Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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winesar21
winesar21
I don't think I can go on anymore. Sometimes I just wish I didn't wake up since the pain is so unbearable. I was broken up via email from a two year relationship. He tried doing it on the phone a week prior but he said we could try to work things out. Either way I have never felt shittier. To be with someone for so long and then they break up with you via phone and email? He sent me one email and then never responded after that. He said its best we cease contact and that he would like to meet in person in a few weeks to talk. I feel like garbage and that I am worthless. Everyday all I do is cry. It's been a little over a week and I am just heartbroken. He has always been there for me and taken care of me when I have had chronic back pain. He always made sure I'm ok. How can he not be concerned about my mental well being? I suffer from anxiety and depression. I keep thinking that he must hate me and it was all just fake. The relationship had been rocky but I thought things were headed in the right directions. Just days before receiving the email he was talking about future trips for us, our weekend plans and how he wanted to take me to get my nails done. I don't understand. I am crawling in my skin. I have beat myself up so many times because I know a lot of this is my fault. He told me he wasn't happy and it was all because of me which I don't believe. Relationships are hard work and compromises must be made and that was hard for him to do. I fucking hate myself. I will never find a man that will care about me more.
aliciacurtis
aliciacurtis
Please read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. You need a starting point and that will help. Her affirmations have helped me tremendously. It is still hard to get out of bed every morning, but just think of 5 things you are grateful for and say 5 positive things about yourself EVERY MORNING when you wake up. Because of where you are now, it will be difficult and will not feel right, but you will develop more positivity if you keep doing it. The negative voice in your head needs to be drowned out by positive talk. You are good, and you are enouugh. Tell yourself that and just take baby steps. You will see a change in yourself if you just fight to keep going forward.
ryoung
ryoung
Breakups are hard. It's ok to cry and be sad, it means what you had was real and special. I was with my husband for 9.5 years and we have a little girl together. He cheated on me with porn, women on a web cam, had a girl friend in Turkey and then hookers. I can't believe someone I thought was my best friend could have a double life. I have been through so much in my childhood and I thought he was the one person who understood and cared about me. He promised he would never hurt me and wanted to show me and my family that men could be good. Now I feel like I was a cover up for his addiction and wonder if I ever met anything to him. To top it off I now have a little one to take care of and I'm all alone. No one is perfect, were all human and in theory love each other despite our quirks. I thinks it can be healthy to accurately reflect what your part of the break up was that way you don't repeat the same mistakes in the next relationship. However, maybe you were just with the wrong person. There is nothing I did to make my husband cheat. There is probably nothing you did to make your partner break up with you over email. That's an immature move and your not responsible for that. Maybe go to counseling? Tell yourself positive things and journal. Reach out to your friends and family. Remember you are a complete person, even if your single. You had a life before him and you will have a life after him. I know this is easier said then done though. Hang in there and know your not alone.
introvert61
introvert61
You are in the first week...your pain is bound to be raw and acute. The only thing I can tell you is that the pain does ebb with time. I am four months into my separation from my wife (16 years together) and while I am hurting, it's nothing like it was in the first month.

Anybody who would dump you via email is a coward. You deserve better and I guarantee you that you will love again, someone who will be worthy of your love.

Hang in there...
vervane
vervane
I know how hard it is. Yesterday I went to bed feeling ok and today I woke up feeling absolutely terrible. Like utter shit. My boyfriend broke up with me almost inexplicably, and he did the same thing, talk about stuff we would do and talk about plans for the near future.

But the breakup is real. I am struggling to pick up the pieces. This is not what I want, but this is what I have. I promise I know how hard it is. Somehow we will get through this. I will pray that tomorrow is just a bit easier for you, and hopefully it will be for me too.
torontor
torontor
I know how you feel, the shock is the worst part and being blindsided. My ex did the same thing, but through text message and we had a brief phone conversation and she cut off all contact, for no reason...I still don't have any closure 7 months later.... not sure how someone can do that to someone they have been with over a year. Just ignore them and treat them like dirt. I never got to see her in person to talk or anything. It feels like a nightmare.
winesar21
winesar21
Thank you all for the words of encroachment. This has been helping me get through the day. I know I am good enough. It's hard. I don't get how a person no matter how much they hated someone could treat them this way?????? We both were unhappy because we didn't understand each other. He told me he knew I was unhappy so this was for the best. But how can you not speak to me?????????? I hate life :( I've been on dates and I am just blah. I feel like no one compares to him. I don't even know how great he was anymore. He argued about every little thing. Like microwaves are terrible, dogs belong outside, I'm only living in this certain area, summer camps are horrible...I learned from working on projects. He would always say all guys are douches....he was the biggest one
andrealambert
andrealambert
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry.

One should always break up in person I believe, it's just the respectful thing to do. Doing it via email and text is just so cold. It doesn't give you the opportunity to say your piece to him at all, which is a good part of the process to get out of your system. I fucking handed my ex boyfriend a poem I'd written about why I was breaking up with him when he dropped off my stuff, that's how insistent I was on saying what I had to say to him.

Give yourself plenty of time to grieve. Allow yourself to feel all of the feelings. The only way out is through. I'm finding it very therapeutic to make a breakup playlist on Spotify and listen to it a lot. I know there are some threads on this board with good breakup songs. It can help to listen to them when you're going through a breakup. That's what those songs are for.

You will find another man, who will care for you more and treat you better then this guy. That's one thing my father taught me at the family dinner party when I was a teenager, after every relationship there is always "Next," "Next." As divorce becomes more prevalent people are dating their entire lives so don't worry about getting too old. You are young yet.

Give yourself plenty of time to grieve and mourn and get over it and find your inner truth as you need, but when you're ready there will be someone else for you to date who you might like better anyway.
winesar21
winesar21
Thank you all for the kind advice. I appreciate it. It makes me feel better and ours things into perspective. I just wish he wasn't so harsh. I don't get how he went from saying I love you to not even speaking to me in 5 hours. My therapist said there is no way he lied about all of the things he said to you. That would be psychotic