Good job on your reply. The more you stay nc he should get the message. My ex would do this too early on about a song on the radio or whatever and I had to tell her the same thing. The one who does the dumping is usually in a better place earlier as they've already processed the emotional ramifications of the split.

Please don't respond this make it much harder to let go.

Best for you.

I wanted to create a new thread but since I'm coping fairly fine, I don't want to hijack the board from people who might need more help. If there's anyone seeing this, would love to know if any one is facing the same issues.

So it has been a 2 weeks since we made the split official. Emotionally, I feel numb. I wanted to see how indifferent I've become so I snuck a peek on his FB and saw photos of us in the past. Probably isn't the best choice but I've realized that I do not feel anything when I see photos of us together. It doesn't even feel like that person in the photo is me.

Here comes the problem though: I can't stop thinking about him. I know this sounds silly but I feel as though my heart has moved on but my mind refuses to give up. I've been trying to keep myself busy but it doesn't help. He's CONSTANTLY on my mind even and even though it doesn't cause much emotional damage to me right now, I am very annoyed that I can't seem to stop thinking about him. I feel more annoyed by the fact that I'm still thinking about him rather than the split.

This is honestly disturbing. I wish he'd just get out of my mind the way he did with my life. Could my lurking around DS every day contribute to my incessant thinking? But I love this site and I love reading everyone's stories.

@kbbcoop77 I've seen your replies around several threads and I wish I had your confidence to post replies :) I do hope I'll be able to find peace from my own mind in time to come!

I would honestly say that if you want to truly heal, and to get your mind off of him, you need to go full No Contact.

Some people resist it and dont want to do that, but it usually just prolongs the healing process if you dont. Looking at pictures and FB "just to see" still keeps him on your mind. I understand what you are saying about not having loving/emotional feelings, and that's good, but it's only part of the puzzle. You need to truly move your life down a path away from him, at least for the time being. Some people try being friends later down the line, I really dont think that's healthy either, but some people swear it works for them. Point being though, it is too soon for that. He will keep being on your mind until you are able to cut the cord completely. I haven't been able to go 100% No contact because my soon to be ex husband and I have a son. But i only speak with him when absolutely necessary, and only about my son. and until i made the choice to do that, i never really started being able to move on. Peace and strength to you.

Oh, and the other thing, besides full no-contact, is time. I know that's hard to hear, but it is true.

DS can actually be very helpful, you can vent here when you need to resist the urge to look in on him, etc. You can vent your feelings, someone here will likely relate, because either we've been there, or some are still there now.

Start doing things for you, keep yourself busy, try new things, re-visit things you used to like, whatever. That will help too.

Happymama2j,

I guess time is the only factor right now. Am going to go back to full NC and just brave through it when he appears in my thoughts and dreams. It sucks when there's nothing I can do to speed up the process but to let it just wear me down. Thanks for taking the time to read through and reply, hopefully one day I'll wake up and realize that I've truly moved on too :)

I am working on this No Contact issue myself. My head is in a better place than my heart.
We have a grown child, and he has cut her off. I just can't believe the stupid stuff and cruel things he has done to both of us during his cheating, leaving process.
There seems to be a crisis on about a 5-6 day cycle. Some sort of contact.. by way of going through town, finishing up old business or something. It has only been a month to finish a 35 yr bad marriage. So no contact is the best way. I agree DO NOT REPLY. KEEP Repeating that live it until you feel it..

It's definitely a process. It was about a year ago now that I finally really started holding to No Contact, unless it was 100% necessary about our son. It was sometimes an hourly struggle. I so remember that. And I think that's normal. You have to be gentle with yourself, and if you have to start by 15 minute distractions and work your way up, so be it. It got to where days would pass without me wanting to seek contact or "check in." Then weeks, then I rarely thought about it. But life happens to us all, and sometimes out of nowhere I would get the strong pangs again. Again, I think that's pretty normal, nothing to feel bad about. It certainly isn't easy to maintain, but it is so worth it when you can. And if you slip, as we all have at some point, getting right back on NC helps. I just know for me, it made me feel 100% worse when I'd break it.it NEVER turned out how I would hope. So i just had to stop.
Now, again, not that you need my whole story on your thread, but my soon-to-be-Ex-husband (stbxh) got himself in some trouble in February, about 2 weeks after our son's 2nd birthday. He called me from jail. At that point, we hadn't directly spoken or seen one another in 9 months (my parents oversee his visitations with my son, my mom handles 99% of all necessary communications with him). I didnt answer his first call, but I did his second call. It was so hard. And I spoke to him less than 5 times over the next couple of weeks after that. But I realized that, every time I spoke to him, I felt overwhelmingly worse. It was hard, but I had to stop taking his calls. He got the point after about 2 weeks. Sometimes i feel like a jerk about that, but he put my son and I through hell and back, and I have to take care of my own emotional health, for my son's sake. Our divorce is in the finalizing stages, he now wants to turn back but I dont want to. Anyway, I wrote all of this to maybe help you see, it isn't ever easy for anyone, we all understand the feelings and the struggle, so definitely come here when it's hard, we will support you. I couldn't have made it in my past 18 months of hell without my DS people.
(((HUGS)))

Came across a quote yesterday which really drove things home.

"Don't dance with the devil and wonder why you're still in hell".

It's so much easier to logically think about what should be done than to implement them. Had been thinking (near obsessively) about him saying "I am still in love with you and that's a fact" even after we broke up and I just realized it's all bread crumbs. I'm trapped in this game of my own accord because of a stupid bait. Instead of an hourly struggle to maintain NC, it's more of a 15 minute struggle to not think of anything related to him.

Prayers to everyone who is still struggling!