Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I used to be foolish enough to think that we had a strong marriage and unless there was a major issue such as infidelity or abuse, we could work through it. Well, I have found out that's surely not the case. As many posters here, my husband says he wants a divorce because he's just not happy anymore. Then he asks why I am so angry. Really?!?!
Divorce has become TOO "convenient." They think it's much easier to walk away then try to work through issues. That's so cowardly and selfish to break apart a family and life that has taken years to build. They forget about the good and focus on the bad. But I would put money on the fact that someday he will regret it. The grass is not always greener....
Divorce has become TOO "convenient." They think it's much easier to walk away then try to work through issues. That's so cowardly and selfish to break apart a family and life that has taken years to build. They forget about the good and focus on the bad. But I would put money on the fact that someday he will regret it. The grass is not always greener....
my ex didn't have a real specific reason and I did everything.
but back to not happy, wtf does that mean, once you are past the age of 12 ---- 28 you should realize that life is up and down, haveing values and living them by doing the right thing brings sometimes joy whenhappiness and values align, contentment when they are not in conflict and "suck it up" when they are ---doing the right thing trumps being "being happy"{ when they are in conflict)
otherwise you are person that is selfish and stuck becuase you are then looking for the next happines high which can't last and you see other people from the veiw point of whether they make you happy or not.......pretty close to using people
However, I have gone to him and expressed my concerns several times and told him I'm not happy. I'm seeing a psychologist and asked if we could try marriage counselling but he sees nothing wrong to fix and I'm bringing on problems myself.
Was I wrong to marry him in the first place? yes. Did I mean my vows? I did. That may seem weird since I was doubting marrying him, but I did mean them. I've struggled with wondering if I'm selfish and a coward by "taking the easy way out" but I'm up night after night wondering what to do and if I should go through with it.
If there aren't efforts from both involved then it's almost pointless to try and work things out. I do feel I'm validated in my choice.
Your situation however is tricky. It's hard when you have no clue something is wrong and then your spouse says they want a divorce. I don't think the reason of "I'm not happy anymore" is a good enough reason without at least trying to work it out. I agree, especially when children are involved and you've worked hard to build a life. He owes you that. I mean sure, if he's not happy it's not like you want to stand on the way of something he may need to do for himself, but as your partner I think some respect for the spouse is required. I think it is a selfish and cowardly thing to do. If you are feeling happy anymore, then tell your spouse that and see what can be done. I mean divorce isn't cheap, and it is "an easy way out" I agree with you in your situation.
Is that the only reason he's given you? Do you suspect anything else? I'm not saying he's cheating, but a lot of out of the blue "I'm not happy anymore" comments are because they have someone waiting in the sidelines.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
Best of luck to you
It used to be in the U.S. that you had to have two parties agree to divorce before you could get a divorce. It meant one party could say no and you remained married even if both of you no longer loved each other--sometimes they said no out of spite. That's why divorce is more "convenient" now so that if someone wants a divorce, they can get it without the other party stopping them. If they want out that bad, let them go.