Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi all
So I finally had "the talk" with my dad. He came to me and spilled the beans about the business with him and my H. I am now completely in the loop, I know how bad things are....but my dad and my H are working so hard to keep things going I have a new found respect. For both my H and my dad.
On the other side, the talk I had with him about the state of my marriage. My H had let my dad know we were having issues....I confirmed this. I won't go into details, but my dad told me things I never knew about him and my mom, that their marriage was once on the rocks. Amongst other things, I told my dad about H's alcohol issues which is no secret and about our financial distress. How H abuses me verbally when drinking...
My dad grew up with an alcoholic father and brother. He gets my concerns. Of course he doesn't want me to get hurt, and there has been no physical violence but alcohol does strange things to people. I laid everything out for my dad. He really opened my eyes while telling me things he saw from his viewpoint. My negativity, lack of motivation, lack of communication, lack of willingness to compromise....etc. I have lost my best qualities and it's not all of my H's fault. The give and take isn't happening and my marriage deserves a chance.
Yes hubby has his downfalls, I also have mine and recognize that. What I didn't recognize was the affect it was having on H and my parents and family. Hubby had a tough life, orphaned by 12 and living in foster care, family abandoned him. He's scarred for life, not that it excuses his actions. Anyway, after talking to my dad I realized I need to give my marriage a chance. We need this chance. Maybe that doesn't make sense to some but I was wondering if anyone else was on the verge of wanting a divorce and then decided to work things out? How did it go? Am I crazy?
So I finally had "the talk" with my dad. He came to me and spilled the beans about the business with him and my H. I am now completely in the loop, I know how bad things are....but my dad and my H are working so hard to keep things going I have a new found respect. For both my H and my dad.
On the other side, the talk I had with him about the state of my marriage. My H had let my dad know we were having issues....I confirmed this. I won't go into details, but my dad told me things I never knew about him and my mom, that their marriage was once on the rocks. Amongst other things, I told my dad about H's alcohol issues which is no secret and about our financial distress. How H abuses me verbally when drinking...
My dad grew up with an alcoholic father and brother. He gets my concerns. Of course he doesn't want me to get hurt, and there has been no physical violence but alcohol does strange things to people. I laid everything out for my dad. He really opened my eyes while telling me things he saw from his viewpoint. My negativity, lack of motivation, lack of communication, lack of willingness to compromise....etc. I have lost my best qualities and it's not all of my H's fault. The give and take isn't happening and my marriage deserves a chance.
Yes hubby has his downfalls, I also have mine and recognize that. What I didn't recognize was the affect it was having on H and my parents and family. Hubby had a tough life, orphaned by 12 and living in foster care, family abandoned him. He's scarred for life, not that it excuses his actions. Anyway, after talking to my dad I realized I need to give my marriage a chance. We need this chance. Maybe that doesn't make sense to some but I was wondering if anyone else was on the verge of wanting a divorce and then decided to work things out? How did it go? Am I crazy?
He is willing to put in 100% so long as I am too. He has cut back significantly on his drinking and has been more honest with me than ever before. We are still talking which is hard as he's not home right now, but working on the road trucking. I don't want to regret not trying.
My dad is amazing. He wasn't trying to make light of the situation, but he really opened up about him and my mom and how even though they are in financial distress because of the truck business and stuff, my mom is his rock and he doesn't want to give up until he literally has to. The things he shared, it was so heartfelt. Plus he opened my eyes to my husbands good qualities that kept me with him to start with. I don't know if the good outweigh the bad, but we've been pushing blame on each other for too long instead of working together and laying everything out for each other and TALKING.
I won't stand for the abuse that comes from his drinking, that is a non negotiable expectation. If we can get past that, I think things might have a chance
Seeing you post about your own issues, taking ownership of these faults are HUGE. So many place the blame on the other completely. This without a doubt gives you grounds to start working.
I wish you the best of luck and a positive result!
And to think I was so scared to talk to my dad about what was going on. I love my dad, and he's always there for me when it counts....I guess I just didn't want to burden him or let him down. I got way more out of talking with him then I ever could have imagined. The man I look up to, wow, he really came through and I respect him so much
Hugs!