Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm guessing that when you remember being with your partner, you probably remember something really happy and wonderful, cuddling up, being close and warm and all loved up. Something really romantic. And you know what, this is a massive part of the reason why you are now experiencing so much pain. You need to change your focus. Here's what I mean.
If you sit down, take a few breaths and really think, I bet you can remember times when your relationship with your ex was less than perfect. Can you remember the arguments, the put downs, the things they did that got on your nerves? The things they did that really pissed you off?
I want you to think of at least 3 occasions, right now, when your relationship with them was anywhere from a disappointment to down right obnoxious. Next, I want you to take each of these times in turn and really flesh them out as much as you can. Can you remember the tone of voice used, can you remember where it happened, can you remember how you were feeling? What exactly was said or done? Really get a good idea of each occasion.
You'll know if you've done this enough because you'll have 3 solid memories of your relationship that make you feel angry or upset.
Why is this so important to you in healing a broken heart?
Because it changes your focus of attention. Currently your focus is feeding your pain, your sense of loss and that's killing you.
Doing this exercise helps you to let go, it helps you to remember that the relationship with your ex wasn't all sweetness and light. It gives you a balanced perspective of what the relationship was really like and it helps you to let go and focus on where you want to go.
Thought this might help...
http://ezinearticles.com/?Getting-Over-A-Breakup-Quickly&id=5084509
If you sit down, take a few breaths and really think, I bet you can remember times when your relationship with your ex was less than perfect. Can you remember the arguments, the put downs, the things they did that got on your nerves? The things they did that really pissed you off?
I want you to think of at least 3 occasions, right now, when your relationship with them was anywhere from a disappointment to down right obnoxious. Next, I want you to take each of these times in turn and really flesh them out as much as you can. Can you remember the tone of voice used, can you remember where it happened, can you remember how you were feeling? What exactly was said or done? Really get a good idea of each occasion.
You'll know if you've done this enough because you'll have 3 solid memories of your relationship that make you feel angry or upset.
Why is this so important to you in healing a broken heart?
Because it changes your focus of attention. Currently your focus is feeding your pain, your sense of loss and that's killing you.
Doing this exercise helps you to let go, it helps you to remember that the relationship with your ex wasn't all sweetness and light. It gives you a balanced perspective of what the relationship was really like and it helps you to let go and focus on where you want to go.
Thought this might help...
http://ezinearticles.com/?Getting-Over-A-Breakup-Quickly&id=5084509
This exercise sounds more peaceful and meditative! I will try it!
I'm now at a place where I can bring up all of those memories, including the crime, and NOT feel anymore hatred, and not because I choose not to, but because it's all been processed and slowly fell away, like sand through my finger tips. It feels incredibly clean, and settled.
And I think that's why every few weeks I feel the love again, and the missing of the part of him that was so lovable, because there is room to do that soft, quiet grieving now, if that's what it is.
The entire thing was a learning experience for me. Nothing turned out as I had planned, the learning curve was steep and dizzying sometimes, and my letting go of my hubris let me find the patience to have things happen in their own time, not mine.
I feel softer and gentler (rather than defensive and on-guard)in my life now than I have in a very VERY long time.
thats one thing i am working on in therapy and outside of therapy- i am a pro at knowing how to cope with depression- but anger scares me because im afraid i will get out of control. there were so many stressful times in our short marriage and i got so angry i didnt recognize myself- and it scares me to go there. i know i need to in order to get to the other side- but it is a problem area for me and at least i am aware of it. :)
this is a great exercise tho. much appreciated.