Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was out with my friends tonight to see a movie. I drove them home and as I was comin home myself I realised I haven't really driven late at night since the night we broke up. I always stayed late at his then drove home and texted him to let him know I was safe. We'd chat a little then say I love you, sweetdreams.
I really miss that right now :(
Any of you experienced this type of unexpected trip down memory lane? What was your trigger and how do you shake that feeling off?
I really miss that right now :(
Any of you experienced this type of unexpected trip down memory lane? What was your trigger and how do you shake that feeling off?
You don't shake it off. You just accept it to be a memory and live your PRESENT not your past or future.
Then after a few minutes it just goes away on it's own. Don't fight it. Just accept it and understand it's in the past and keep going. Change your mindset to another channel. And do something different to let that one thought go. A thought or memory comes and goes. WE keep it inside because we keep nurturing it in our mind.
I even put a small tiny grill out back and used it to grill (we never grilled when I was married).
I found that I responded positively to high energy music. So maybe when you're driving home and starting to think of him, you might consider popping in a real high energy CD in the player and concentrate on it or sing with it.
High energy music gives me a good feeling. I have used it in the past for many things including having to work overtime really late or early morning, having to work overtime on the weekend on a very heavy load of work, when I feel distracted and upset, and when I used to bicycle in the park I would cut my time by 10 minutes by popping in a CD and putting the earphones around my neck.
When I'm in the car I don't want to cry or be upset when driving for fear of being distracted, so I love high energy music and that's my tool I use.
Think about alternatives for when you start to think about him in the car.
I agree - you just feel it and move through it.
I don't get too many triggers anymore - its been 3 plus years post divorce for me - so things aren't as fresh - one that has been particularly lingering though are the sunrises/sunsets - the sky in general. My ex-husband is/was (not sure what hes doing now) a truck driver and because we were apart usually 3 weeks out of the month he would send pictures of the sky and landscapes - sky mostly - from the drivers side of an 18 wheeler from his phone - even when divorce was clear - it was one of the last things he stopped doing - sometimes he would send pictures with no words - and when I go out and look at the sky I think of him - for all kinds of reasons - but its mostly stopped now - when it does happen - I just move through it - it is what it is.
I am glad you were out with your friends - good for you. :)
xoxo
I don't know if this will work for you but after the initial emotional firestorm, I was left to rediscover myself. I eventually stopped fearing these triggers and emotional trips. I stopped fearing them because no matter what, they pass. Each time is different but they all go away. I chose to honor the past and honor those memories and feelings. Why wouldn't I? I like who I am today and all that is a part of me. There were good times and bad times and yes, in the end, I was betrayed. Things are different now and I believe it is because I embraced my fear of being alone and without. I embraced my emotions and allowed them to flow through me. I still have moments, like today actually. It hasn't been all that long since I moved out but I trust that I will be alright and I am looking forward to when these triggers no longer trigger anything. When a particular emotional episode decides to cycle over and over again in my head, I also, like the Cat, like high energy music. I listen nice and loud until the channel in my head changes...then I go get some ice cream...lol. It also helps to change up daily routines. Try something new. Do for yourself and enjoy it.
I don't know if this will help you but it is how I dealt with them. I know when you are deep in it, it doesn't seem like it will ever end and it truly feels unbearable. It does end and I found that I can bear a whole lot more than I thought. Trust that change is inevitable and trust in your own strength and self love.
Take care and good luck!
(((((hugs)))))