Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Thanks everyone for your feedback and support. By reframing my marriage and stripping it down to just a "dating" relationship the emotional game has changed course for me. The big black cloud that has been following me around is all of a sudden ... GONE. The need to understand, process and care about her unbelievable choices and behaviors is GONE. The behavioral expectations and commitments embedded in the definition of marriage are no longer valid.
I am 11 months out since I left her and have struggled the better part of that time emotionally because I could not believe her actions, behaviors, emotions and how nonchalant she seemed to be towards me and our marriage. There was no sign of wanting to discuss things, there was no sign of questioning or trying to understand what was happening and where we were, there was no effort to communicate, repair, seek counseling or just allow us to marinate a bit. It was over without any sensitivity, remorse or loss of the relationship. She acted like we never existed and she didn't have any responsibilities toward the marriage any longer.
Although sweet as pie to me ... things had changed and I was just another guy in her past. I have finally understood her lack of depth and it was indicative of what I saw in our marriage from early on. As my counselor has told me the way she has handled things after I moved out is a reflection of how she handled things while I was with her. Although I thought I was marrying a woman who would bring to the table all those hopes and dreams we look for in a marriage, she really didn't invest, deliver, evolve, embrace, grow, and love the way on expects in a marriage. It is because she has the mental capacity and emotional maturity of a child. I married a 12 year old girl in a 50 year old body. I was in the boat but there was only one oar in the water our whole marriage. So I declare that although technically I am married ... I was never truly married -- and having said that the divorce and letting that relationship pass becomes much much easier.
It literally blows my mind, people talk about the checked out ones. They
Do not want to look within or face their part, to them you are dead. The wall of
Responsibility or vows mean nothing. They have a whole new reality now that
Does not include you in it. You are very old news. HUGS
Changed or i was blind and did not see clearly which is very possible too. Never ever
Thought i would be where i am now and how it ended up. HUGS
When one chooses to grow and evolve and the other isn't, and doesnt own their stuff, the rift starts .
That's why I'm with Miranda right now in that I'm taking the time for myself to grow and evolve and learn, because otherwise the pattern will just repeat itself. And I can't do that to myself anymore.
What someone else chooses is their journey, and not my problem.
Are unhappy and want new better different. In divorce care it was stated there is
Usually one selfish and broken spouse. My ex was way more selfish than i realized
Or faced. He also had demons he would or could not face from his upbringing. I
Let him deal with his stuff and did not push or interfere. Both of us had abusive
Mothers. HUGS