Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Flight_Medic 10/01/2017

Hello all. I write this knowing that there are no words of wisdom or magic potions that will fix what I'm feeling...only time. However, since I have no family, and the few friends I have are "guy's guys" and do not possess a sensitive bone in their body, I thought putting my words down here would somehow provide some measure of catharsis.

My fiancee of two-years decided that her career was of greater importance than our relationship. She volunteered to take a position outside of the USA. Now I always knew that I would never be as important to her as career success, and I could live with that...but I didn't think she'd bail on me for a lateral move (its not even a promotion). I kind of knew this going into the relationship what her priorities were (45-but-still-smokin-hot, never been married, never had kids), but I guess I fooled myself into believing that I would be enough (or the ONE) to change her perspective...especially when she accepted my marriage proposal.

Now I absolutely LOVE my job (even though I only earn a fraction of what she does), I get to save the lives of Children everyday...but I was willing to quit and follow her if she was still willing to move-up the wedding date and get married before we left. Her answer was "I'm not comfortable with that". I think the idea of supporting me financially until I could find some kind of employment in Brazil was unacceptable.

So she gave me the engagement ring back, packed up her life (most of which went into storage) and left for the airport yesterday...and my heart is hurting so bad I feel like I cant breathe. All my friends say "Good riddance, you're better off without her"...but GODDAMN THIS HURTS. We were good together, REALLY good, in every aspect (same views on religion, politics, morals...even sports) but apparently we did not share the same level of committment.

Now, for the next two months, I'm stuck in the house we shared for over two years...and EVERYTHING reminds me of her. All the restaurants I love remind me of her. The activities I enjoy remind me of her. I know that only time will heal my heart...but I sit here wishing for that magic potion that will make me forget.

ifinallygetit 10/01/2017

I am so sorry that you are hurting. I won't give you all the cliques that one typically gives at the end of a relationship because you have heard them all before. All I can say is give yourself time

A magic potion would be nice wouldn't it ;)

Hugs my friend. Here if you need talk or need a friend

BrokenBridges 10/01/2017

Flight_medic,. My heart hurts for you. I know how it feels to believe in someone and love someone that just doesn't want the same thing. I was told by my soon to be that we weren't compatible after 14 yrs. I relocated abruptly because he verbally abused me the entire time. I came back to the town we had our honeymoon in. So I here you, physical reminders suck. I'm mourning over what my marriage could have been. You must mourn too. Its important because it's a part of stepping forward. You sound like a great person and I have no doubt you'll find someone truly worthy of your love. Hang in there and we are all here for you.

Flight_Medic 10/01/2017

Your thoughts are much appreciated...and hugs graciously accepted.

I don't know about anyone else on here, but I'm finding the nights are the hardest part. I fell asleep in the recliner last night because I couldn't bear to go into the bedroom (a mild form of anxiety disorder doesn't help). Finding myself alone in the house once the sun goes down is a tiny bit of Hell right now...my mind torments me, my heart aches, even breathing becomes arduous. And it sounds so silly when I type that here, but the tightness in my chest is anything but. This feeling of desperation and anxiety would be overwhelming if not for Xanax!!

I just wish I still had single friends, but everyone I know has a spouse/family, and I refuse to impose on them to babysit the single friend with the broken heart. It's agony when you have nowhere to go and nothing to do (only so many times you can late-night grocery shop). I truly did not think I would be in this situation at my age. I feel foolish for letting this get such a hold on me.
I'm 50 years old, I've had more than my share of relationships...and I've NEVER been this emotionally paralyzed before. I've honestly never felt loss this deep. However, she was "the one" for me...alas, I was not the same for her.

I guess Rick Springfield said it best when he sang "love hurts when only one's in love".
No shit, Rick...no shit.

bridgie101 10/02/2017

That's really what it comes down to isn't it. It's unbelievably painful when you have made the commitment to always be together, good times and bad, thick and thin, agreements and disagreements..

and you find they never even got to the starting line. You were always on appro. Never truly purchased and taken home. They care more for their furniture.

It's an indication of their capacity to care. I know, you don't need to be told lucky escape.

I don't know how to help except send a hug to you from down under. The pain is astonishing. It's crippling. I got through it but it took a while.

I can listen whenever you want to talk. :( big hug.

BrokenBridges 10/02/2017

Flight_Medic,. Your still young! I'm 45 in the same boat as far as feeling there won't be anyone here for me. I'm not even sure I'll ever love again, but, as for you it sounds like your heart is open for it. Early mornings and Early Eve's are hardest for me (the quiet times). The way I'm handling it is just trying to stay busy. Focusing on yourself is the best thing. The home your in is temporary. I had to put a sign up in my bathroom that I looked at everyday that said, "I'm worthy, I'm valuable, I'm lovable" and read it Everytime I go in. I know it is painful, In a way it's a blessing for you because it sounds like she wanted you to follow her in her life thus, giving your needs up. Trust me, it happened to me. I followed my husband in business, I changed myself for him, I gave up the things I once loved doing. I raised his kid. His hoops to be the "Power Couple" just got too high. Now here I am at 45 trying to find myself again.
Starting from below the top of the ground and trying to rise out of this. Do you workout? I find exercise is great for well being, and your around like minded individuals. Hang in there, I'm here for ya!

Flight_Medic 10/02/2017

BrokenBridges: It's very coincidental that you mentioned exercise. I don't regularly workout because (other than loathing 24 Hour Fitness and gym-rat mentality) I was blessed with a good genes and a great metabolism (also, I don't drink alcohol) which allows me to eat what I want and still retain a flat tummy. However, the anxiety started to torment me again last night (manifesting in claustrophobia), so out of sheer desperation I walked over to our HOA fitness center and did an hour on the treadmill...and it helped tremendously. The lactic acid burn in my legs was WAY more painful than my heartache, and that allowed me to shift my focus from "poor me, poor me" to "DONT STOP, DONT QUIT". It was the most pain I've experienced since we hiked to base camp at Mt Rainier, but it felt good...so much so that afterwards I was able to eat my first meal in two days. I actually slept in the bedroom last night. Perhaps I may have turned a corner...or at least found an outlet to combat the anxiety.

bridgie101: You have no idea how much your furniture comment resonated with me. If you could have seen how she scolded me one day when she found a small stain on her expensive Benetti sofa...and I'm not even sure I was the one who caused it (although I would eat on it when she wasn't home because I like to watch TV when I eat). Spot-on comment...pardon the pun.

OK, today is a good day. Time to take down the photos off the walls...I'm sick of seeing the "happy couple".

Thank you all again for all your support. Sincerely.

StayStrong23 10/02/2017

Man, that's a punch to the gut. I am so sorry you are going through this. That bond seemed pretty tight, and the reality is it will take some time to loosen it. But, time does heal all wounds. In the meantime, have you considered talking to a pastor or a counselor about this? Although no magic potion exists to make the pain instantly go away, someone who is trained in this area may be able to help you devise a strategy that will enable you to get through this tough time. Or maybe your church has a small group you can join where you can fellowship with others who may be able to help you get through this? I know it hurts, but the hurting will stop over time. I am praying for peace in your heart.

angeldawn2603764811 10/02/2017

I have no words. I am in pain and torture today myself. It's true and I am so sorry. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy.

Mdorean 10/03/2017

I am so sorry- my heart hurts for you. What you said about staying in the house you shared resonated so strongly with me. I am in the brutal process of a very new split from my live-in fiancé. Our lease is not up until the Spring. I'm not sure what the plans are moving forward- I am not even ready to think about it as I am such a homebody and my heart and soul are in this place. But staying here is it's own unique brand of torture. Every single thing I look is built on memories of us. It feels like he's even in the air here. Every sound- every sensation- reminds me of the love we shared and the life we were building together up until now. It is such a struggle when I am longing to feel comfort in my safe space here, but am simultaneously gut-punched by constant reminders of my loss. It is a difficult and strange situation to be in, for sure. I am so sorry you are going through this transition, too. And you're right- there are no real words. But I do offer a sincere gesture of solidarity, support, and hopes for your healing.

Flight_Medic 10/03/2017

Mdorean: Time is the greatest healer. Its gonna hurt for a while, but embrace it...dont fight it. Realize that the deep feeling of loss youre experiencing means you truly loved someone. Whether you think that person deserved the love or not is irrelevant...if you dont miss them when theyre gone it means you didnt truly love them. The pain we're all going through right now is the exact same pain that has inspired some of the greatest works of art in the world, the most beautiful poems, the greatest pieces of literature...the greatest songs ever recorded.

I take comfort knowing that this IS the human condition...and we would be dead inside if we didnt feel this pain. I have to believe to feel this longing and heartache is not the bad part...the bad part is when we forget and feel nothing at all. I didnt choose the pain, but I must embrace it because it proves Im NOT a zombie. I loved with all my heart...and that was a good thing. I worry about those who feel apathy...I pity them.

Embrace the hurt, but dont let it consume you. Reach out to loved ones and those willing to listen...share your pain with us. We all loved and we lost, but we WILL heal...with our humanity intact.

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