It is easy to feel lost when your foundation is rocked. For me, my role as husband, provider and father has been ripped from me. I am still a father, but in a very different structure of scheduled visitation.

The only way through is forward. It is important to get out and do things. I'm keeping busy with a pool league I joined, DivorceCare, volunteering, and exploring alanon to better understand how being raised by an alcoholic stepfather ingrained certain traits that may not serve me well (people pleasing, low self-esteem, etc.).

I try not to think too much about the future, and try to avoid projecting negative fears (she will move to FL to be with him and take my son with her, etc.). So, yes, one day at a time.

Try to find yourself again. What did you used to like to do before marriage? What would you like to do now? Any hobbies or interests?

As for craving to be loved and share your life with someone I understand those feelings. They are very strong. However, I'm not in a good place to positively contribute to a new relationship yet and need to heal first and be "whole". I don't want to fall into the trap of "needing" someone to help me be whole. That is a recipe for trouble.

Best wishes.

Thanks, good advice. Trying to get out more, but I live in a very small town and there is not much to do. Perhaps things will improve as the weather gets better -more opportunity for outdoor activities.

Hi tcl18, Yes there is a big space where something is gone and I have felt stark raving alone. My thoughts were centered around her and my marriage was my direction. Then it's over and she is off barely looking back. I will never know why she became so ugly and hard but I know those cold eyes that hold nothing familiar and not anything warm. She wanted me to know that I am nothing to her. Survival for me meant that I would need to get to the point that she meant nothing to me. I created a space in my home that was all mine, new paint and bedding, pictures and other simple things that I love. I found 3 pieces of furniture that were free that I sanded (sanding is mindless) and refinished, (utube to learn how to..) I listen to an audio book as I am falling asleep your library loans them free. and if I wake up during the night I put it back on so my sadness, loneliness, fear don't cause me to lose my sleep. The library also lends out music cd's which I take home and download to my ipod. You can get lost in the library and you have an endless supply of subjects to explore and find what interests You. The music on my head gets me through meaningless chores (and sanding furniture). I mention these physical things because it is hard to keep still without crawling back into myself and it's a little dark in there right now and there's not too much I can do about that right now. Someone on here said something about retraining our emotional muscles and I believe she was right. Try to love yourself or try pretending at first until being kind to yourself becomes a habit. I didn't do anything to deserve what happened. If you feel the same way don't continue the process that he started. Be good to yourself.

Thanks Elem8 - good words.