Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've been married for 4 years. Twin boys, 3 years old. Last year one of my son's accidentally ingested one of my husband's oxy's. He's a veteran and had developed quite an addiction- was buying extra from a friend on top of his prescription. My son had to go to the hospital, I was questioned, it was terrible. Made him leave with the ultimatum that he had to stop painkillers and stop lying to me (compulsive liar) altogether or divorce. He went to rehab and has been clean for a year. Made so many positive changes. But just recently I caught him in another lie. He's been hiding our finances from me and telling me we have to cut down on groceries. I find out he's spent $1000 over 2 months on his stupid computer game. Even worse, I find a conversation he had with a 15 year old girl that went on for 2 days. Nothing too damning or inappropriate- just talking about life. But she does ask his age and he says, "I don't want to tell you, you'd freak out." Then later tells her he's 30 and the conversation continues. I know there are people of all ages that play that game and are in his guild, but he had assured me that he wasn't talking to any girls. I just can't see how talking to a 15 year old is normal. The money I could possibly forgive- he has come a long way- but the girl thing really gets me. What would you do? I still love him. I'm aching without him.
I'd put the cards on the table. Hiding finances is cot conducive to a positive family relationship.
Is he developing an addiction to young girls? I am concerned about him in conversation with the 15 year old MINOR girl online. He lied about his age so he's lying to the girl too so the conversation isn't just nothing. That's only one conversation and there could have been other girls. There are too many predators that look for under age girls, so he has to stop this and remind him that Dateline does shows on the male predators ALL THE TIME.
This minor age girl is placing herself at risk on the internet by talking to adult men on the internet--much like our husband. If I were the girl's mother, I would be taking away her computer and phone and contacting your husband and raising hell. You do say "nothing TOO DAMNING OR INAPPROPRIATE" which means to me that there WAS some damning or inappropriate there. So hold off on "aching for him" because he should not be contacting 15 year olds on the internet.
Truthfully, do you know the real man that is now your husband? I don't think so and he is a different person then you knew.
He belongs in therapy because there's stuff going on here that needs to be resolved.
I went through the video game thing too with my ex...(who is also a vet and addict)
Hugs!
If I were you, I would try to research on the internet as much as possible about men on the internet and underage girls before the counseling. I would also research predators so you are fully aware of everything about them too. It would help to know as much as possible.
My concern is that some predators groom kids over a long period of time to gain full trust and get clear access to them. Men have done that to have sex with an underage girl with her consent (although the law I believe in most states doesn't consider minors at that age to be able to provide consent) and the hammer doesn't fall on them until a parent finds out and is willing to press charges.
What he's doing feels creepy and nasty and something he had to hide and not talk openly about with you until you found it. So he knew he was doing wrong and that's without you knowing his full intentions. But he can't be engaging minor girls on the internet. Take care of yourself and many hugs.
It seems like he has a problem setting boundaries and making mature choices. If he relapses with drugs, I can only imagine how much worse his judgement and actions might be :( I'd advise making what your expectations are of him really clear, and communicate what the consequences will be if they are not met. Nobody is perfect, and we all make mistakes and go through rough patches, but you need to protect your children first. If it turns out he can't meet your expectations, you may need to cut your losses.