I think she's using a very shallow definition of love.

I think she based her article on facts and realities of life. There were no definitions of love in there anywhere. I think the article was merely trying to give you an outlook to why people who invest so much get hurt so often and those who are more realistic do not end up in the same predicament.

Well I read the article and I sort of agree. I think if you truly love someone you are inspired to do better because want to make sure that your spouse is taken care of. I am in a relationship with someone now and she gives me motivation to improve my life. I have had this motivating force for myself all along but it has greatly increased sense she has been in my life.
I was married for 10 years. I did love her but she was very ill through much of our marriage and I couldn't work because she needed constant care. My father also got to where he needs care as well. My wife died last year and it devestated me. I was in a severe state of depression. I have buonced back with the help of many loved ones and wanted to improve my life but I still didn't know how or wasn't motivated enough until I started dating again. Now I have found a new energy and it has helped me improve my view on life. I don't know if I am in love or not but I am using her as my muse to give me inspiration to improve myself.
I know a lot of this doesn't apply to the article except that love inspires you to do the best you can to create a more comfortable life for the ones you love.

I don't agree nor disagree. I do understand the part about how love changes so if people marry for only love they can run into issues. I agree that a couple must be compatible, have chemistry, common goals, beliefs, etc. In fact, when a couple doesn't share common interest and values - love is rarely enough. You need friendship.

She seems to promote marriage for other reasons though, to have a good coparent, financial stability or companionship. I don' think those ideas are crazy but it has to do w/where a person is in life - someone in their 30's or below may care about coparents - someone who already has kids won't. Someone with a career may not care about the financial piece.

I think regardless of the reasons why people enter a marriage - most will sooner or later outgrow it - I am afraid that is just human nature. I remember being a kid and knowing many people that were married for over 20 years - later then I remember learning that a couple with 30 years of marriage was getting a divorce - and I would think to myself - "why are these people divorcing?" - is not like they can start over - but then I would talk to those same folks and they would say - "I don't care about starting over", I just don't want to be w/this person anymore b/c I've been w/him for 30 years but I've been miserable" - so I started realizing that people were staying together for tons of years but that didn't mean they were even happy - NOW - most couples I know are spliting after 5-10 years....so I am not sure but it seems to me like people are unwilling to settle - if they aren't happy they are leaving the relationship and that's that - they are not going to make any type of sacrificies. To an extend I respect that outlook - mainly b/c someone who isn't happy has no peace - PEACE to me is everything. Nothing worst than coming home to someone you no longer want to be with. Sorry - JMO.

The author of the article is a divorce writer, and apparently she deals with broken hearts.

We just had a poster on here that provided financial support only and when that ran out so did his wife. It didn't make the marriage stronger but instead set the basis of the marriage as a money exchange and no money, no more marriage. I can't see how any marriage would hold together under that.

I believe love helps you get through the rough spots in marriage, and the time when health isn't so good.

But I can't make love with someone I am not in love with.

Too complicated. Too formulaic. Too much thinking. Too much Hollywood. Too much Madison Avenue. Too many false promises about being able to have it all.

Love is the bond that endures, without which it's nothing more than a contract. Contracts are meant to be broken. Ask any lawyer...

Language can't define it. Concepts can't confine it. I know what it is when I feel it.

If the marriage is primarily about money and it runs out its definitely not going to last. And whether we admit it to ourselves or not marriage is a contract whether you are truly in love or chemically induced by what love releases. The rest comes with being realistic with what you feel you can handle when the going gets rough ....I do think love gets those through harsh times but I also think more than most cave under the pressures of either faced with being alone if a significant other is sick and dying or if neither can support each other financially or emotionally for whatever reasons.

I think the problem is the definition of "love" its been watered down cus real love between two people does not dissipate as the article states. That's just horse manure and pisses me off how non-nonchalantly people use the word "love".

Marriage is a contract between two people, yes, and I have only known of one reason to marry and that's cus you want to spend the rest of your life with that person. But thats me. but I know there are a lot of people who find it an easy way to get thru a system, to maximize their own well being and security financially or otherwise. So as most things, Marriage has many definitions to many different people. Because we are a society who allows people to be free thinking, free loving, and all the other free-nesses that are out there, it only make sense that something that is sacred to one, is nothing but a business deal to another.

Millie wrote:

"most couples I know are spliting after 5-10 years....so I am not sure but it seems to me like people are unwilling to settle - if they aren't happy they are leaving the relationship and that's that - they are not going to make any type of sacrificies. "

So true. very few are willing to make sacrifices no matter how much they want to believe they are someone who has made or would make sacrifices for the right "thing". However, that "right thing" never comes as nothing is ever enough for them to make a sacrifice for. So where does that leave relationships? love? marriage?

I think people whose sacrifices have stomped over may get more reluctant to sacrifice especially when divorce seems to prevail in the progressive era. I think authentic and true love that everyone would really like is extremely rare. But it is something I like to think still exist out there.

good points Charlie.

I guess just because one can continue to make sacrifices for another relationship, doesn't mean everyone is willing. People tend to think how other people will act, respond, or look at a situation based on how they would act, respond or look at a situation. An example will be, Ive made sacrifices before in order to continue a relationship and have had them stomped on before, but I find I do still want to make sacrifices or a coming to a median still in order to sustain a relationship / friendship. So because of that, I am sometimes confused how others would not want to do the same. Cus to me, you have to be able to be that open in a relationship for it to be successful. If you aren't how can it survive?

As for authentic and true love... yeh, i'm with you, I am hoping it does exist.

' I think authentic and true love that everyone would really like is extremely rare.'

I think a prerequisite for this is both parties have true and authentic love for themselves. That is, they have awareness and their consciousness has all their power and faith, not their ego self.

*like*

I have come a long way but authentically loving myself is only something I can do by showing others how much they are worthy of being loved in and of themselves until I can believe whole heartedly the same of myself. I like to believe that the dept of our love for others comes from untapped wells. I've only just begun to tap the wells and gain more insight. Thanks being to many stories here.