Hi, I'm Suzy, recently broke up with significant other. I am so glad a friend referred me here, the online support is wonderful. I'm going through surrender, not putting up a fight this time to his choice to end our relationship. I am doing it one day at time, not contacting him, feeling some feelings, crying, journaling, talking about it some, usually with tears. It hurts. I am feeling sadness. I have felt angry as the situation was highly dysfunctional, and even knowing this it was not my choice to leave. I am showing growth in surrendering this time. I am grateful I am no longer dealing with the effects of our problems as a couple, though I still have the aftermath to deal with. I am choosing to stay away from a very big part of my life which are my home AA meetings where I met him, in order to get out of the "loop" that includes him or those who were caught up in our relationship. It was hard to have a public relationship and have people see our problems, such as seeing me cry or seeing us argue or hearing him share about our breakups. I choose to stay away to not get lured back as I've done before. He was my best friend and closest person in my life for the last year. Yes, there were problems. I realize they were not getting better, they were getting worse, it takes 2 to be accountable to our shortcomings and need for change. I can't do it alone. I can't continue to push him into a relationship with me when it's clearly taken a turn for the worse, ans I can't blame him for his lack of investment in getting through issues. I am glad I am left with me, a person who cares and is willing to try to do whatever it takes to get through stuff. I cannot do this without a willing partner! I will survive. I don't want to rebound into another relationship, though he might, and I don't was his choices to leave me feeling upset. I am glad to be me and I am better for having lived through what I did, though I have some issues to deal with. I have some dependency issues in relationships. I tend to isolate. I can be critical. I tend to blame myself when things go wrong. I have trouble confronting. I settle. I exclude others from my life or our situations to the point of dysfunction. I can learn and grow and trust God, that is my hope. I am not in control, God is. And I know we still love eachother, though that expression of love may have gotten screwed up. I can forgive, that is my strength, and it releases me of the burden of holding a grudge. God is the judge. God knows how I've suffered. God knows my heart, and I am not perfect.
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