Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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having a hard time

mrstrength
mrstrength
I am having a hard time with the thought of spending 20 years with someone who I now feel used by. I am having a problem with... well sex intimaticy. My heart is so ripped out you would think what the hell is this guy doing.My wife is at my oldest sons place right now, Cinco de mayo. I know he is having a party, and younger guys are now there thinking If I can get her drunk I may have a chance, and whith her I dont care attitude. well, hurt me again. I know this is a what if, my mind wonders while I am working tonight in my shop getting paper work together. but it is so painfull, like re cutting a wound over and over. I am a very passionate person and love contact, touching hanging out etc. and this solitude, well needed, but if f ing hurts that I feel hated. some days I am fine others I am not, how the hell does someone get through this! Its like going through a death again (for me, she attempted suicide thanks giving night) and I have not filed yet,,,, I can say torture!
deleted_user
deleted_user
You are a man, so be a man. Don't fall in to the gay emotion trap. 9 out 10 gays become gay when they got girly emotions. I think I saw that in the National Enquirer.

Ok, I was just joking. I hope I made you laugh.

So, yea, 20yrs is a pretty long time. Thats pretty tough and you must love her a lot to feel the way you do and it is quite normal.

It's going to be up and down for a while, so put your seat belt on and try to enjoy the ride. keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times and good luck to you.
llmt
llmt
I was with my exH for 21 years...half my life. You just can't turn that off overnight. Hell it's been a long time and I still see him everyday. As the days pass I miss him more and what we shared with our little boys. Try to find something to keep your mind occupied. Easier said than done. Hugs to you.
mrstrength
mrstrength
Thanks.right when I think I am doing good.it hits and hard. Not being able to cut it off and go our seperate ways stirs it up every day
llmt
llmt
Take one day, and baby steps. Again, easier said than done. I seem to take 3 steps forward, and 2 steps back. I hug you hard.
mrstrength
mrstrength
Thanks its been hard today, I look back and cant help but feel being used and played with. When everything got used up, I feel tossed aside. So today, she laid by the pool again got ready and off she went at 11;30 until 9;30 pm to the oldest sons, I mean what is the point of living here, for torment?? It would be so much easer if she just moved there. You are right one day at a time!
llmt
llmt
Doesn't she work? Make her get a job, bc if you get divorced, her BonBon eating and lounging will come to an end. They will make her look for work.
deleted_user
deleted_user
it isn't going to let up until you make some solid decisions and purge the people out of your life who are not good for you and probably not good for anyone else either. move and dump everything if you have to but get her and anyone else who is toxic out of your life. you have supported and enabled them for too long already.

we have to see that we create our lives. we can make them hells or we can make them heavens. it is our choice.

as for intimacy, i can't think of any man who would perform well in a war zone.
mrstrength
mrstrength
true on the last part, it just would be soooo painful now if she used that to get back at me.

No she has not worked, she took care of the kids but now that they are older I figured (empty nest in 2 to 4 years) well I guess I did enable and create a haven for her need and wants. I am getting rid of everything, putting paper work together etc in preperation for filing. Trying to save the house (loan mod). Dealing with her is hard enough, The house is a pit stop, she does wash and clean, I do too, suning by the pool, get ready and off from 11 to 9pm then back for sleep, and repeat.

I have not purposely cut off funds, but I have. any thing money wise I hang onto for food, emergency, etc and to taker care of my son. she can fend for herself, and I figured that she has all the help of others , well.... they can help her.

I am however getting my ducks in line, and I know why , but still to live like this.. I never have, hiding my laptop, phone, changing passwords, locking stuff up is insane. Especiall after 20 years with someone who I had complete trust in.....now there is nothing,,, fight for your son and myself mode.