Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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nikeroley23 01/03/2008

So New Years strikes and who calls after all these months...My Ex..telling me how much he misses me and that he still loves me and is not happy with his life because im not in it..not to mention telling hoe sorry he is for what he did to me..He really thought after all this time I would call him...Seriously now do you really think that I would..But really I love him so much and want a life with him. but this person that he has become really I couldnt go back to that.. Remember I took him back before and then had to find out all this stuff when I left him. Oh what should I do when I still love him so, but really I still cant forget what he did to me with the cheating and the lying.

deleted_user 01/03/2008

Baby steps.
You were hurt before but you still love him.
Take tiny baby steps and see if he really MEANS what he says. IMO

deleted_user 01/03/2008

I've had this same conversation before, and though i don't know you, I am confident when i say that you're worth more than that. He's cheated on you and lied to you in the past, he will do it again - and you are worth a lot more than that and deserve to be treated much better than he obviously has. If you can see that, you'll see what he has really done to you, and you'll know why you can't go back.

deleted_user 01/03/2008

I think two people can work anythign out if they truly want it bad enough, but it won't be easy! There is no way of knowing if he truly wants to change his ways or if he is just falling back to something he feels comfortable with. You also have to be able to forive and forget. The biggest factor is wether you feel you can trust him.

nikeroley23 01/03/2008

I would say that hurt is an understatement of what I went through when this all happen to me. Still hurts I have to say, Yes I know that I deserve to be with someone who truly loves me and loves being with me, Him telling me that he has always loved me reallu makes me wondering if he is lying because really all 7 years I felt there was 1 moment and I told him that. Yea 2 people have to really want to make it work, but forgeting or forgiving right now really I cant. The way he treated me really how can someone forget that.

deleted_user 01/03/2008

I think the phrase forgive and forget is so overused... especially in faith based circles. In my opinion, it is for God to forgive and forget... it is for us to forgive, but not to forget - if we forget the hurt and the pain, we will only walk right back into it.

Yes, like others said, it's possible to work anything out - but what's the likelihood? Is it worth hurting even more? In my opinion it's not. There are much better people in this world - and if you let him continue to tear you down, it will only be harder for oyu to trust in the future.

deleted_user 01/03/2008

If you can't forgive and forget and you can't trust him, then that pretty much sums it all up. Ask yourself, what do you want? Are you willing to settle? Do you want more than what you had? Do you think there is any hope? Ask yourself all the hard questions and be honest. Sometimes we have to think with our heads and not our hearts! Its sad to say that, but its true!

nikeroley23 01/03/2008

To be honest deep down I know that we are meant to be together, its almost like he has to go through a hard life to see that, but right now I cant forget the pain and still going though it..It was me who decided that I cant be with him anymore..

deleted_user 01/03/2008

I totally understand reply #2.
It was you that said no more and you stated you do love him. It will be very hard to build up that trust again. You will have to wear a suit of armor until you can trust him again. That's why I said baby steps. I would only talk at first, by phone, e-mail, whatever before I meet him face to face until you are BOTH ready to take the next "step".
Good luck to you!

deleted_user 01/03/2008

If you think you are meant to be together then I suggest you do as mrniceguy said....baby steps. Take it slow, one day at a time, make him earn it. If he truly loves you he will jump through whatever hoops are necessary to make it work.

I know I would have done anything to make my marriage work, if he feels the same way then maybe there is hope.

nikeroley23 01/03/2008

I dont know if I should call him back you know, I know for sure baby steps, but isnt that even giving him something, I know for sure Im not letting him back in like I did before, look what happen, I was worse off..I dont know baby steps for sure.

deleted_user 01/03/2008

Are you seeing a therapist? It could be very helpful in working through your emotions and deciding what you really want to do. If he is serious and willing to do whatever is necessary to get you back, then you could send him a message, I wouldn't talk to him at this point, and say you think you both need some individual counseling so you can figure out what is best for each of you. Then, if you both truly want to work on the relationship after you have worked through the pain you can try again with the baby steps. Good luck in making your decision.

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