I know exactly what you are going through. I am not ready to date yet. My ex, is reaching out to me. I have been trying to get back belongings since 3/7 and not that he has refused but, he is making every attempt to see me. I have tried the leave my stuff out for me, that did not work, I asked to leave at a girlfriends house. After 3 weeks of trying this, he finally dropped my stuff off. However, he dropped off 3 or the 5 things left. He claims he forgot that stuff and when I am ready to let him know, he rather I call tho, no hurry take my time. So, Today I emailed him and asked him to bring to me Wednesday night, I have a Church thing, He said OK. I want answers too, like why is it taking you over a month to give me my stuff and why did you conveniently, forget 2 or the 5 things?

I hope you get your phone call and resolution.

I hope you get your phone call; and, hopefully the closure you need to move on. My thoughts are with you.

I got my conversation. It was a very good conversation also. The question of what I will be doing with the knowledge that came out of it I have not yet figured out. I can almost guarantee what I am thinking most people would advice against and it will be playing with fire but I still think I am going to do it. See for us it all came to he did not want to be in a relationship anymore. He had all these self imposed weird ideas of what he should be doing as a boyfriend and he just did not want to do them anymore. He does not want to be with anyone at all right now. I asked a lot of questions tonight and made it crystal clear to him how I still felt. I held nothing back on my feelings. Usually I don't do that but I figure I was going out with no regrets this time. I know his answers that I am telling you about might seem like he was leading me on but they were not. There were more things said besides this but these are the ones I think I might be able to work with if I choose. I have not decided yet though what I am going to do. I asked him if he wanted me to give up on us. He replied I think you should you would be happier. I said that was not what i asked. To which his reply is would it really make a difference if I said that's what I want. I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone and stop calling. He said well your a nice, intelligent girl and you can always call me if you want. Just not every day. I asked what if I told you the only reason I was going to keep calling was so you did not forget about me so when you do get over all this and decide your ready for a relationship I was still here would that bother you. His reply is well as long your trying to date other people and move on its fine. I told him I think we were great together when things were good and I do not think i am quite ready to give up. It wont stop me from dating other people and getting out I said but I had no intentions of giving up all the way. Then I asked one more thing. I said do you really want me to give up and i want the truth. Is there even a part of you that does not want me to. He said yes there is a part of me that is glad to hear your not giving up. He then said he knows he should probably lie for my own good and say otherwise but I asked for the truth. If I want I think I can work with this knowledge. If it really was an issue with commitment I suspect if I keep being the person I always was give him lots and lots of space, no pressure, call him him at first on a regular basis then pull back I am pretty sure I can get him back in a few months again. Is it worth it and is it what I want. No idea yet. I very well could go out with this new guy and not really care if I ever talk to the ex again. Really not even a vague clue what I am going to do but I guess time will tell.

Yeah... see there's still a master plan there. You have to throw that out the window. You are still in "get him back" mode.

If you were able to honestly date him, and others with no agenda, then yeah, sounds good. It could transition back to what it was, and if it does, okay, if it doesn't, okay too. But you aren't in that head space.

I'd say for now, focus on other things, if he wants the relationship, he'll be back, if he doesn't, he won't. Would you really want him on the terms of your manipulating him back in when he isn't ready? Probably not.

PS.

What's this "new" guy in for if you go out with him, not being completely over your ex. That's really not fair is it?

Too much game playing. That is not the makings of a good relationship. I think you need to get over this guy before moving on to someone else. And you don't get over someone by dating someone else. That's not fair to them. I don't agree at all with your "strategy" because it leaves you not being the person you truly are, and it leaves him in complete control of you. Cut him loose and heal yourself.

gotta ditto with cheryl and MSgtD...........they said it all.

I figured most people would not agree with my thoughts. I am not sure I agree with them just yet. I feel slightly different today than I did last night but still I am not sure what I am going to do. This will come down to what i really want. Do I really want the ex back? Do I think the good times out weigh the bad. Do I feel what we had is worth waiting around a little longer and being patient? There will be no manipulating or game playing on my part. I made my intentions quite clear to him that if I continued talking to him what I was doing. He wants no relationship responsibility right now. My goal would simply be stay in his life, give him his space until he is ready and remind him of us. The thing is my late husband had to do something like that with me. I would pull away and get overwhelmed he would backup but not give up. In our case him not giving up paid off. If he had not passed away I am sure we would still be together today. I understand fully there is a time you have to give up. However there are also time when it is perfectly fine to dig in your heels say I believe this is right and fight. I am not sure which time this is just yet. As for the new guy. I am not one for lying so I will be completely upfront that there are still feeling for the ex. If he still wants to go out I will probably agree to it.

It's one thing to be up front with the ex, and quite another to be up front with yourself. You may be able to fool him, but you can't fool yourself. You still have feelings for him and are trying to manipulate him into getting back together with you. Once you face that fact, the rest will fall into place. Be honest with yourself about what your ultimate goal is. If you're not ready to move on from him, fine. Admit it to yourself. Do I think it's a good thing to continue to wait for him? No, but it's not my life. It's yours. Just be honest with yourself about what you are trying to accomplish. I don't think it will work, but I don't know either of you. It just seems like a lot of deception when a good relationship should be based on honesty.

Chery sorry if I had made it unclear. I am not over my ex. I am completely aware of that. Though I was at first had hoped I was but nope not even close. It was just wishful thinking. The whole goal of continuing talking to him would be to ultimately get him back. Not hiding that from myself, not hiding that from him. The way I am seeing this at this particular moment is simple. I hurt. I want him back. He can not say he wants me gone from his life all he can say is he does not want the responsibility of a relationship. So I can choose to wait this out for a little longer and see what happens or cut ties. If I say enough and cut ties I have lots of pain I have to deal with. If I wait it out there still could be pain in the end but there could also be another possible ending. The questions I am trying to ask myself and figure out are percentages. If I am dealing with a 1 in a million chance this will work then I cut my losses. If there is a 50/50 chance that there could be a happy ending it might be worth being patient keeping myself in his life and just waiting to see how things go. My thinking might change between now and when I talk to him next I really have to think about this hard. My mind and heart keep flipping back and forth.