I can give you my spin on it. I'm pretty sure, being objective, what will happen is she will want you back down the road, once her shiny new boyfriend wears off.

I think you can speed up the process (if you want her back) by not chasing her, not begging her. If you need to write her an email to let her know what she meant to you and how she hurt you, fine. But you MUST read it to yourself before sending to be sure it doesn't sound like you are begging or she is too good for you. It will only feed her ego.

Then, you have to say enough and if she is going to move on, so will you.

And leave it at that.
As time passes, I honestly believe she will think "omg what did I do..."
and you can take it from there.

My two cents.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that she would want him back, down the road. That is being optimistic. It maybe so, but i don't believe it's realistic.

She may simply conclude that she made another mistake and move on again.

Some people NEVER learn, seriously.

Best to work on yourself, pick yourself up and make yourself into the person you want to be with. Stop thinking about the mistakes you think you made and concentrate on not making an ever bigger one, by letting her destroy you. And it will if you let it happen.

Continuing the contact will only give you hope that may not be there. I know it's hard, but you have to let things be and work on yourself.

I think any person that is so shallow that they would be with someone else for money and the fact they are not sick is not worth your love!!!

Its really hard but leave her to it!!

I don't understand her quick change of heart. It sounds like she gave you signals you had a serious relationship with her. I have a hard time believing her sincerity when one moment she's telling you, you're the love of her life and then she runs away to another man.
I would feel hurt too. Do the things which comfort and uplift your heart.
Slowly you will move beyond this. Keep talking it out and it will get better.

I really just wanted to share that I sympathize with you.
And I'm sure you know very well that it's going to hurt a lot more before it gets better.
But if she was silly enough to throw away what the two of you had, then she does not deserve you.
Yes, you're going to cry, maybe even feel a little dead inside. But there's someone out there that is going to appreciate everything that you will give and do for them down the road. Just don't give up hope. And take steps to get out of your comfort zone... That's the only way forward right now.

I wish you the best of luck. And please, don't give up.
There is always someone out there that loves you more than the sunshine itself.

I say she will want him back. That's just my take, of course, having been ditched 14 times in 6 years by the same man. (I know, my bad for taking him back so often....)

The point is, you don't realize what you HAD until you perceive it as being GONE.

I thank all of you for your kind words. I still cannot believe that someone can do this to the person they shared so many beautiful moments with and who has kept every email I have sent her in our years of friendship before we were a couple, but she was in love with me. As pollofrito says, I CANNOT UNDERSTAND HER QUICK CHANGE OF HEART.

Mate, I am sorry to be the one to say this but are you sure it was so sudden?

A woman doesn't just do something like this on the spur of the moment. i think something might have been going on for a while.

Hope it works out for you.


Mick

a love of one's life is only as relevant until they meet the next one.

until she understands that love and romance are supposed to be more about giving than receiving, she is going to be nothing but trouble for all men.

she sounds like a real leech if you ask me.

I agree with hairymick and others that there was something going on way before she left me. She was deceiving me. She did not change overnight. But whatever happened, happened by phone. She has only seen my friend once for dinner in November. She does not know the guy. ANd then she leaves to spend a week with him at his home 5 days after she leaves me. WHAT I AM HAVING A HARD TIME WITH IS SEEING THAT SHE WAS CAPABLE OF DOING SUCH A THING. Her love for me seem genuine. We called each other evrery day at work at least 2-4 times a day. And we have been really good friends for years! Years during which she was infatuated witth me. She kept every email. In short, how can someone do this? She could have ended this in a more civilized way. Now the thought of imagining them romantically together just wants me want to throw up! Before I wanted her back but deceiving me this way is something I find hard to stomach. Im I overreacting?

Can someone tell me how can she have done something like this. As I said, she seemed so loving and caring. She told me out of the blue that she loved me so much the night before she left me. We were really close friends for years. She helped me through difficult times. She has kept every email I have sent her for the last 8 years. She always said I was the love of her life. She moved to NY to be close to me. And when she finally has the love of her life she deceives me. How can someone do this? While she was deceiving me she was extremely jealous of any female friend who wrote on my facebook wall. Is she mentally ok?

I think she's selfish... and confused.

Just wait until she's with him for awhile and her head starts to spin wondering if she did the right thing leaving YOU!

Then it will be fair play. I am really angry for you that she did that.

What you tell me keeps helping a lot. She does seem very selfish but I am still confused. It is like she is two different persons. She also has anger issues. She feels that life has treated her badly. She married a man she did not love and lived with him an asexual relationship until he died of cancer about five years ago. It seems she is going to do the same thing again. Marry someone convenient who can rescue her from her financial and emotional hell, instead of fighting to be with the love of her life, who implies less money and an illness that will take a few more months to go away. Litlle things make her very angry. Things got a lot worse when she took on a second job. She was very depressed and that is when this guy visited her and took her out for a good time and then invited her to spend a week with him. she thinks all she needs is a new romance to get her out of the hole she is in. The escape week ends tomorrow. Then reality will start again but with a new dream and good memories of a wonderful week away from her hell, which she believes includes me. I believe this guy will visit her often to keep the thing going and will try to marry her as soon as possible. I don't know when she will start wondering if she did the right thing. I am using the no contact rule to see if she misses me eventually. But the new dream has to wear out first. How long do you think this might take? It just does not make any sense to me that she did this after years of being obsessed with me. And we have a long history. If she does not come back I will not only think she is selfish, I will think she is not well mentally.