Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After being on this board for awhile, I stopped, until now.
2 months ago, I filed for a divorce, this is with another lawyer, the first one, just didn't work out, I wasn't ready, however, how can anyone be ready to leave your partner of 41 years. Especially me, because there is not alot of people I can call for support, in fact, no one at all. I asked my sister if I can stay with her until I clear my head, the anwer was a straight NO, there was no logic behind it, and as far as I can see, she is never going to be in my life again. The few people I had in my life, they deserted me, I guess, they were tired of listening to me go on and on about my husand, even this group, so I was told.
Why now you might ask?, Because my sweet little dog, Puppy, got so upset with the fighting, she got pulminaryy hypotention, and cushings disease, which I am sure is from stress. A little dog, who did no harm to no one, she got caught in this mess.
It only takes one thing, one thing, to say that's it. I told my husband over and over again, he can stop this divorce, just return my things from his girlfriends house which he stole from my home, so of it being not our things, but my things....Even last week, he got rid of a glass, just a glass, no big deal, but it was something I bought.
And Oct 15 was our anniversay, I bought him nothing....Nothing...
This was a man I lived with for 41 years. 12 years ago, he met this woman, and life hasn't been the same...
Today we went to the bank, and he withdrew money that he gave to me, and is taxable, this is not my problem. Seems I got a lawyer that is just doing the basic stuff, he won't get involved with banks unless he is paid $350.00 per hour. This, as I have said, is my 2nd lawyer, I don't want anymore lawyers.
So, what the hell, do I do with my life now?, I am (the truth) 66....Too late for the bar scene., Not that I want it. If I could shoot myself I would..
When we went to the bank, the financial man, said my stbx could save my stbx the taxable money, but it would involve another lawyer. I refused hands down. No more lawyers, just let this horrible lawyer finish up and let stbx leave.
You want to hear about this woman. He keeps telling me things, like he did her a favor after work (the first of millions), and she thanked him by kissing him on the lips. on the lips...
what know....I am only living for my dog. That's it. No family, except if you include a cousin who says it is ok for a husband to have a girlfriend. (a real nut).
I see nothing but depression and lonliness ahead of me. On top of this, I may need a hip replacement, and a hystorectomy,
Who will help me out??
He was my best friend.I never was lonely when he was my husband, and I was always hoping he would get rid of her...He keeps saying he did, he said today, he hasn't seen her for 6 years, last week it was 2 weeks. keeps changing....
How do you live when you have no one?? when you have no one to hold you, no one to love you?
I was on this group before, and several people yelled at me for staying in this marriage....Are you happy now, that I am out...
But what is the purpose of marriage when this is no love, no vacations anymore, no sex. And to see my little dog sick. She will have to be on pills for the rest of her life. And my cat who is 17 lbs...Who is going to take him to the vet....I am very close to needing a hip replacement, I cannot carry him. And he is very sick also. Diabetes.
Where is God? I have a social worker, and a case manager, and I asked my social worker if I could have a guardian for this miserable period of my life. But, I realize, I better not, I could end up with a guardian permanently, which I don't want.
I thought of going to assisted living, but it is expensive. 2 women I know are there, and the place has mice and bedbugs, and it just isn't a nice place. The place is mixed with people like me, mentally challenged, and some are just too wierd. One woman I know,just gave up, and is waiting to die. She was a model, was married to a doctor, and then she had a nervous breakdown, and her husband put her there and she is there 7 years, they told her she would only be there 6 months.Some husband...He divorced her. She had another nervous breakdown, and has a guardian who gets her mail, and got rid of her charge cards. I doubt she will live much longer. Heartbreak kills. Just like cancer.
2 months ago, I filed for a divorce, this is with another lawyer, the first one, just didn't work out, I wasn't ready, however, how can anyone be ready to leave your partner of 41 years. Especially me, because there is not alot of people I can call for support, in fact, no one at all. I asked my sister if I can stay with her until I clear my head, the anwer was a straight NO, there was no logic behind it, and as far as I can see, she is never going to be in my life again. The few people I had in my life, they deserted me, I guess, they were tired of listening to me go on and on about my husand, even this group, so I was told.
Why now you might ask?, Because my sweet little dog, Puppy, got so upset with the fighting, she got pulminaryy hypotention, and cushings disease, which I am sure is from stress. A little dog, who did no harm to no one, she got caught in this mess.
It only takes one thing, one thing, to say that's it. I told my husband over and over again, he can stop this divorce, just return my things from his girlfriends house which he stole from my home, so of it being not our things, but my things....Even last week, he got rid of a glass, just a glass, no big deal, but it was something I bought.
And Oct 15 was our anniversay, I bought him nothing....Nothing...
This was a man I lived with for 41 years. 12 years ago, he met this woman, and life hasn't been the same...
Today we went to the bank, and he withdrew money that he gave to me, and is taxable, this is not my problem. Seems I got a lawyer that is just doing the basic stuff, he won't get involved with banks unless he is paid $350.00 per hour. This, as I have said, is my 2nd lawyer, I don't want anymore lawyers.
So, what the hell, do I do with my life now?, I am (the truth) 66....Too late for the bar scene., Not that I want it. If I could shoot myself I would..
When we went to the bank, the financial man, said my stbx could save my stbx the taxable money, but it would involve another lawyer. I refused hands down. No more lawyers, just let this horrible lawyer finish up and let stbx leave.
You want to hear about this woman. He keeps telling me things, like he did her a favor after work (the first of millions), and she thanked him by kissing him on the lips. on the lips...
what know....I am only living for my dog. That's it. No family, except if you include a cousin who says it is ok for a husband to have a girlfriend. (a real nut).
I see nothing but depression and lonliness ahead of me. On top of this, I may need a hip replacement, and a hystorectomy,
Who will help me out??
He was my best friend.I never was lonely when he was my husband, and I was always hoping he would get rid of her...He keeps saying he did, he said today, he hasn't seen her for 6 years, last week it was 2 weeks. keeps changing....
How do you live when you have no one?? when you have no one to hold you, no one to love you?
I was on this group before, and several people yelled at me for staying in this marriage....Are you happy now, that I am out...
But what is the purpose of marriage when this is no love, no vacations anymore, no sex. And to see my little dog sick. She will have to be on pills for the rest of her life. And my cat who is 17 lbs...Who is going to take him to the vet....I am very close to needing a hip replacement, I cannot carry him. And he is very sick also. Diabetes.
Where is God? I have a social worker, and a case manager, and I asked my social worker if I could have a guardian for this miserable period of my life. But, I realize, I better not, I could end up with a guardian permanently, which I don't want.
I thought of going to assisted living, but it is expensive. 2 women I know are there, and the place has mice and bedbugs, and it just isn't a nice place. The place is mixed with people like me, mentally challenged, and some are just too wierd. One woman I know,just gave up, and is waiting to die. She was a model, was married to a doctor, and then she had a nervous breakdown, and her husband put her there and she is there 7 years, they told her she would only be there 6 months.Some husband...He divorced her. She had another nervous breakdown, and has a guardian who gets her mail, and got rid of her charge cards. I doubt she will live much longer. Heartbreak kills. Just like cancer.
Hurt and confusion is awful.
Worry and not knowing anything of the future
Hugs to you
To be with someone for 41 years is a long time and to be aware of this 12 year extra curricular activities is also a long time. After reading your post it occurred to me that over the last 12 years you have conditioned your own thought process in to dealing with it, but not in a way that is best for you.
Sure you can ask yourself why did I wait so long, why this, why me. Well the simple answer because we all let things happen to us when we truly believe what we have is worth fighting for. But sadly most often what we have is in our own heads and this is where a situation like your own becomes very difficult. You clearly filed for divorce out of desperation to either shock your husband back in to shape or to put a final stop on the abusive relationship.
Often we are completely unaware of an abusive relationship. Some people see abuse as physical or threatening behaviours, however this is not the case, abuse comes in many forms from the smallest to the largest things. Something so simple as repeated forgetting of a birthday can have a massive negative impact to another person. As humans we are extremely vulnerable and fragile in our emotions and to make things even more complex we are all vulnerable and fragile in very unique ways.
Try to take each day at a time, you don't have to worry what is going to happen in six months because if you don't focus on today there may not be a six months. You must consider distracting yourself. I know it must feel terribly lonely at the moment and you are probably taking a little comfort out of venting on line. That is great and keep doing it if it makes you feel any better. If you don't have any one to speak with speak to your dog and cat, Animals can be a wonderful companion when we need help and don't seem to have an ear to talk to. Play with your animals, vent on line and take each day one day at a time. And when you feel your mind jumping from one thing to another think to yourself "fu*& it" and move passed it. Remember, your 66 which means you must have been only 25 when you met your husband, so your feeling the insecurities of a 25 year old but a little later in life. You need to give yourself time to adjust.
I am on-line most nights and I am happy to have a chat hear with you if you think it may help.
All I ever wanted to be was a wife.
on monday, I have to go to the mamogram imagining clinic, because they could get a clear picture...I was told I may need hip replacement (I walk with a limp), and maybe a hystorectory.
I just cannot belive it. This divorce is really going to happen.
I ask myself why? And I do not know why?
This woman seduced my husband and he fell for it. I have a few surprise birthday parties for him, we had no kids, but I got alot of pets to be our children, so to speak. and he did love the pets...
Maybe I went overboard with them, but I loved them.
My girlfriend is blind, has diabetes, and she is alone in her home all day, and her husband is there for her all the time after work.
Life is cruel...depression is awful. It stinks.
The hardest part is to accept what is happening and just let it happen. Letting go is the most difficult thing. Just because you have no kids does not make the pain any easier to deal with.
I agree with blondie33, you have already learnt how to be alone even although he was around.
Try to keep a routine going but change it a little, make it a little more peppe's routine rather than the wife's routine. do some research online for things that you can get involved with in your local area.
Stay as healthy as possible. Regards.
I am lucky to have some loving supportive friends.
I guess the antidepressants help too...somewhat...hard to know
Some days are awful and some not so bad
Time time time
Was sick yesterday, with the runs.....had plans last night, but had to cancel. My stomach is hurting me.
At least I have somewhere to go today. Won't let husband in bedroom, unless I am not there. He still expects to share bad with me for his good sleep.
Will try harder to make friends...My social worker says that it could be hard with what I am dealing with...Husband is ordered out of house January 22. What if he doesn't leave? The lawyer will not retital the accounts unless I pay him $350 per hour.
I had a bit of surprising luck...I am getting a small pension from a company that I worked for only 2 years....Got to send the forms out, it has been sitting here for 2 weeks. My brain is not functioning right at this time....
thanx for your support