Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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ugh

Skwerl
Skwerl
So when I dropped my son off tonight, we talked a little about the financial stuff, she doesn't want to sell the house she can't afford on her own, and I don't want to keep paying for it blah blah.. That and the birthday think started to get a little heated, but we calmed down and made a few good compromises blah blah.

As I was about to leave, I told her as much as I hated to say it, I still loved her. She hugged me and said "me too" and I hugged her. I don't think she does, not in the same way, but that's okay. We cried a little and I said I'm sorry, she said so too. I touched her face and said bye and walked out.

I didn't think before something like that would be good for me moving on, but it felt right. I'm still angry and bitter and still don't excuse her for the things she did, and she's still very upset about the things I did. But it kinda felt like a little closure? I don't know..

ugh this sucks..
GeocacherNY
GeocacherNY
it's a process, it won't change overnight

it's a journey of self-discovery
deleted_user
deleted_user
Geo is right. If this is it and there is no hope for reconciliation then I suggest that you drop off your son and talk to her about things over the phone so that you aren't tempted to look at her and fall apart and want to touch her and hold her and tell her that you love her. I don't know if you have a lawyer yet, but I suggest that you start talking to one STAT. The financial aspect of separation/divorce gets a little hairy and you need legal advice on what you should or shouldn't be paying... and if the house needs to be sold because she can't afford it and you aren't legally entitled to maintain paying mortgage/rent then that is what has to be done.

Don't give yourself or don't let her give you false hope by letting emotions impair your progress to recovery. If you are looking at this as closure that's great - but let it be that. Don't let it be something that is going to make your mind start reeling "She told me she loved me... She hugged me.... Does this mean that she's having a change of heart?" It's not good.
Skwerl
Skwerl
Oh no, it was nothing like that. It definitely felt like an "ending", or a baby step closer to one anyway.
There's no false hope, this D is on F-ing rails lol.
GeocacherNY
GeocacherNY
then it's all about you now, but with a 6 yr old, there's some good civil considerations from both of you
deleted_user
deleted_user
Well good! = ) and if you guys can keep it amicable then you should really have no serious issues.
lycesq
lycesq
Baby steps, Wind -a cordial relationship with the sbtx can only help the kids (and you).

Lynne
totallychaotic247
totallychaotic247
It does sound like the beginning of closure. It is good for you, it can only help you be a better parent if you can accept the situation for what it is. Hugs, it hurts!
Skwerl
Skwerl
It feels like I have lost a lot of the anger and bitterness. Mostly because I was finally able to admit to myself that I still have love for her. Our marriage is still very over, and she's still confused and wrong about a lot of her reasonings, so I am still somewhat angry and bitter, probably always will be. But just being able to have more compassion than resentment means so much to me right now...
Oh well, we'll see what the roller coaster brings tomorrow ;)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think the moment when you realize that you still love the other person but you know that the your relationship is over as you know it is so very bittersweet but also a sign that you are healing. Good luck. Hope the roller coaster brings more good feelings or excitement and adventure for the future.