Me too 41 on Sunday!! It's terrible!

I still can't figure out what the most horrible part is...seeing my children half of their lives, losing the love of someone i still love deeply, the fact that it is my all my fault, or being alone until i roll the dice and risk it all again.

Hello Awsaws. Welcome to the group. Here you will find all the support you need. Nobody will judge you for your mistakes and if anyone doesn't take kindly to your mistakes they will just not answer.
I invite you to share your experience. If you want to journal it and invite users to be your friend so only they have access to your story then do so. Or write a post with your story and introduce yourself to the group. I repeat, nobody here can judge you.
We are all hurting or have hurt before. Some are going through the same thing you are going and others a different story but still equally hurtful. Others like me, have gone through hell and found the light at the end of the tunnel and just come back as a thank you to be able to guide others along their path or lend a helping hand. I too went through a divorce and a really bad breakup. It lasted a while but I am here now and happy and complete with my life.
You are in a safe place my friend. Let loose and let us help you if we can. If anything you will at least have a place to vent and air out your fears and emotions.
Good luck and keep in mind that sooner or later the sun shines again. You will be ok if you want to be but it will take time and a lot of work.
BIG HUG

We all have made mistakes and no one is perfect. I for one, have made many mistakes and bad choices in the past, and by the grace of God, I am forgiven and restored. I encourage you to be strong in the midst of what you are going through. "Even after the worst storm, the sun will always shine." Keep your head up, better days ahead! Keeping you in my prayers, sending you love & blessings.