Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Jealousy

jessaheart
jessaheart
Does anyone have suggestions for coping with post-breakup jealousy? I know my ex will eventually find someone else and that may happen before I move on. It gives me anxiety to think about.

I don't want to hear "Focus on yourself and don't think about what he's doing" because that's impossible. I am focusing on myself and moving forward but this thought still affects me. Even thinking of him kissing another girl gives me extreme anxiety.
charliegirl29
charliegirl29
I dont know what can really be done. Once you spend time with a person and dedicate your time to them this jealousy is bound to happen so maybe the key is to accept it for what it is and not worry about what to do about it and just keep it under control. Maybe he doesnt want a relationship for a while. Who knows? It's possible.
Sarasalt
Sarasalt
I have the same anxiety. I know it's something that's out of my control, but the idea of my now-ex having that kind of interest in or happiness with or intimacy with someone else makes me sick to my stomach. Though he insists otherwise, I'm fairly certain that my ex will move on before I will - if not to something serious, at the least to something casual. And it's so hard to even fathom. I can't help but think "That happiness and passion was supposed to be ours! What we had was so real and intimate!" And I know that part of it is the fear that someone down the road will make him happier or have a better physical connection with him than I did.

I guess all that we can do is try to remember that just because the relationship ended, that doesn't mean that what was between you wasn't real. It was real, as real as it gets. So I'm going to try and remember that during the time we spent together, we couldn't have loved each other more. And even though he'll eventually move on, that doesn't mean the next person will be "better" - just different. Because nothing can lessen the happiness you had while it was there.

Regardless, it absolutely sucks and I wish there was a way around it.
Justme2892
Justme2892
He's your ex for a reason, so focus on that.
jessaheart
jessaheart
When we broke up he told me he doesn't plan on moving on for a long time, and I said the same to him.

Sarasalt - you are so right. Though it makes me sick to think about even the casual flings or future serious gf, what we had was real and I won't be replaced and forgotten. Different, not better, is a good way of looking at it.

I'm going to remember that it's not just my loss. It's his too. There were a lot of things I did for him that will be hard for him to find again.