Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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HELP

sheemee
sheemee
I was seeing this guy for about three months now but we met online and talked for a few months before meeting. So in all we've known each other six months. A month after we met I found out he has a horrible drug addiction problem to crack. When I found out I was done I didnt want to see him anymore and he begged me to give him time he said he really cared about me and didnt want to lose me over that. Well November 12th he went to the hospital for help to get clean, he was admitted to the psych ward and waiting for a bed in a long term treatment facility. I ve been there for him every step of the way, I went and bought him food clothes I visited him everyday and brought him coffee, I was so happy he was getting help. Well saturday night when I was there visiting a staff member came up to me while he was out of the room and said "I thought you guys were broken up, I'm surprised to see you cuz he was with another patient that was here this week, you're a sweet girl, too nice for him"
I was in shock after everything I've done for him and he cheats on me!!! I know this staff person personally and I know she wouldnt have said something unless it was pretty obvious somthing was going on with him and the other girl. I was so devastated, he denies anything happened he says its a misunderstanding, I was really pissed and upset, he called me a few times yesterday saying he missed me and loved me, well last night I called him to talk and he was being an asshole, I had to drop off his winter jacket to him, he saw me when I dropped it off and said thank you. This morning I called where he s at because he's going to be going to the rehab today, I just wanted to wish him luck, and say I didnt like how things ended between us like we hate each other, I 'm just torn up inside and didnt think things would end this way. Well when I called he wouldnt take my call had person who answered say he'd call me back and he hasnt called me back. I already felt horrible betrayed and broken, and now he wont even talk to me, I m not the one that did anything wrong..........I m in so much pain I dont know what to do, I have this tightness in my chest and just keep thinking about him about us everything I did for him, him betraying me, wanting so bad to beilieve him that nothing happened, I thought things couldnt get worse but him ignoring me after he s the one that hurt me.............is fucking worse!!! Please any kind words would be appreciated
lostsoul72
lostsoul72
You are far to kind to this man. Personally I would suggest cutting your losses and moving on with your life. You appear to be a care taker by nature and from what I read into this post he is a abuser and a user and will take you for all he can get and then throw you away.

I am sorry to say such hurtfull things , but that is the way I see it and you are far to good to be taken advantage of!


Best of luck !
hopeless73
hopeless73
Thank goodness you are in the early stages of this "relationship". It sounds to me like you are dodging a bullet if you run as fast as you can away from him. You have already been sucked into providing over and above for this guy.

One question I always ask myself when I get involved too quickly with someone who is needy is "Where is everyone else in his/her life and why am I already his/her best friend and taking care of this person?"
Chances are they have already alienated/used up everyone else's goodwill and are looking for another person to use.

It hurts, but don't do what I did - keep hoping it will get better and hanging on for 1 1/2 yrs. The hurt will only get worse. He is toxic!

You deserve better!
MyTrueColors
MyTrueColors
I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. I understand as I have been there. And I can tell you it rarely gets better w/an addict. No matter how much you do for them, all you do is lose yourself.

I completely agree w/lostsoul.

Wow, I know this isn't the most important thing here, but for a "hospital" to allow "patients" to have relationships while getting "clean" is a HUGE NO-NO!!! And if the staff member was lying, that is a sign of a highly dysfunctional hospital. Sadly many drug and alcohol hospitals/rehabs are highly dysfunctional.

Even if he didn't cheat, he's an ADDICT and you deserve better. Addicts cheat, lie and have only ONE LOVE - THEIR DRUG(S) OF CHOICE. (not yelling, just emphasizing)

I promise you that the ONLY way you will have any closure is within you. Because you're dealing w/an addict, you aren't dealing w/the person. You're dealing with the drug which is 10% of the problem. The other 90% you're dealing with is behavior. That can't change until the person stops using 100% forever. And once they stop using the hard work begins. They have to do the work to change their behavior. That will take a really long time. And there's always a really strong chance that they will relapse again and again.

Your life will will be a living hell if you stay in contact with him.

Please go COMPLETE NO CONTACT and never look back. I also suggest getting some counseling to help you put some closure to this.

~healing hugs~
yougospam
yougospam
Ditto what everyone here said. Cut your losses and run. You don't deserve that kind of treatment. Everyone has a good side but you already know what his bad side is and sometimes the bad out weighs the good. I know it hurts but right now he isn't in a healthy place to offer you anything. You'd rather hurt now then still be dealing with this in a year from now.
Take care~
sheemee
sheemee
Thank you all so much for the kind words I was nervous to post about this because of criticsim I'd get but your words are giving me strength. I ve been sitting here stewing and upset because he hasnt called me but after reading your replies its a blessing in disguise. I ve known from the beginning this isnt a good situation but I guess cuz of low self esteem and being lonely and him always reaching out to me cuz he needed something I kept putting it off, then when he got help I was so happy and he was saying all this sweet stuff...........I need help. I realize that more than ever I really need help, I'm 32 and completely miserable my only happiness was with an addict, and all he did was lie use and manipulate me and now even he is ignoring me. Again thank you all for your kind words I need all the support I can get right now.
hopeless73
hopeless73
sheeme- we really do understand and are happy to give you any support you need.

You are an awesome, caring person! Never settle for ANYONE who doesn't deserve you!

Hugs and love!
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
You sound like a nice and caring girlfriend, believe me there's plenty of men who would appreciate your gestures and visits to the hospital. This clown is a douchebag, he's shown his true colors. Be thankful it's relatively early, drop him and don't look back.
sheemee
sheemee
Thank you all, I'm getting ready for work now and just wondering how I'm going to make it..........its a roller coaster right now. I keep hoping each time my phone rings that its him, I wish I could turn off caring about him, I never stay angry at people. He's the one who did something wrong and I'm the one hurting, that s the hardest part is knowing the other person is fine. I want him to miss me, I want him to feel this way.......this tightness in my chest, the nauseous I feel, the dread of each coming moment. Knowing its going to be awhile before I even feel okay. ...........thank you all for your support I really need it right now, I've been re-reading the posts trying to build more strenght
TokyoRose
TokyoRose
I dated a crack addict for three years. What everyone is saying here is true. No matter how nice he seems, your guy is a hostage to his addiction. And the addict is the one holding the strings and is calling ALL the shots. Until he gets clean and has STAYED clean for at least a year, don't go near him. Because even though he probably hates himself for doing so, he will continue to lie to you for so long as it serves his needs. The drug comes first: don't let any sweet words tell you otherwise! Addicts are MASTER manipulators. Don't get sucked into his vortex. Take it from one who knows!
MyTrueColors
MyTrueColors
It would help you immensely if you blocked his number from your phone and email, as well as all social media. It will be like going thru withdrawals at first, but the longer you can stay No Contact, the easier it gets.

Take the time to grieve by honoring & expressing your feelings. Write him a good bye letter, telling him what you will and won't miss about him. ABSOLUTELY DO NOT SEND OR GIVE IT TO HIM. Instead burn it and create a 'good bye' ceremony around it. You may have to do this more than once, but it will help you release so you can move on.

~healing hugs~
patti22
patti22
Be careful.

All of what your friends says is probably true, but talking about him to anyone without his permission is a violation of HIPPA. It could get your friend fired or sued. It doesn't matter if they're the janitor or head of the hospital.
introvert61
introvert61
You have known him for such a brief amount of time to be this hooked into him. Please, please block his number and don't contact him again. You are in for a lifetime of heartache if you continue to engage with him. Run like the chill autumn wind!
sakuraowl
sakuraowl
Let him go , don't waste your time with someone so ungrateful and selfish. The fact that he is a drug addict is more then enough reason to get away from him asap . If it was just an addiction it is bad enough and reason enough to not be with him. He has big problems and it isn't your job to solve them. Add to that ,he is with someone else, he doesn't care for you the same as you care for him. He wants something from you and don't let him take it. This is not a fairy tale that he will get clean and you will be happily ever after. This man is more then likely using you for something he needs at the moment . Please consider that you are much more valuable then to choose to be with someone like this. Plus, if he is a drug addict and he is cheating there is a high chance you will eventually catch a serious disease from him. Don't do this to yourself. You are worth much more then this guy. He is just a man , not a hero, not a knight in shining armor , he is just a drug addict who doesn't care about you like you think. It hurts to have invested time with him but you can't win when drugs are involved. Please take care of yourself.
michaelsk
michaelsk
sheemee,

It seems to me that you are the giver and he was/is the taker. You didn't do anything wrong other then allow him to still hurt you. He is the wrong one... and even though I am a guy, I will let you in on something... Guys are jerks...

However some are not... I hope you are able to move on and find one of the good ones, really sounds like you deserve it!
sheemee
sheemee
Thank you all so much for everything you've said, I havent spoken to him, he did text me yesterday (monday) but I havent talked to him since. I m feeling better about the situation, I'm realizing he s the one on the losing end here...........I did so much for him and he did very little for me, and what he did do or say was probably bull shit. I d like to think maybe in his own little way he cared about me, just so I dont feel like complete shit, but most likely he didnt. He s called me twice today I didnt answer either time, the first msg he left me was saying he was at the rehab he cant use the phone much and that there's visitng hours thanksgiving day he'd really appreciate it if I came.....eight hours later he calls again leaves another msg saying hey its not good idea for you to come thursday I have a lot of shit going on and I dont want to see you. At first i was hurt like what the hell did i do?? What happened why is he mad at me??? Then I just thought he's sick, he s not okay, he has long road ahead of him and I just prayed, I have my friends and family who are all reaching out to me knowing I m going thru a hard time and I realized he doesnt have that, I was that person to him but he didnt care, I just hope God helps him, I really hope he gets better, and I really hope I keep this way of thinking I currently have. Thanks again everyone you're all the best, you have no idea how much your posts have helped me!!!!