Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Struggling

seb468
seb468
Well.....the end is nearing, final court date 8/31.

I am sure I am sounding like a broken record here but please...help me figure why I CANNOT get past he has finally been with someone else.
I don't consider it an affair really.....I mean legally we are still married, he filed for divorce a year ago...not up until almost the end of May then figured out he had been with someone, 3 more months, that's all he had to wait...hell he waited 9 mos I mean what's 3 more....really.....

Anyway, that is all I can think about is that he has been, I guess when you have been with someone and married a total of 20ish years, guess I just don't understand...how,.How awkward and strange and weird that would feel, I would think so anyhow

How will I ever get past that, it almost seems the hardest out of it all of it,. I am driving myself CRAZY, and again, the fact he thinks I am so stupid, he won't outright admit it, but EVERYTHING he has been doing points to that..I really am not that stupid, that kinda ALMOST bothers me as much

Sorry if I have been down this route before, but maybe venting a little is what I need today, yesterday, tomorrow!
mynewnormal
mynewnormal
its so easy to paint a fantasy picture of our ex's lives as being amazing, and happy, and worry free.. its NOT TRUE! Try to change your thoughts.. if I find myself going down that road, I switch it up, its all in MY head anyway, so I imagine them fighting.. or that she doesn't do laundry or dishes and the dust in the house is an inch thick..

your absolutely RIGHT that after 20 + years with someone its NOT a piece of cake to move on with someone else.. so I'm sure they are having their own little issues.. try to focus on THOSE.. and exaggerate THOSE :)

one day at a time.. ((hugs))
broken234
broken234
I am dealing with the same reality, the OW. But the truth is somewhere in between. Honestly, I know that my cheating stbx will not miraculously change. He will do the same to the OW. So don't worry that whoever he is with will all of a sudden make him the dream man you always wanted. His flaws will still be shown to her, and she will still have to deal with whatever he brings to the table. Try to focus on yourself. I am trying to do that more too and it seems to be working. Let the OW deal with his BS now.
playerapr
playerapr
My ex H told me that he has never felt about a woman how he felt about the OW - that hurt me to the core of my existence. How was she so perfect? But it is true - the grass is not always greener on the other side. He cheated on her - I don't think she knows about it but I do and that gave me great satisfaction. Cause she might think she has the greatest man on earth, he loves me so much that he left his wife for me but I know the truth that she doesn't.
And about moving on after so long - is not easy - I felt like a 16 year old talking to other men and trying to date.
All your feelings are normal but their is light at the end of the tunnel. It will get better - stay strong.
lostntx
lostntx
I am sorry you are hurting! I too seem to get stuck on the good in my relationship. I tend to forget all the pain and misery that my stbx caused me. It wasn't healthy and my mind knows that. It's tough to change your thoughts, but you need to work on it. I am struggling with it just like you. The others here have given some great advice. Broken234, you said what i needed to hear. It is so true! Seb468 hang in there! My court date should be a week or two after yours. Keep posting here and let us help you through this.
foundlove
foundlove
I'm sorry your going through this difficult situation. It's very hard to accept reality when it hurts so much I can definitely relate. Much easier to get caught up in our own world where our past partners never hurt us or never will. You don't have to accept anything that's happening its fine to be angry and upset and deny. Just express things healthy and remember life will go on. Things happen for reason and try to see positive later of why it's best he's out of your life.