Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
foolmet2wice
This is a long story so I'll abbreviate wherever possible. I've been married for 35 years, no children, 5 dogs. 14 years ago we bought a house on 4 acres with a shop that he turned into his own grooming business. He had been laid off from his second job and worked for a groomer. We'll he never did anything to start his business, I placed all the ads and got us to festivals where he could sell dog beds he made and hand out business cards. 2 year later he was diagnosed with Hepatitis C. His health went steadily downhill and I became his nursemaid. Soon after diagnosis he moved to the spare BR because he was afraid to pass anything to me. He joined the Hep C list on DS and got deep into treatment trial possibilities. He met a woman his age with Hep C and started up a phone and text relationship with her. She is twice divorced and ives in a small rental in Sonoma CA, and lonely. I nursed him for 6 years while he was sick then through his incredibly difficult 48 week treatment. I noticed he told me less about his treatment, and, apparently, more to her.
Understand that his business was declining and I had a full time job with benefits which kept a roof over our heads.
The day he found he was virus free, he told her, not me. When I came home from work that day, he was shaking and told me he told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me and felt trapped. He was going to move her into our rental house, which was out of the question to me at the time. (The rental has since been sold.) He would talk to her in the carport for hours in the evenings disparaging me within my earshot. His gmail account was open one day and I found that he opened a new paypal account and sent her $700 which she used to fly in to meet him in the area. I found that out when he used the wrong debit card. I called him and I told him to never come back. The next night he called, crying saying he made a big mistake and was coming home, not that night but the next night! He came back but never committed to working on our relationship In fact he said he would move into the rental house with his gf, or would threaten to move to CA from time to time.
Two years went by and I never trusted him and looking back should have seen red lights. He was still in the spare BR and on the phone a lot. This ChristmasI had issues with how he treated a present I gave him and on New Year's eve day he was on the phone outside, I asked him who he was talking to and he just said "I'm moving to Atlanta" where his old folks live. He packed his van with all of his belongings telling me that he would visit his folks, get a storage unit in Atlanta, then drive to California, but would be back "in the area" "soon". He wanted to see if they were compatible before he moved her to SC or GA. He told his mother that this was his last chance to find happiness. (!) He is now living in CA with his gf. She is working, he is waiting for his SS (April) and is being supported by his gf, like he was supported by me. He has fallen into his same routine: While gf is working, he is on the computer all day and has started calling his mom, and even me to kill time. The last time he called me, he chit-chatted like nothing was out of the ordinary. Imagine, calling his wife from his gf's house in CA where he live with and f*cks her just to chat! Meaning he thinks of me as a friend, not a wife. He has said that the treatment fried his brain and he has felt like he's been on LSD since the treatment. He said he's not the same person he used to be. He will not see if there is some kind of medicine to help him or see a therapist. Frankly, I am sick of that excuse.
He left me with 5 dogs, and 4 acres to mow. Evidently, he was able to plan to move for 2 years, but had no plans for the dogs other than I would take care of them. 4 are Borzoi which are bigger and heavier than greyhounds. I cannot pick them up and have no vehicle big enough to transport them to the vet if necessary. He is trying to leave all options open for himself while he tries out his new gf. He acts like I'm his mother and he is 15 years old, not 62.
Understand that his business was declining and I had a full time job with benefits which kept a roof over our heads.
The day he found he was virus free, he told her, not me. When I came home from work that day, he was shaking and told me he told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me and felt trapped. He was going to move her into our rental house, which was out of the question to me at the time. (The rental has since been sold.) He would talk to her in the carport for hours in the evenings disparaging me within my earshot. His gmail account was open one day and I found that he opened a new paypal account and sent her $700 which she used to fly in to meet him in the area. I found that out when he used the wrong debit card. I called him and I told him to never come back. The next night he called, crying saying he made a big mistake and was coming home, not that night but the next night! He came back but never committed to working on our relationship In fact he said he would move into the rental house with his gf, or would threaten to move to CA from time to time.
Two years went by and I never trusted him and looking back should have seen red lights. He was still in the spare BR and on the phone a lot. This ChristmasI had issues with how he treated a present I gave him and on New Year's eve day he was on the phone outside, I asked him who he was talking to and he just said "I'm moving to Atlanta" where his old folks live. He packed his van with all of his belongings telling me that he would visit his folks, get a storage unit in Atlanta, then drive to California, but would be back "in the area" "soon". He wanted to see if they were compatible before he moved her to SC or GA. He told his mother that this was his last chance to find happiness. (!) He is now living in CA with his gf. She is working, he is waiting for his SS (April) and is being supported by his gf, like he was supported by me. He has fallen into his same routine: While gf is working, he is on the computer all day and has started calling his mom, and even me to kill time. The last time he called me, he chit-chatted like nothing was out of the ordinary. Imagine, calling his wife from his gf's house in CA where he live with and f*cks her just to chat! Meaning he thinks of me as a friend, not a wife. He has said that the treatment fried his brain and he has felt like he's been on LSD since the treatment. He said he's not the same person he used to be. He will not see if there is some kind of medicine to help him or see a therapist. Frankly, I am sick of that excuse.
He left me with 5 dogs, and 4 acres to mow. Evidently, he was able to plan to move for 2 years, but had no plans for the dogs other than I would take care of them. 4 are Borzoi which are bigger and heavier than greyhounds. I cannot pick them up and have no vehicle big enough to transport them to the vet if necessary. He is trying to leave all options open for himself while he tries out his new gf. He acts like I'm his mother and he is 15 years old, not 62.
It sounds like you are not in denial anymore either, and you are hurting and finding your anger. I hope you are able to divorce and heal. I would cut contact with him for a while to allow you to start healing. Why talk to him and re-open the wound fresh each time?
Oh - and stop answering the phone when he calls. You've been his nursemaid long enough.