Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Lonely

New2this14
New2this14
Really missing my family tonight. I got to see my stepdaughter yesterday for a couple hours, had dinner and played at the park. Bitter sweet doesn't even come close. It was so great to finally get to see her and hug her, it's been two weeks. We talked about school, friends, the family dog that is staying with me. It was so much fun! Right before my stbx returned to pick her up, she told me she was sad. She missed her room, her toys, her dog, me. I nearly threw up. Poor baby doesn't deserve any of this. I did my best to reassure her and cheer her up and remind her that we'll see each other often. Watching them drive off to the OW house, a whole other kind of pain.

It makes we wonder, if seeing my step daughter is this hard on me, how bad is it for her? I've had people tell me I should stay in her life, others say fade away, that she has enough to deal with having a cheating Dad and new woman in her life. I love my step daughter dearly and only want what's best for her. Anyone have any experience in this area or thoughts?

Her bio-Mom and I have a good relationship and so far has encouraged me to continue the relationship.
melissa87
melissa87
You said you've been around her entire life, right? Clearly she loves you, too. I would say stay in her life. I think it's important for both of you. I can't imagine how much it must have hurt to watch them drive away...talk about having your heart ripped out! I got teary thinking about it. She does have enough to deal with but you are a parent to her. The loss of a parent is devastating for kids and can have life long consequences. She got enough to deal with without losing a parent. Clearly you are a wonderful mother to her and she's lucky to have you. There are many bio-parents who don't think as much about the child as you are.
I'm so glad you got to see her but so sorry for the additional hurt that comes along with that. Really, I think it's going to be up to you to do what you can live with. While it's painful now, eventually that will subside and you could enjoy a lifelong relationship with her. Only you can decide if the good will outweigh the bad in this situation.
Hugs to you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Children need all the love and support that they can get. Clearly you love her and she loves you. I think it would be more harmful to her if you disappeared from her life than if you stayed. From your statement, her bio-mom thinks so too. That says a lot as most biological parents don't get along with or even want their step counterparts involved in their children's lives. I think your ex even recognizes the bond between the two of you since he don't seem to have a problem with you spending time with her. I also think the contact is good for you too, even though it is painful when she leaves from the visit, being able to see her for visits at all I believe will help in the long run. Hugs
thralkr
thralkr
Please stay in her life. My husband, the bio dad to our two kids, left us because he hates being a father. He sees the kids once a week now for a couple of hours. Older kid is going through a lot of hurt, anger, confusion and sadness now. It's most important for her to know you love her and care about her no matter what else is happening. That's the basis for some semblance of stability for her. Kids can't have too many adults who care about them.
New2this14
New2this14
Got to spend the day with her today! We played in the park, took the dog for a walk, did a little shopping and then a quick dinner before dropping her off at her Bio-Moms apt. It was so nice to hug her and see that beautiful smile. She was down, I could tell, but we had a great day! I can't imagine my life without her, so I'm going to do whatever it takes to see her regularly. She's a good kid and I'm lucky to be a part of her life.

Thank you everyone for your comments and support!