easy. you sit down with them, negotiate, and write job descriptions of who does what and when and how much each is to contribute financially.

leave any emotional stuff out. it doesn't count.

If you are trying to save your marriage, I would strongly suggest marriage counseling. A counselor can help you both communicate more effectively and can call out the other spouse on the 'victim' behavior.

If you are divorcing, there may be no way to communicate and sometimes it's better not to. I guess you need to provide a little more detail about your situation in order for people to know how to answer your question.

I completely agree with the marriage counseling. Sometimes it takes a disnterested third party to listen to both sides and interpret what each is saying to the other so that it is actually heard and understood. Sometimes we are so eager to present our side and be "right" that we don't listen to what the other person is saying. A therapist can definitely help with that, as long as both people are willing to give it an honest go.

Im in the descision making stage I think and counseling is always good idea. I dont know what details I would need to divuldge to get a better answer but I know you cant really give me my answer for me :-) and only really give me input to help me. I am just a little lost and alone. Thanks for replying.

all of us have been raised differently and picture marital roles differently. if we picture them but do not discuss them, feelings get hurt accidentally. if it goes on for too long, the pattern becomes habitual and really hard to re-imagine.

sit down with him. picture a smooth running home with him. discuss how each see it working best that is fair to both. then, start discussing specific responsibiliies so that each feels that they are doing their half because both man and woman are equals.

write it all down. that makes it clearer and more understandable and sidesteps the vague feelings and emotions of it all that get in the way far too often.

just some ideas. i hope it helps.

ty Verne for the helpful hints. although my feelings have not been hurt "accidently" because something wasnt discussed rather there were specific understandings and agreements that were abandonded for whatever reasons (anger/resentment on both our parts Im fairly sure of it). But still a good idea none the less. TY.

the anger and resentment will disappear when you two sit down and write out and agree upon the roles of each partner so that both win.

few of us are taught to picture a household where both man and woman win and how to build it. if we are not taught that, then by default we will build households where usually both lose.

have you two discussed these agreements that were abandoned?

yes. we had differences in opinion on the matter. he said potatoe and I said Potato :-).....eventually we made mashed potatoes together thanks to Vernes advice which kept me sane :-).