Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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What to expect

seb468
seb468
I am so stressed out, we are taking this divorce all the way to trial, which makes no sense to me at ALL.

I have researched the web on what to expect (maybe I shouldn't do that), we only really have two things we disagree on. Who get's to stay in the house , I want to stay with our kids, he want it sold) and he does not want to pay maintenance.

I have see/heard that is atty will try and tear me apart....why...?

If anyone can give me any advice or shed a light, I do not want to do this, I wonder what my chances are of getting what I want, most say it is in the best interest of the kids, but I just do not know if I am believing that, I suppose it could go either way, I just look at it as how could someone kick you and your kids out of your home, the only one they have known, I only want 3 years and they will be out of HS

Please help, I DO NOT want to this, I am not sure if anyone else get's to be in the courtroom, we don't have any witnesses or anything like that, it should have been very simple in my opinion, I mean I know I can have people there for my support but, I don't want to get up on a stand in front of strangers and end up breaking down which I know I will, his atty is NOT NICE!
lamarwilson
lamarwilson
It depends on the state really, and many other factors. Most states generally favor equal asset distribution, but kids, your income differential, etc can affect it. The court will usually want to keep the kids in their home with whoever gets custody. Now the home may need to be refinanced for him to get his half of the equity, or you have to give up something else equal to that. If you get custody he will have to pay child support at the very least. If you don't work or make a considerable amount less than him he will have to pay you alimony for at least a short period so you can provide for the children until you get on your feet, and maintain a similar lifestyle to him. Sometimes it's for 12 months, or a 1 time lump sum.
patti22
patti22
Didn't make sense to me to go to court either. But if even one wants to push it...that's where it will go.

Tell the truth. Short simple answers. Don't get drawn into "explaining yourself".

There likely won't be very many people there beyond you, your ex, the judge, court clerks and your lawyers. So not really that many strangers. They've seen it all before, and then some. If you're not a secret serial killer, then I wouldn't worry about whatever they "discover". You're not perfect, neither are any of them. If you've cheated and maxed out dozens of credit cards...you'll have to face up to that. But it's not going to destroy you.

Calm breath. Take a small picture of your kids with you to help you stay calm. And a notebook that will close. Even if you just doodle in it, it can give you something to do. You're strong. You've given birth. You can do this!

Patti
lostntx
lostntx
Do you have an attorney? If not, the first thing you should do is get one. Find out what your rights are. Also, some states have mediation available. Mediation may be worth a try. It may be that you can work something out before going to trial. Trials get expensive and i'm sure he knows that. Consider selling the house. I don't know you're financial situation, but many times keeping the house puts undue strain on you. You and your kids will adjust to a new place. As far as maintenance, that depends on the state and a bunch of different considerations. Find a good lawyer and just ask them the odds of you getting what you want. They love fights because they make more money. So it'll be up to you to ask what the odds are of him getting what he wants. Best of luck!