Being with someone only to split bills, and support your "standard of living" shouldn't be a reason to be in or remain in a relationship. This is reality and not fiction...once you become an adult, you should learn to fend for yourself and not depend on others.

People that don't teach their kids from a younger age how to be independent i.e. creating entitlement monsters, are only laying foundation for bad relationships / marriages of the future where people become dependent on others.

Most of us after divorce have had to change our ways..some of us pay child support without receiving anything in handouts, and still manage to survive. If you have no kids / not paying anything...I don't see what your issue is.

If you think things are tough now, wait till you have kids

Deltone:

First of all...not once did I say I was with him only to split bills. We had a great relationship based on a foundation of love. I was simply mentioning the difficulty of going from sharing a life with someone to having to start from the ground up again. I am in no way "entitled". My parents never coddled me and I've always paid for things myself. I said I never had a high standard of living, fairly low actually but now it's even more difficult to move out on my own due to the high property taxes in my city. Especially since I lost my job in the process of the breakup.

There's always someone who has it worse, but grief is grief and this is part of my grieving process. I joined this support group to have a safe place to discuss my feelings as I go through my first serious breakup, not to have someone invalidate my feelings. Also, I do not intend to ever have children.

You seem to be quite rude in your responses to people on this board. I think you should either stay off here or only voice your opinion when you have something nice to say. I know I'm not the first to say this to you.

Jessa, I totally know what your talking about. Granted our situations are different, but we've done a lot of the same. I didn't lose my old home to my EX, but two months after her departure I couldn't take living where I was, visual reminders around every corner, the memory's and such. So like you I had to scale back a little, look at a smaller apartment I could afford on my own. So I know what your talking about with talking about a "tight budget"!

The budget alone since my ex-fiance's departure little over 5 months ago has just about killed me. Money is so tight now, where when she was with me money was acting it was growing on some tree's. Now sometimes I have to "double think" just about everything I buy, always asking myself "can I afford this"? Food included!

My ex-fiance was in charge of the bills, you know, electric, gas and cable. Where I was in charge of paying the rent. After all the rent and bills were paid we would have something close to $550.00 to $600.00 left over per month, after deducting the food, which averaged about $200.00 to $250.00 per month, it left us some modest "play money" or "fun money" as we called it.

So in regards to our living arrangements, yours will soon be as mine, I know, it sucks, but I've learned it's a home, regardless how small, it's my little hole in the wall which I've come to appreciate. And yes, like you in regards to giving the example of being back 4 years ago, the alone part also sucks. I was with my ex-fiance for close to 2 years, both virtual and real world, still little over 5 months after the breakup I'm still trying to get used to living alone.

I posted all of this to let you know, granted through different situations, our outcomes are pretty close to the same, just wanted to let you know your not alone!

We'll get through all of this, I'm sure we will, just try to stay positive, and I wish you the best of luck during the transition!

Jessa...I am not rude, I just look at things from both sides of a coin, as opposed to telling people what they want to hear, making them more deluded about reality.

Yes we all grief and go through stuff, and am sorry if my response comes across as harsh. However, you did say this previously " I feel like I'm going to be miserable because I have to lower my standard of living."

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..a cliche' but true. The sooner you accept the situation, and work towards it, the better and stronger you become as an independent woman. You might not want kids, and the guy might want it......there is always the divorce man with kids option too

Aaron - it helps to see someone else in the same situation! I'll be paying double the rent & bills I used to pay but I'll be making $4/hr less if I take the only job I've been offered so far. Tight budget indeed. Yes, being alone is something to get used to. I'm hoping I can turn loneliness into solitude. I know in the end, we will all get through it. At least now that we know we're in similar situations, we can give each other tips on how to deal.

Deltone - I understand that you think you're helping people see "reality" but I think you make assumptions about their thoughts/feelings. For example, I was stating my uneasy feelings about being on my own again and you translated that to me being an entitled dependent woman who was only with my ex for financial support...that couldn't be farther from the truth.

@Jessa...I am sorry if my words came across as insensitive. I have been paying my way since I was 18, and managed to put myself through university twice without going back home, and this is growing up in a city of 8 million people.

I then moved to another country for a woman, help raise her toddler who is now an adult, and had our own child along the way. Leaving all your family behind in Europe and moving across the pond is not something that many will ever do, but I have always been somebody who perseveres and tackles adversities.

Oh...I can tell you that I don't enjoy dishing out child support every month from my hard earned wages, but the law is what it is and don't condone deadbeat parents that try and evade paying. However, every adult has a duty to be self sufficient married or not.