Oreo, I guess from my standpoint of view, being married 26 years and being together with my wife 28 years, you don't stop loving her. I never can nor will I ever stop loving my wife even though she had an affair. Your wife like mine, has been an integral part of your life for a long time and the love that you have established with and for her will never go away. Even if things go bitterly wrong through the divorce process, if your heart is beating and your blood is red, you will still love her. Deep down I believe you really will. No I was not betrayed by my best friend and my wife, a double whammy, I am so sorry for the pain that you are going through. Unfortunately, there are a lot of us here that know all too well what that pain feels like.

Therapy and www.divorcecare.org help a lot With
the grieving and divorce process.

Its pretty intense at the Beginning stages. I cried
for The first four months after he left and things
had Been bad for a long time.

Betrayal can take you a long time to move thru
Even long after the divorce is final, it cuts deep.

At the beginning rejection, hurt and pain were
My go to emotions and divorce rage.

None of this whole process was easy, quick or simple.
I went to divorce care multiple times i needed It very
badly plus I had been in therapy for awhile too.

It does get better after the divorce is final and the healing
Can truly begin. Its legally over and its time to start to heal
and to recover.

There is still a lot of grief to move thru and face post
Divorce with lots of Uncomfortable feelings and emotions.

Keep posting On here and reaching out for healthy loving
Care, Help and support. HUGS

The realization is you are a loving person who deserves to be loved and treated the way you treat people. The hurt won't go away, but neither will the behavior. You deserve better. You obviously are a loving husband and I'm so sorry for your hurt. Please try to work hard on yourself and reminding yourself you didn't do this and there are loving, honest people out there. Sometimes you are hurt so badly, that you become certain that the pain will never pass....but it does, sometimes because of our efforts and sometimes in spite of them, but always, always it goes away. So hold on and know that tomorrow will come and with Each tomorrow, things will get better.

I don't think you can stop yourself from loving your wife. Despite the divorce, I know I can't stop my feelings, and I just have to deal with it as best as I can.

Btw, have you tried mediation? I know it's easy to dismiss mediation, but it's more like practicing loving kindness to yourself given your situation. It's a way of being in the moment and accepting what's "now". Initially, it thought it's helping me increase my pain tolerance. But it's more about helping me recognize the reality of my situation each time I think about my ex-wife or felt the pain due my losses.

To both Oreo and ddjones27 - your posts are both heartbreaking and awe-inspiring. That you both lost wives of over two decades and can still speak of loving them strangely gives me a sense of hope. I am sincerely sorry for both of your terrible, painful crossroads. As someone who was first abandoned abruptly by her husband after 11 years, and then ditched 3 months ago by a boyfriend who I loved with all my being, I was really starting to wonder if lasting love could actually ever be found again. The growing black hole left in my chest from both of these failed relationships physically aches and makes it hurt to breathe. I cannot imagine the true depths of your pain but I have so much compassion for you both. I also hope very much that I can one day meet a man as committed and loving as you two clearly are. The rawness of the broken heart is bodhichitta - the awakened, enlightened heart and mind. You are both priceless.

Thank you all for your kindness. I just joined this group and its the first time in a while that I haven't felt alone.

It does help a lot to vent on here, uncomfortable feelings
And emotions make you feel like you are going to Crawl
out of your own skin and explode with anxiety.

You need to face them and walk thru them as hard as it
is to bear. Divorce care really does help plus therapy.
Just Being with others going thru the same things in a
Safe enviroment and talking things out with a therapist.

Grief has its own timeline and has many ups and downs
even Post divorce after having had been in a long term
marriage, you are Not the first with your issues or alone
In loving your spouse in your heart. That takes time to heal
yourself and your heart, HUGS

Have you seen a therapist ? This is a major life change and sometimes they have more tools than we do. Talking is so painful, I know, I really do. I cry each time I open my mouth to talk about him. For what it's worth, you sound amazing. I don't know you but mg heart aches for you and I truly hope for your well-fair. Try to talk to those close to you and try to do ONE good thing for you today. Get a treat, purchase something you've wanted for a long time, take the day off of work. Something just for you. Hoping for the best for you, my friend.

Hello all,

I have been focusing on my health and trying to not think about her much and it seems to be helping. I swim every day for an hour in the morning before work and I have my dog to focus on...she is not minding all the extra hugs and petting =)

Just wanted to say "HEY"!!
Hope you're doing great!

Hi!! I am doing really well this week. Things seem to be level and smooth sailing. I hope it keeps up. I hope your week is like mine as we can all use a good day or two in these times.

As painful as it was, what happened to you was graciously truthful. People wont be loyal to u and love you even if you are to them. You are your own best friend and lover. No woman will love you as much as you can love her : she can only be loyal to the extent she needs you.

A dog's love is more unconditional than a wife's love. At least you now know you weren't getting any love from your wife

I love myself, and out of that I can then love others : I don't need or expect to be loved in return. That way peoples responses don't affect me at all.
: I can show everybody unconditional love, because I am not really loving them but myself ' c
unconditionally'

Jesus summarized the concept brilliantly, when He " Love your neighbours as you love yourself " The real problem have is loving themselves : loving others is conditioned on loving yourself. Thats how Jesus was able to love and forgive the people who nailed Him on the cross.

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. This year would be 25 years of marriage for me. I just found out 3 months ago that my husband has had a 3 year affair with someone at work. Not only the affair hurts but also all the lies that he was working late. He's a business owner and puts in lots of long hours. My situation is extra hard because 7 years ago he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. The meds to shrink tumor so he could have surgery really changed him. He became a sex addict and changed dramatically. He is sorry for his behavior and broke off affair but it is hard to forgive. His moods and emotions are up and down as tumor has started to regrow and he is back on meds. We have had some amazing times since I've found out and we both are still very much in love. But his sex desires are still way beyond normal and I don't know if I can trust. He has been my best friend. I understand the difficulty of letting go. The pain is always present. I feel like I've been living a lie

Your feelings are totally understandable. I am the same. I just found out that my husband who has been having an affair for 2 plus years after our almost 26 year marriage. We were happy...or so I thought. I still love him and I am having a hard time thinking about living without him. Even after all he has done. He has moved on but I just can't stop crying.

Keep your head up...your time is coming. One day at a time. Eventually we will see that we deserve better!