Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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A goodbye letter, my closure

Msdee84
Msdee84
I want to send my final goodbye letter. As he is struggling with his depression I have bottled everything inside. I don't want to add on to the depression so I pretended my feels weren't as important and I stood silent. I just want to say "I been hurting too, for over a MONTH now you have been neglecting me, this has wounded my heart deeply as I face other obstacles of life." Broken car, unemployment, broken phone, and even lost some work because BOTH my laptops died within days of each other. I want to tell him I understand you lost your job but a relationship is work and you are about to lose this one too! I want to say while you were busy "ignoring me" one of my best friends told me they have tested positive for HIV. I want to say in the past 30 plus day I probably spent 5 of those days NOT crying but only because I had hope you would come back to me. I want to tell him I LOVE YOU but I can't be in a relationship on my own. I want to say I reached out to your mother, roommates, and even best friends but it should have been you I was communicating with. I WANT TO SAY, I LOVE YOU BUT MY HEART CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!!! I WANT TO SAY I HATE YOU BUT I REALLY DON'T MEAN IT. I WANT TO SAY I WANT TO WAIT AND WAIT BUT HOW DO I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO?

I want to say a lot but I am not going to. Instead I want to keep hope alive. And Say "I LOVE YOU STILL, I'm here for you!

but I can't seem to get the little bit of HOPE out of my head. I want
deleted_user
deleted_user
You sound like you are still confused. Maybe not at the breaking point yet? But he sounds kinda unreachable, and already gone, based on this one post from you - ?
mtnlionbait
mtnlionbait
It's like you're writing exactly what I thought when my marriage was over. Even now, my heart has this sliver of hope that he will come back whole again, while my head LOUDLY says, you can't change the past and relationships mean TWO responsible people are involved.

If nothing else, do this to protect yourself financially. Because everything he does is going to affect you if you are still married. You CAN still be together without marriage if it is SAFE for you. But DON'T let your heart put you in so much danger that you get hurt or worse.

When I filed for divorce, I waited.... waited for him to say how important I was to him... how he needed me... how he realized he had problems that only he could fix and I hoped he'd ask me to wait. That didn't happen.... in fact, the first thing he did was try to destroy my friendships with other people, destroy my newly built relationship with my son, destroy my chance to see my granddaughter being born, destroy my love of my home and my animals - while at the same time telling me that he still wanted sexual relations, wanted to be "friends", and saying that he would NEVER hurt me again.

At the time, walking away hurt like hell... but was the BEST thing I've ever done. {{HUGS}}
mtnlionbait
mtnlionbait
BTW, write down on paper EVERYTHING you want to say... the anger, the frustration, etc. And then BURN IT outside... and as you watch the smoke lift and go away in the breeze, imagine him receiving it and reading it. It makes the closure happen faster. {{HUGS}}
rbsingle1959
rbsingle1959
This sounds like the kind of relationship i had in the past with my ex husband. My ex was so emotionally detached and there is no way of bringing somebody who is far gone in the relationship back to you or where you would want them to be. They are already gone. He has to want to be in that place you are in. If not; nothing you do or say will make that happen. Move on with YOU and take care orf YOU and focus on YOU cause HE IS ALREADY GONE. SORRY
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, yes, yes, write it but don't send it! In fact, if I may add an idea to what M said, you may want to sit on it for a few days before burning it. Allow yourself some time to add to it, edit it, build upon it. . . . AND THEN BURN THE SUCKER AND DANCE AROUND THE FIRE!

It's incredibly cleansing, you'll see.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Cut this off and start your life over, any fresh start is a new beginning.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am in the exact place you are. I am sorry for your pain and sufferiing. It is very hard and confusing. To love someone so much and not receive that back hurts so bad. The hope that he will come back and realize everything he has done and doesn't want to lose you...it is heartbreaking and so frustrating. Sending you love and hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Great to write, not to send.

You may want to consider the use of the word "depression". Often we overuse it to describe sadness. it is much different than depression, which can be a absolutely crippling. Depression requires outside help. Sadness we can often work through on our own.
starrlady
starrlady
Writing the letter is a very cleansing activity. You can get all of the repressed feelings out. Then take time to let the letter sit. Look at your true self and let it all settle and heal. Then as mentioned by several here, burn it and let it go. Look more toward helping and healing your own heart. I found this so helpful and a way to step forward in my own healing.