Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi Everyone,
I'm new to daily strength. But the posts seem so common to my situation and felt it may help to reach out to others.
My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years, and have 2 young children. In January of this year, he started to engage in extra circuluar activities (guy stuff), and startig taking trips with the boys. He truly loved it, and of course, I gave him a hard time because it's not something we really ever did since we were together. We always took a night away here and there with the guys or girls trips, but not full on weeks. It started to feel that he was living single in a married life. So the fighting started, and that has led us here. Alot of hurtful words and some he can't forgive. But at the end of the day, we had an amazing 10 years together, and we never showed each other disrespect until now. We don't call each other names or anything, never did, and now we've reached a whole new level.
On top of that, he finally moved out about 5 weeks ago. He hasn't even attempted once to talk to me about our relationship at all, outside of the kids or business talk. I'm in shock that we were so close for so many years, and then this fighting can change his feelings so strongly overnight. I always felt he truly loved me, but yet there was always something missing. He is a little different from other "guys" so to speak. He has femine nature about him (walking and talking), and have been stereotyped by others as gay. I will be honest, our first date, it's exactly what I thought. I thought he was gay, and just trying to live a normal life with women. But then I got to know him. He's very masculine in every other way. I always ignored it, and even people that meet him thing "geez, he seems very femine", until they get to know him, and then they say NEVER. He's never given me any reason ever in 10 years to think that he was. And truthfully, I don't even see the traits anymore.
But now we are separated. I miss him so much. We were so close and truly best friends, and business partners, and parents. Now everything is so different, and he has no desire to come home anytime soon. He is sharing with others that he wants to save his marriage, and will eventually come home, but has to first "figure things out". He keeps saying "something is missing".
He was always unemotional. Couldn't cry no matter what happened, until now. He's crying all of the time. He's so confused, can't explain it. I try to talk to him, but it's no use. He's never called me babe, hun, sweetie, but can call our daughter that no problem. He even struggles by calling me by my first name.
Sex life? Truly amazing. Absolutely out of this world and alot of it.
I went to our therapist last week that we've both been seeing individually. She acidentally implied about him being gay. She instantly was mortified that she actually discussed it with me, but she feels that it's the inner demon he's fighting. Whether he knows it or not.
My question to you is, what do I do? Go with what the therapist may "think"? Take him back if he comes back and work on our marriage? I can guarantee if I walk away, he's going for another woman regardless, never a man. I have zero evidence to support that he could possibly be gay. But It does explain how he can walk away and be so content with being alone right now. He loves the space and wants so much more.
Help. xo
I'm new to daily strength. But the posts seem so common to my situation and felt it may help to reach out to others.
My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years, and have 2 young children. In January of this year, he started to engage in extra circuluar activities (guy stuff), and startig taking trips with the boys. He truly loved it, and of course, I gave him a hard time because it's not something we really ever did since we were together. We always took a night away here and there with the guys or girls trips, but not full on weeks. It started to feel that he was living single in a married life. So the fighting started, and that has led us here. Alot of hurtful words and some he can't forgive. But at the end of the day, we had an amazing 10 years together, and we never showed each other disrespect until now. We don't call each other names or anything, never did, and now we've reached a whole new level.
On top of that, he finally moved out about 5 weeks ago. He hasn't even attempted once to talk to me about our relationship at all, outside of the kids or business talk. I'm in shock that we were so close for so many years, and then this fighting can change his feelings so strongly overnight. I always felt he truly loved me, but yet there was always something missing. He is a little different from other "guys" so to speak. He has femine nature about him (walking and talking), and have been stereotyped by others as gay. I will be honest, our first date, it's exactly what I thought. I thought he was gay, and just trying to live a normal life with women. But then I got to know him. He's very masculine in every other way. I always ignored it, and even people that meet him thing "geez, he seems very femine", until they get to know him, and then they say NEVER. He's never given me any reason ever in 10 years to think that he was. And truthfully, I don't even see the traits anymore.
But now we are separated. I miss him so much. We were so close and truly best friends, and business partners, and parents. Now everything is so different, and he has no desire to come home anytime soon. He is sharing with others that he wants to save his marriage, and will eventually come home, but has to first "figure things out". He keeps saying "something is missing".
He was always unemotional. Couldn't cry no matter what happened, until now. He's crying all of the time. He's so confused, can't explain it. I try to talk to him, but it's no use. He's never called me babe, hun, sweetie, but can call our daughter that no problem. He even struggles by calling me by my first name.
Sex life? Truly amazing. Absolutely out of this world and alot of it.
I went to our therapist last week that we've both been seeing individually. She acidentally implied about him being gay. She instantly was mortified that she actually discussed it with me, but she feels that it's the inner demon he's fighting. Whether he knows it or not.
My question to you is, what do I do? Go with what the therapist may "think"? Take him back if he comes back and work on our marriage? I can guarantee if I walk away, he's going for another woman regardless, never a man. I have zero evidence to support that he could possibly be gay. But It does explain how he can walk away and be so content with being alone right now. He loves the space and wants so much more.
Help. xo
One of my favorite quotes of all times comes from Maya Angelo,
'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'
You said the last 10 years have been amazing.
Maybe the outings with the guys aren't so bad, but of course, I would want more time with the girls also. It is good to have outside interests
How he makes me feel, would be so much more important than what he called me.
I know couples who called each other honey, and babe every day and those labels meant nothing, as both couples are divorced now.
There must be other things he is doing, that I don't understand.
Everybody is different and I just wanted to throw this at you to think about. Just be sure what is really important to you in a marriage.
Be so grateful for those awesome years he gave you and try and support him the best you can. I imagine he is feeling so much guilt, frustration, and stress-----if it is true.
I wish you the very best