i will pray for u, get into therapy and get on meds thatll help

I wasn't in a relationship as committed as yours sounds but I know the pain you're describing. I'd say you can do the no contact rule but since you have children, there does have to be some contact. Keep it short and strictly about the children. As hard as it sounds, you have to start doing things that make you happy. Don't tell him how much you love him and how this other woman is no good for him, that will only make you look bitter. What he did to you was wrong, and I myself am having a hard time moving on from anger. I've been praying about it and recommend the same for you. I'm here if you want to talk about it from time to time. It helps when someone else is going through a similar situation.

I don't have advice around the children & NC, I don't think it works, but people have ways of coping, using email only for example.

I just wanted to say this to you: I was also left very suddenly after more than 20 years together & I really thought I would die (I thought I would kill myself actually, because I couldn`t face life without him). GET HELP...get all the support you can: family, friends, psychologist, psychiatrist, support groups - anything & everything you can get access to.

It's 5 months since my H left. I just moved into my own place, it's shocking & confusing still, but I am not in total despair 24/7, so don't give up...keep focusing on yourself & what you need to do.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. People here really do understand being blindsided & feeling beyond devastated, keep coming back for support here

Ok, first ignore the part in response #1 about getting on meds. meds, even something as small as weed, will only prolong what you feel, not cure it.

As for what happened... I am speechless. That one day he just left and never came back. Never said anything, etc.

Coward.

How can you get past what happened and be able to deal with him when having to talk or see the kids? Thats a tough one. Its not easy, especially with how things happened, no answers, (except excuses), and so on. I would like to say keep your head up, act like ti doesn't bother you, but I know better. We can't control our emotions and I will bet you wont be able to either.

All you can do is try to prepare for when the visits will take place. Get your mind to a point, if you can, where you can block out what happened and make the exchange civil without saying a word. Then when you walk away, you will break down, come here and tell us what happened.

Until you can get some time and traction under your belt, your emotions are going to rule. You will find you may not be able to control what you say, do or cry. Its ok. I believe people should know how they hurt us. Just don't let if define how you are going to live the rest of your life though. Know at some point, your head will be above water and you will be able to swim at a full stroke instead of just doggie paddling to shore.

Welcome to the group

I think ChiTownBear is spot on. Meds are just a bandaid but some people need them when it is a chemical imbalance. For that only a licensed therapist can tell you if you need it or not.
So, how to get through this? By acceptance and surrender.
Accept what is happening and surrender to it. Surrender is not a coward's way out. It actually takes a lot of courage. Clinging and holding on to hope just to not feel lost is actually a lot easier and hurtful in the long run. So ACCEPT your situation fully. Accept that some questions will remain unanswered. Accept that you are not in control of anyone or anything except your own choices.
SURRENDER to the now. Surrender to the present and find freedom in your surrender. Find freedom by accepting and surrendering and deciding to MOVE ON and do everything to help yourself right now.
It is time to be selfish. Do things that are for you and your children. PERIOD. no one else.

NO CONTACT RULE: It CAN be done. It can be done by setting up YOUR boundaries.
1- Block him from All social medias.
2- Block him from calls.
3- Block him from all types of chat apps like whatsapp or viber, etc....
4- He wants or NEEDS to contact you for anything to do with the kids? He can text you through normal text or email you. Keep it as superficial as possible. Directly to the point and as short as possible.

How do you let go? Imagine you are carrying a heavy piece of luggage filled with TRASH... It will come to a point that either you put it down and leave it at the dump, or carry it with you weighing you down and making you smell.
Same thing happens with our minds. Either we carry this metaphoric bag of trash and let it stink up and poison our minds and bodies, or we make a concious decision to just drop it and let go.

*like* #5

I just wanted to add that mess are not the answer. Take it from someone who's had panic attacks their whole life ~ from not dealing with their feelings.

Coward is the right word for this guy, though now I know you feel like you're dying. This is a horrible time for you. It will pass.

Please listen to the other posters here and try to deal with this in a healthy way.

Yesterday I felt awful, today not so bad. It's a rollercoaster of emotions but I'm trying to learn

Oops meds are not the answer

I'm sorry for your pain but glad you found our little family. You will find lots support here and it will get you through the rough times, you'll have lots so come here often.
I have been dealing with this for two years and I have to say # 5's analogy of the trash bag is spot on. I I have been carrying this trash bag around more often then not these past two years, no more, thanks to everyone that has posted. NC has worked best for me but we don't have kids together so it works for me.

Do whatever works for you, as you go along you will figure that out. Take your time and let the emotions come, don't hide them or brush them aside, this is your time to start healing and it will be a roller coaster of emotions for as long as it takes. Sending you warm hugs and prayers.