Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My boyfriend of a year very suddenly stopped having any communication. The last week we were together, I knew something wasn't quite right and tried to talk to him about it but got nowhere. This was not what I expected. After about 5 days, I asked him if I ever get to know what happened and he called to explain. First I got answers like "You want to get married" (I don't and he knows that, neither did he) or "You want to spend every minute with me" (not true, I have a life and put no demands on his time.) After I shot those down, he finally told me his feelings were getting too serious and he got scared.
Turns out he has commitment issues (the book "Men Who Can't Love" explains his behavior perfectly...helped me understand a few things that had happened during our relationship that I didn't really get at the time. Highly recommend.) He told me that he gets to a point in a relationship and "panics." From reading the book, I know that men experiencing this aren't thinking rationally. What kills me is that within 2 weeks he was seeing someone new that lives 2.5 hours away. He drives truck and is gone all week and would say he only has so much time on the weekends to get stuff done. I don't believe he cheated on my because when he's working, he's completely focused on getting as many miles in as he can and getting home. When he was home, he was with me or his kids or doing stuff around his house. He would always tell me where he was and what he was doing.
We talked many, many times a day and things were better than they'd ever been. I feel like I've lost my best friend. I miss him so much and feel so betrayed. I miss his kids, especially his youngest who loved me and I loved her. I know he loved me and I know this was hard for him. He wanted to remain "friends" and still talk but I won't do that. Hurts too much and wouldn't allow me to move on. But I feel like I can't move on. I hate the weekends, they feel so empty and lonely. I still grieve the plans we had for the rest of the summer. We were going to go away for the weekend on Labor Day weekend and now it's hard for me to think of anything but 3 days of loneliness. I'm trying to stay busy and do projects around my house. I walk my dogs...a lot (in the 1st 3 weeks after this happened we walked 131 miles.) I'm doing volunteer work, seeing a counselor and trying so hard not to focus on this. Fortunately we don't live in the same town so the chances of running in to him are minimal. I just feel very alone and alternate between being incredibly sad and feeling completely empty. I don't know what more to do. I know I'm not ready to meet anyone else. If I even think about it, I think about all the things I loved about my ex...he treated me VERY, VERY well. He was kind, considerate, sweet, loving, funny...it didn't matter what we did, it was fun. I could talk to him about absolutely anything. He checked up on me, encouraged me (I was working on losing weight and being healthier when we met...he was so supportive but never, ever critical about anything.) He wasn't perfect but I loved him and loved being with him. Now I feel completely alone . I'm not...I have fabulous, supportive family and friends but he has left a huge hole in my life that I don't know how to fill.
Turns out he has commitment issues (the book "Men Who Can't Love" explains his behavior perfectly...helped me understand a few things that had happened during our relationship that I didn't really get at the time. Highly recommend.) He told me that he gets to a point in a relationship and "panics." From reading the book, I know that men experiencing this aren't thinking rationally. What kills me is that within 2 weeks he was seeing someone new that lives 2.5 hours away. He drives truck and is gone all week and would say he only has so much time on the weekends to get stuff done. I don't believe he cheated on my because when he's working, he's completely focused on getting as many miles in as he can and getting home. When he was home, he was with me or his kids or doing stuff around his house. He would always tell me where he was and what he was doing.
We talked many, many times a day and things were better than they'd ever been. I feel like I've lost my best friend. I miss him so much and feel so betrayed. I miss his kids, especially his youngest who loved me and I loved her. I know he loved me and I know this was hard for him. He wanted to remain "friends" and still talk but I won't do that. Hurts too much and wouldn't allow me to move on. But I feel like I can't move on. I hate the weekends, they feel so empty and lonely. I still grieve the plans we had for the rest of the summer. We were going to go away for the weekend on Labor Day weekend and now it's hard for me to think of anything but 3 days of loneliness. I'm trying to stay busy and do projects around my house. I walk my dogs...a lot (in the 1st 3 weeks after this happened we walked 131 miles.) I'm doing volunteer work, seeing a counselor and trying so hard not to focus on this. Fortunately we don't live in the same town so the chances of running in to him are minimal. I just feel very alone and alternate between being incredibly sad and feeling completely empty. I don't know what more to do. I know I'm not ready to meet anyone else. If I even think about it, I think about all the things I loved about my ex...he treated me VERY, VERY well. He was kind, considerate, sweet, loving, funny...it didn't matter what we did, it was fun. I could talk to him about absolutely anything. He checked up on me, encouraged me (I was working on losing weight and being healthier when we met...he was so supportive but never, ever critical about anything.) He wasn't perfect but I loved him and loved being with him. Now I feel completely alone . I'm not...I have fabulous, supportive family and friends but he has left a huge hole in my life that I don't know how to fill.
We have never been a day to day couple and I think that stopped the relationship from getting real. Every time we are together we have some of the best times I have every had. I always have the sense that our next day might be our last - it's emotional torture.
It will get better - sounds like you're doing all the right things.
I'd say back off and see what she does. She might have commitment issues or she just might not be that into you. That's not something anyone ever wants to hear but emotional torture isn't good either. Good luck!