Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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enough50 03/27/2015

i wonder if this is part of the emotional roller coaster everyone talks about? I feel such regret right now for ending my relationship with my wife. I feel like I've caused such upheaval for us both and that I really should have tried harder. I feel terrible for the pain I've caused her and fear the pain I'll be going through. But when I think about it logically I know that I was unhappy in the marriage and at the time those reasons and how I was feeling made sense, now I question everything. Is this part of the process? Of wanting to avoid the painful feelings and upheaval of divorce? Is this flip flopping the normal process of separation and divorce? I've heard people say that their ex flip flops on them and I wonder if this is part of the process for some?

refurb 03/27/2015

You made the choice to sever your vows
She has to live with that
So do you

When you started to get unhappy, did you honor your vows, which obligate to speak up as a man - husband - friend?

If so did she honor hers and be receptive?

If you didn't honor yours and she did honor hers, I don't think you ever could understand how she feels.

If you didn't honor yours, I don't car how you feel

If you honored yours and she did not then you got reason to bail and I feel for you as being with a person that doesn't honor their vows absolutely sucks

loosingthebattle 03/27/2015

My stbx didn't think I should've been blindsided either. At point he made it evident to me I tried, tried to add back passion but couldn't do the butterflies. All acts were returned with anger and not seen as real since he asked for it. My acts were true and genuine. Nothing more important than our family.
He feels he tried too, but didn't stop the relationship with his friend. Of course I didn't demand it either. Wanted him o choose. They continually chose to do and be there for each other instead of spouses. He feels she is his soulmate and his twin. Once she left her family and he at the same time chose to distance himself even further from his, I gave in.
Talking lately he asked what hurt most, I refused to go there. Today told me he still hasn't seen that I've tried...this was NOT my choice and I'm beyond hurt. Know and try to move on and still be a good mom. Now my sister though has decided to defend and feel sorry for him too. Have no idea what normal is or should be.

healingslowly 03/27/2015

Sounds like the future is scary to you with a lot of uncertainty and that is normal. Stop and really think about your life without her and if you are willing to release her into the world and most likely another man's arms? Life is short -and we cannot afford to take anyone for granted.

helerown 03/27/2015

I can say that based on my experience regret is very normal and second guessing your choice to end things is beyond normal. I still feel regret almost two years later. Especially now dealing with a crappy break up with the man I met shortly after my divorce. It has made me appreciate all the qualities about my ex husband that I sadly over looked. But with that being said, I know our marriage would've never worked and I did the right thing for myself, him, and our daughter. I was very unhappy and it sounds me that you are unhappy also. You sort of just know when its over. It's going to take time to process every thing and be patient with yourself as well as your stbx.

ana14 03/28/2015

Through my almost 15 yrs of marriage, every time we got into a fight he would threaten me with a divorce. I signed us up for counseling and he complained that a I picked a female counselor and she was siding with me. I told him to pick a counselor that suited him he never did. That was 9 yrs ago. He has gotten verbally abusive. Un less it is normal to be called a c..t and a bi..th f.. amongst other nice words. He told me this week he was leaving me. This time I am okay with it and ready to move on since he refused any counseling with me and our kids. I even suggested that we should go counseling so that we can have the right tools to coparent post divorce and he has refused.
He comes and go as he pleases, makes big purchases with discussing. I ve caught him sending inappopriate messages to other women several times & I forgave him.
Regrets? That I lost my self and became wife and working mom and the occasional girls nite out with friends. I was too ashamed to let it be known that I an educated professional was in an abusive relationship.
At the end I gave it my all and I'm looking ahead bracing for a new chapter.

ana14 03/28/2015

I meant to state makes big purchases without discussing.

enough50 03/28/2015

Thx everyone for comments. I was in such an emotional place when I wrote that, overwhelmed with grief. And it seemed at the time the only way to relieve the pain was to regret and try and go back, but I know now that was just bargining or avoidance from the pain. I know I was unhappy in the marriage but doesn't mean its going to be an easy road to heal from it, it will take time and many more emotional roller coasters I suspect, as I've shared my life and dreams with this person. She is away and it was the first chance I had to be in the house by myself so the emotions and tears just came out, painful as it was. I'm a bit more balanced again but I'm sure i'll feel like that again.

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