I wish I had some advice for you. I feel your pain though I know how difficult it is to see an Ex. It seems sometimes we only remember the good things and not the painful things so naturally our memory is skewed. Stay strong, we're all here for you.

You both SO NEED a time a part. Why not promise him to not see anyone and just think alone and keep it private and talk after, take sometime.... Keep asking him for the same thing over and over....

When I first told my mother some of the things I was going through with stbx (and only some of them, the worse I keep it to myself) she gave me the book "Men who hate women and the women who love them" by Susan Forward, is quite old I think and maybe not the most up to date, but it really helped me to open my eyes and understand some of my own behaviour and feelings towards someone that was emotionally abusive, I highly recommend you to read it, specially now that you're struggling with your feelings, 10 weeks is not very much, I don't know for how long you were together, but healing takes time.
As for dating, it's ok if you don't feel ready yet, you need to deal with the breakup first, and heal, put your life back on track and then one day you'll feel ready again.
And you are right, HE is responsable for his actions, not you, just stay strong and don't let yourself fall into manipulation, keep being strong, these are hard times, but you'll make it.
Hugs and blessings.

Honestly, I should go back and read your story. I will. But from what I have read in the last few posting by you. It scares me, his behavior scares me, its like some TV movie where you don't end up so well, if you don't totally separate yourself from him. I almost feel like your safety is in question. Please re-evaluate what you are doing. Be safe and move on.

Needafriend, I think your husband is manipulating you. I can understand your feelings of confusion right now. Like Chery says, we are here for you. Hopefully you will make a wise decision. Good luck.

Need a friend, I wish I didn't understand so well. I have so much anger and resentment towards my Stbx bc of this kind of stuff he did last time I divorced him. Scared the crap out of me and the kids, I was afraid to go outside to warm up my car in the dark parking lot, afraid to sleep, afraid to open any blinds. And he would cry, buy me gifts, promise the moon, he was sooooooo sorry and he loved me soooooo much, he just needed me soooooo much, needed my help and love. Looked like crap, talked about suicide, sat in my parking lot and would just try to intimidate or controll me. Would drive by and ask about vehicles parked in the lot. Ask my kids questions, make them cry, they were afraid too. Please please please don't fall for it. Because when the I'm sorry is over, and he has you back, you will hate him for it. He will go back to who he was before and now you have to start all over and feel like an idiot, a used idiot. In the end the decisions are yours to make, just please don't decide anything out of fear or pity. And I know you know this, but I will reiterate, be careful. Xxxxxxx

Hi Need: Let me explain something to you. My ex when I was married to him would come home filled with anger from work and I would arrive home from work and he couldn't defuse. I did everything around the house and the yard, so he didn't exercise and had no way to defuse anger.

As the night went on and I had dinner prepared, served, dishes done, he would be seething.

Eventually, he would "flip" over something and he would be on me, many time grabbing my hands and slamming them and me backwards against the hard wood doors all over the home. Frequently, he would secure him and me in the bedroom so I couldn't get out and I would try to phone for help and he would rip out the phone.

He would end each time crying and begging me for forgiveness and that he would NEVER do it again as he had sex with me that I didn't want. He would swear he would never do it again. HE WOULD DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN.

When my ex was going to go after our son, I hit him in the face and physically put him out the door. He was built like a football player and could have killed me. I was like the Incredible Hulk and it was the defining moment. I was done and he had hurt me so much before, there wasn't much more he could have done except kill me--so I wasn't going down any more without a fight.

He couldn't reach me at home because I changed my home phone immediately, so he was calling me at work. He caused problems with my employer. He was someone who had to have control and didn't have control. He never expected me to stand up to him and throw him out and hold my ground so strong and tight.

When he kept calling in work, he would be sweetly saying "how are you doing" and I would try to get off the phone. When I took my son on an extended weekend vacation and he called into work demanding to know where I was and they wouldn't tell him, he got really bad with them and they locked down the entire workplace. When I got back and found the place locked down and found out about that, I picked up the phone and yelled at him and told him he was never to call at work again and he hung up on me. I then notified the divorce attorney to get after him on calling my workplace because it was on lockdown due to him.

Need, your guy is no good, just like mine was. Your guy is a player and you know it. You know he has several women going at the same time because that's was players do. They don't love you, they use you. Mine didn't love me and I was used for his released of anger.

You also know he's like a vulture wanting to pick a dead carcass clean in the desert. You know he wants your business and he'll strip it clean like a vulture.

You miss the companionship, but this guy isn't anything to miss, just like my ex. Anyone that messes with your adult daughter sexually, you toss them out and don't miss them.

Without my ex, I was out walking, enjoying the peace and tranquility of life. No more drama from my ex.

One thing my ex could count on like clockwork was that I was consistent and when he started up, I didn't melt or give in--he knew I was NOT going to take it and I was coming at him with the wrath of the police and the court and he would end up before the judge. Abuse was in the past and was not to be a part of the present.

Because you are not consistent, your STBX knows this, he knows he has hurt you and you are in pain and he takes advantage of you. He knows he can hang out and talk to you, whereas I would be spraying him with the major pepper spray that "Dog the Bounty Hunter" uses and then calling the police to pick him up each time.

I agree with Time. You've got to stay strong and show him you aren't going to take his crap. Be consistent. That means calling the cops EVERY TIME he comes around you and violates the restraining order. What he's doing is all an act. Anyone with remorse wouldn't be cheating on you and making you feel like shit. He's not sorry for what he did, he's only sorry that you left him. These types are sociopaths. They don't feel any empathy or sympathy for others - just themselves. They can't really help it. They'll do anything to make themselves feel better. It's not about you, it's about him and what he wants. All the time. You are doing so well and are being so strong. Keep it up. Have NO contact with him. Don't talk to him; don't e-mail or text him. Call the cops whenever he comes around. He'll eventually get the hint if you stay strong and consistent.

My STBX used to give me the sad puppy-dog eyes whenever I saw him, and would repeatedly tell me how things would be different if I came back. However, he was not in counseling, he was still drinking, and he was spreading lies about me all over town and to our kids. That's not remorse, and there's no change going on there. It's the same old crap. I didn't fall for it, and neither should you. Nothing will be different because he's not different. Be strong! You WILL get through this.

You miss who he was, you love who he was.
That is not the same person as who he is right now.
Please try to remember how important that is.

You are allowed to love and miss the person you married. Grieve for the loss of him. Please try to separate that person from the man that you have to keep reporting to the police.

I did something i shouldnt have done. my husband made me block some male friends on face book when i was with him. Now that he is gone i unblocked them. one of them ive known for 18 yrs , it was a guy i used to work with back then and we did have a fling. which we ended on good terms back then. something i was open about with my husband. My husband didnt like this so he had me block him.
Now since i unblocked him we got chatting and he asked me out for a chat as friends. I went and we had nice chat but he was all over me and it was something i was not ready for. he hugged and kissed me before we said goodbye and gave me a bunch of flowers. I was not attracted to him and As i was driving home i knew i wouldnt meet him again but would just chat on facebook. I told him it was all to much to soon.
Anyway, my husband today was again waiting for me after work and he told me he had a video of me kissing that guy and that he gave me flowers. How would he know? i checked i wasnt followed.. .I told him whatever i do now has nothing to do with him. I told him he is the one that ruined our marriage. I got my phone out to ring police and he went. Now tonight he was hammering my door and throwing stones up at the window. I rang ploice and opened the window. He shouted up and said i know your with that guy, and your talking to him on facebook. He even knew some of the conversation i had with my friend. how?
I have just changed all passwords but i know he never had any of my previous ones anyway . How can he know all this? and after all he has done to me he is more concerned now about what im doing.

And of course, you don't have your husband blocked from Facebook, so he could see what you were doing.

I suspect he may also have something on your phone and your car.

But don't ever be crying over him and feel sorry for him at any time EVER AGAIN. Because you know he is a bad guy and what he is like and he keeps on biting you real hard.

I would be hiding outside all the time and when I see him approaching your place, call the police about a prowler outside, then sneaking up on him and spraying him with the pepper spray that would immobilize him (the type that Dog the Bounty Hunter uses --mentioned in response 2 below). Then I would be giving his gnads some knee action. I think he would be on the ground for a while.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090330222928AA4lhSm


I think your STBX wouldn't be hanging around your place so much if he thought he was going to be getting the crap knocked out of him all the time. I may be disabled, but I believe if you're fighting me, you better pack a lunch because you're going to be there a long time. My ex learned that and your STBX needs to learn that.

By the way, I also had a stalker just a few years ago, and I gathered all the evidence and appeared before the court with the petition and the judge made it real clear in the order that the judge wasn't allowed anywhere near me or to contact me and it was relayed to the process server too that he would be sitting in the city jail until the judge could get to him if he violated the order. The guy never bothered me again, because he knew he would be spending time in jail with that judge.

Yeah, you gotta love this man.

Astimegoesby, here's a cup of coffe, raising mine in cheers to you. Survivor with a caring heart and her head on strait. You go girl

You also post the topic "HELP ME" frequently. No one here can really help you and your help comes from YOU. YOU getting strong and fierce and strongly fighting a stalker at your home and work, a prowler outside your home at night, someone who apparently has hacked equipment onto your phone, car and computer, AND A MAN WHO WAS SEXUALLY INAPPROPRIATE WITH YOUR ADULT DAUGHTER--that alone would have earned him an ass whooping from many females here.

When you act like a victim, your husband treats you like one and he gets really mean and viscous with you. You come across here too often as a victim. You have to put the victim away and bring out the professional fighter.

For each incident he does to you, you have to be on it immediately and strike back at that moment and be tougher. You declare this as war. You have to be planning in advance and be ready for him. He hammers at my door, I'm calling the police and saying a creep is hammering at my door and he's going to break down the door. So they're on the way and I open the door and give him a fast shovel to his knees and then bring it up fast under his chin, then to his gut. My arsenal is strategically located inside the home and waiting to be used.

He is throwing stones at my upstairs window and yelling nasty stuff under that window, you call police that prowler is downstairs and throwing stones at your upstairs windows. They're on the way, so you empty a bucket of some really horrible dye color onto him out that window (that you're keeping at that window all the time for quick use). It will be a mess to get out of his skin, face and hair and if the police go to his place the evidence will be that he is covered in the dye that matches the bucket you have. Don't throw jewelry at him because he can sell that and use the money. It's better that you sell it and use the money.

Be strong! Don't let him win by tearing you down. If you're not already seeing a therapist you should. Find someone who understands domestic violence. Start making yourself strong so you can fight back! Never allow yourself to be the victim again!