Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been playing the game of what if for the last few days. My stbx made it a point a few days ago to say if I hadn't left the house we would probably still be together. Yeah that is probably true but then we would still be in the same place of me being miserable trying to make things worse and him feeling guilty because he wants out and won't actually tell me to get the heck out but just hint to it. I feeling like I had to make the decision to leave and I messed up our relationship when I did nothing but try and stick to my vows and be the supportive and loving wife.
Next what if... If his dang brother had never moved in with us. We would probably still be extremely happy and strong as a couple. The bad times didn't come until he moved in and cause nothing but stress and tried time and time saga in to drive a wedge between us. He liked to play sides and bitch at me and my stbx about I was lazy or a horrible person and at first my stbx would stick for me and would tell him to shut up and eventually he stopped and just started getting angry at both of us. I kept trying to get us to move out of the house and any from the brother and he just kept delaying it. In the end he choose his brother over our family. Now his brother is trying to tell him how to live his life, and all I can do is hold in the I told you so I so badly want to say. But for the past year and a half he was living with us rent free and bill free only had to get his own food and what ever he wanted. Just because your marriage ended by your own will doesn't give you the right to screw with mine.
It's so hard cause lately he has been texting me and being super nice and I know a lot of it so he can see my son cause he misses him they did bond, but I get terribly jealous. I know it's horrible of me but I do. I want him to miss me too I told him in the beginning that my son and I were a package deal but now he doesn't want to hear that and I don't want to keep them apart but it hurts and he will text me randomly and talk about nothing really. Today he came over and asked if there was anything that I needed and I told him yeah but you won't give it to me. I miss him to bad and everyday I struggle with missing him. I still wear my wedding ring even though he took his off a few days ago and that about killed me. I just keep thinking what if I had done something differently but I know that he was part of these choices and our life and marriage falling apart. I try to remind myself that he wanted out and not me. But it doesn't help the love go away and the desperate need for him in my heart and soul.
Thanks for listening and commenting. It's nice to know I'm not going through this alone really. It's nice to have a safe place to vent and cry and know someone will listen. I am grateful I found this site when I did, just wish there were some local support groups in my area too.
Next what if... If his dang brother had never moved in with us. We would probably still be extremely happy and strong as a couple. The bad times didn't come until he moved in and cause nothing but stress and tried time and time saga in to drive a wedge between us. He liked to play sides and bitch at me and my stbx about I was lazy or a horrible person and at first my stbx would stick for me and would tell him to shut up and eventually he stopped and just started getting angry at both of us. I kept trying to get us to move out of the house and any from the brother and he just kept delaying it. In the end he choose his brother over our family. Now his brother is trying to tell him how to live his life, and all I can do is hold in the I told you so I so badly want to say. But for the past year and a half he was living with us rent free and bill free only had to get his own food and what ever he wanted. Just because your marriage ended by your own will doesn't give you the right to screw with mine.
It's so hard cause lately he has been texting me and being super nice and I know a lot of it so he can see my son cause he misses him they did bond, but I get terribly jealous. I know it's horrible of me but I do. I want him to miss me too I told him in the beginning that my son and I were a package deal but now he doesn't want to hear that and I don't want to keep them apart but it hurts and he will text me randomly and talk about nothing really. Today he came over and asked if there was anything that I needed and I told him yeah but you won't give it to me. I miss him to bad and everyday I struggle with missing him. I still wear my wedding ring even though he took his off a few days ago and that about killed me. I just keep thinking what if I had done something differently but I know that he was part of these choices and our life and marriage falling apart. I try to remind myself that he wanted out and not me. But it doesn't help the love go away and the desperate need for him in my heart and soul.
Thanks for listening and commenting. It's nice to know I'm not going through this alone really. It's nice to have a safe place to vent and cry and know someone will listen. I am grateful I found this site when I did, just wish there were some local support groups in my area too.
In the end, though, we could have done all of those things and the end outcome might have still been what we are going through now. We will never know. I just have faith that this is the way things are suppose to be for a reason. You are not alone.
When I feel good..I say this about the relationship- We were who we were, we did what we did, and what happened is what happened. If we could have been different, we would have. If we could have chosen differently, we would have. Things happened the way they did because ..that was us. And it's over because of that.
I think the what if stage passes quickly..that's what I hear anyway...if you stay strong.
Whenever I get these popping into my head, one of the things I do is look at the opposite - what would have happened if I had stayed with her (even though it was she who dumped me like garbage)? Would my life have been happy (Answer: No, I deserve better)? Would the behaviour got any better? (Answer: No, it would have got worse and worse). Is there any chance I will be alone for ever (Answer: No, not a chance, not one, because that is always up to me).
Sometimes life just dumps a big steamy turd in our laps and we have to deal with it (sorry to be gross, but I want you to remember this:)) Polish it as much as you want (the old negative behaviours you hated in the first place), but its still just a.you get the idea. Do this EVERY TIME these little cherubs bubble up to from below to spoil your day and pretty soon you will realise you are in charge, whatever happened happened for a reason, you can and will get through it (you have so far after all) and you will become wiser and stronger in the process.
Belt the what ifs off with the big stick of contrast till they have no power over you. Wish you the best. Hugs
I did that what ifs for too long with my ex to get back together and it come crashing down each and everytime so I Seriousley belive God has a better plan for me in my future....hope this helps some hugs.....
There is not much we can do about the actions of others unfortunately. I think that in a lot of cases, if both parties want it to work then they can work something out. Of course that isn't always the case but I cannot make someone want to be with me if they don't want to any more.
what ifs are too tenuous. I think that most of us here tried our best in our relationships, we did what we thought was right at times and yeah, sometimes we made mistakes too. But I don't think that if we acted slightly differently here and there it would make a huge impact on somebody else's emotions. They didn't do the work on their end.
So be proud that WE tried,It's a way better quality than someone who gives up in my opinion anyway. (Assuming that it wasn't a dysfunctional relationship)
I have decided to be the main character in my life story now, if someone wants to walk out on my life story then let them. They were only a side kick anyway and I can always replace those.
That is the trouble with relationships ... you only have control over yourself and there is nothing you can do to make the other person do the things you would like to do or to work on the relationship. Once the other person checks out, they no longer care about the relationship or you.
I went through the same thing. I asked things of my ex, and our marriage counselor made suggestions for her to do as well. She more or less just brushed them off. Our relationship was a very low priority for her and not worth her time to put any effort into working on it. Like I said in a previous post, I am very grateful that I am no longer married to her.