Try writing down those things that now make you angry and then shred them to pieces. Sometimes just writing them down will help.

I could get angry at my ex for so much, but then I realize that he just isn't worth the thought or effort. I just don't know if at some point my ex with age or a terminally illness will want to see our son and that will be up to my son if it ever comes to that.

I've felt the same way. I thought if I could talk to her one more time and ask why or tell her what I thought of what she's done, then maybe I could get some closure. I tried it and it does no good, they never admit to doing wrong and it's always our fault their the way they are. I think we have that unfinished feeling because we were in the marriage for life and they weren't.

I may get angry but it usually doesn't last long unless what someone has done to me is of an extreme nature. I find I get more mad at myself when I can't let learn a lesson and go back for more when I should have learned the first time. I like to be able to give opportunities cus everyone, including me makes mistakes. So I would like a chance if I do fuck up... but I know myself... I always give more chances then I should and am usually the one left holding the bag wondering why I did...

Why do you think it is so hard for you to ever feel angry toward him? Even when he has betrayed you on a deep level?
Do you think that maybe you believe deep down that you desrve the things he does yo you?
When injustice happens, there is a righteous anger. And that's not wrong. It doesn't make you evil or vindictive, you have the right to be angry and it is healthy to move through that anger. It's unhealthy to deny yourself the right to be angry. Or to hold on to that anger and let it eat you alive.
You have to be a warrior for YOU. Your worth fighting for, even if you don't believe it yet. I hope that through counceling you can see how much better you deserved and your true worth. :)
Astimegoesby, any parent that forsakes a child has no heart or soul. I will never understand that. How does your son handle not getting to see him?

I think that's part of the satisfaction my ex feels is that he left and doesn't have to face any music. He doesn't have to answer any questions. He can live believing it's all my fault. In one of the few times he saw the boys right after he left, he even told the boys it was all my fault. They were mad at me for a while- me! The one person in the world that takes care of them every single day. That was a low blow. Hurt so badly. For me, there will probably never be any closure or vindication. I just have to accept how it's all turned out. Accept that it's not what I wanted, nor planned for my life, my boys' lives.
@Jaclyn, I believe that we will continue to live with feeling it's all unfinished. To move on I think we have to accept it and piece together our new lives.

I can relate to what you are saying about not feeling anger - I dealt w/same - I felt pain and betrayed - but never anger - with me is simply b/c I hv never been able to stay angry at anyone long enough to set firm boundaries - my counselor addressed with me that that wasn't healthy and that positive angry is a must - we shouldn't hold on to it forever, but long enough to set boundaries. So is something that I am still learning to do - but anger isn't just part of who I naturally am. -

Regarding feeling angry now or wanting to reach out to him to "let him have it" - or even for closure, don't waste your time - few people that cheat feel any remorse. If he didn't own up before why would he do it now?
Take care :)

I just seldom get angry. When 9/11 happened, I didn't get angry. I got deeply deeply devastated.Perhaps a side effect of my anti depression meds. I dont know