I think sometimes people start doing things when they realize things are coming to an end. I know that this sounds awful but I think I did this in my marriage. I realized that things were getting bad so I tried to make changes after my husband had told me things needed to change and it was a little too late for him. I am not taking all the responsibility of the failure of my marriage but I do think I could have maybe do things differently. I am not so sure that I would take my husband back if he came back knowing the things I went through with him. Like you said, maybe its a little too late and your husband just now realizing that maybe it is. I think alcohol is something that becomes very important in peoples lives and they dont realize what is doing to their love ones until they are gone. Sending hugs your way and I hope my post makes sense to a point--I have been up for a while now so my brain is dead :-/

Wow, there was a very similar post yesterday, stbx last minute saying he'd change, just let me back, blah blah blah.

Don't believe a word of it.

If these stbx's didn't hear your crys in the years and years (decades and decades in some cases) you were married, don't believe they're really hearing you now. They're just going into self-protect mode. Not rehabilitative, restore the marriage mode, just an ah-crap-this-is-really-happening-mode.

I agree - I think sometimes when the ex's realize that we have moved on and that we will be fine without them, they also realize that they have lost their power over us....

my ex trying to express her undying love for me with huge tears when I left was so disgustingly dramatic vgiven tte circumstances. So truth to the tears whatsoever.

I relate to your post. I have been in the alcoholic dance for my entire marriage. Failed attempts in outpatient care, blah, blah, blah. We're at another turning point...I'm exhausted. And making headway on myself and thinking about my own life and future. My alcoholic husband will now either get help again, or we'll be over. Part of me just wishes it was over - it's such a hard road. But a small part of me still has hope for our future.

My husband left me 5 months ago after 40 years of marriage. He had had problems with alcohol abuse but functioned on a day to day basis. Last March he went to a private detox clinic and did so well. However he became friendly with a woman in the clinic and they texted each other after they both left the clinic. He used to show me the texts but then she started drinking again and possibly abusing drugs, she ended up in hospital on an intensive care ward and then she went to a psychiatric hospital. I found out he had sent her a very expensive bunch of flowers. We rowed. He then said he was struggling to live with me and wanted a break. He has rented a flat near to this woman and is adamant there is nothing going on. He has been back several times and promised he would spend Christmas with me but he didnt and I spent it alone. It was the lowest point of my life. He isnt drinking again which is good but he is currently abroad with her and keeps telling me they are just friends as she understands what he has been through even though I stuck by him and supported him when he was drinking. He hints that he may come back to me when he has sorted himself out but I am in such turmoil. We both took early retirement from the NHS and now my dreams for the future are in bits. I cry every day and have only told one close friend what has happened. I hope that I can get some comfort from this group

Mary sorry you're going through this. Hugs.

Thank you Koko. Feeling very low this morning. He messaged me last night to say he wants to talk when he gets back from his holiday but he cant promise me anything and not to raise my hopes. This is a nightmare for me.