Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So I've replaying in my head everything that has happened and I try to find the answer of why he left. At first I thought about how perhaps I could of been different. Maybe if I would of done this or that... But at the end of it, I am so tired of blaming myself. I am so done about wondering what type of person I am.
Yesterday I went out , just to have a drink with my friend and honestly, I know I am far from dating again... But what if I never find someone again? What if I am destined to be alone forever?
I am 25 and to me ... That is young, but at this point I have to start all over again. I went home and I was devastated, I cried until I fell asleep and all I wanted to do was talk to him. Tell him I miss him. I love him.
But I stopped myself, because like an addiction that would be reverting back. But today I was at the park with my prek class, and I was talking to this older man who said this was the worst time of his life because his wife has cancer, and he wishes it was him who was suffering not her. How he can't deal with it Sometimes, but what gets him through it... Is The love that he has for her.
So I started thinking, what if I did stay with this person? What if god forbid this happens to me? What if I become paralyzed, how stressed would he be? He would of left, because he is a coward.
Ultimately I want someone who truly means " till death do us part" not " till I get too stressed out" in some way or another, this could be seen as a blessing.
I want to be happy. I want to get over him. Before he left he told me he didn't want to file for divorce because he wanted to see how he "feels" like an idiot I was holding on to the thought he would "feel" like he wants to be with me.
But who is he to keep me waiting around? What do you guys think? Should I just go ahead and file? Should I give it some time? What did u guys do?
Yesterday I went out , just to have a drink with my friend and honestly, I know I am far from dating again... But what if I never find someone again? What if I am destined to be alone forever?
I am 25 and to me ... That is young, but at this point I have to start all over again. I went home and I was devastated, I cried until I fell asleep and all I wanted to do was talk to him. Tell him I miss him. I love him.
But I stopped myself, because like an addiction that would be reverting back. But today I was at the park with my prek class, and I was talking to this older man who said this was the worst time of his life because his wife has cancer, and he wishes it was him who was suffering not her. How he can't deal with it Sometimes, but what gets him through it... Is The love that he has for her.
So I started thinking, what if I did stay with this person? What if god forbid this happens to me? What if I become paralyzed, how stressed would he be? He would of left, because he is a coward.
Ultimately I want someone who truly means " till death do us part" not " till I get too stressed out" in some way or another, this could be seen as a blessing.
I want to be happy. I want to get over him. Before he left he told me he didn't want to file for divorce because he wanted to see how he "feels" like an idiot I was holding on to the thought he would "feel" like he wants to be with me.
But who is he to keep me waiting around? What do you guys think? Should I just go ahead and file? Should I give it some time? What did u guys do?
If there is no participation from him. No contact. No effort being made to even keep a positive relationship/communication going between you two, then you will need to make the decision for whats best for you. I don't believe it is someone who can't even be in your life part time. But in the end, its your call. Just don't let too much time go by. Don't let it define you or your future life. Easier said than done but if you can keep that in your foremind, it may help you know when its time to do whats right for you.
hang in there.
before he left, i was desperate for an answer and i asked him, once you leave this house, are you seeking divorce right away?..and this was his response.
"No, not right away because i want to see how I feel, I dont want to rush into anything"
so then I would ask him .."O.K, so there is hope" and then he would say "No, dont have hope"...
I dont know how to take this as, is it me that doesnt see the truth? I am sorry for just going on and on, this has honestly been the only support group ive had, and at this point I am just venting.
Thank you to everyone, you all have been so helpful.
No, not right away because i want to see how I feel, I dont want to rush into anything"
so then I would ask him .."O.K, so there is hope" and then he would say "No, dont have hope"...
Allow me to translate this for you: Basically what he is saying is, "I want to go out and be free and date others. I don't want to rush into a divorce because I might decide to come back later, if things don't work out, and I don't want to suffer financial fallout that divorce could cause if I don't really have to. I really don't want to be with you, but I also don't want to end up alone so I'm going to be vague and confusing so you don't rush out and file for divorce before I get my end all worked out."
What you have to ask yourself is are you a priority to him or an option? You are allowing him to make decisions about YOUR life, and he expects you to just sit quietly and wait while he makes up his mind.
I think you need to set some boundaries for him:
1) If you have not made a decision to either commit to the marriage or end it by _____________, I will file for divorce.
2) Committing to the marriage means we both will go to couples counseling. If he balks, he walks.
Realize when you set this boundary, you gotta follow through. So if you're not prepared to do that, don't set the boundary.
You deserve better.
Hugs!
I am just to hurt to admit what is going on. I dont understand how someone who promised to love me till death do us part hurt me so much and not have a care in this world.
I have to file. I know i do. But i need closure, i dont know how to do it without contacting him.
I concur with the playback to an extent. As long as you are playing things back in order to better yourself, not fix a sinking ship. If you find things to improve upon, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to blame yourself. Just adjust or change them so you can look yourself in the mirror.
I Know I am currently stuck in limbo with an absentee girlfriend, and it is unnerving, and weird, and frankly i go back and forth, and not really sure myself.
Limbo sucks, and those who put others in limbo SUCK!!
you can choose to extricate yourself, walk away, give up, call it quits, walk TOWARD something or someone new
ANY TIME YOU WANT.
and you dont even have to feel like a jerk when you do !