Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband of 17 years, 21 years all together, on March 3rd he told me He was done, he wanted a divorce. I was totally blindsided, I knew we had some problems, mainly financial but nothing divorce worthy. I just am still shocked, feel worthless, rejected. I was so scared at first, actually terrified that he would move me out while i was at work. As he owns all the property, my name is not on anything. I thought i was going to be living in my car as i was as broke as a person could be. But he let me stay at the house we raised our kids in, my home for all this time until i could find a place, but it was almost torture coming home everynight when the love of your life doesn't really want you there or doesn't care if your there are not, there was no communication, i didn't exist. So i really don't know if that was any better per say. all of sudden there was no hugging, kissing, no i love you, etc. we still slept in the same bed but i didn't exist. he would stay in the bathroom waiting for me to leave of a morning just so he didn't have to be in contact with me. It was destroying me. So i obtained a storage unit and began putting my belongings in a storage unit, he even helped me move my stuff, to ease his conscience i'm sure, the reality set in when i came back in to the house and all my stuff was gone as if i never existed, i only had my stuff i was needing right then there. He showed no emotion, nothing, as if it didn't bother him at all. So we would continue to co exist, my daughter and grandson also lived with us, so it helped that my 4 year old grandson gave me love and affection. I was so devastated, sad, didn't want to see anyone, go to work, nothing, i was going thru the motions every day, i was used to the texts that i even received the morning of the day he told me he was done, he was always say good morning beautiful, i love you, have a good day. well now since he admitted he had been faking his feelings for quite awhile, i feel angry that our marriage had been a lie for awhile and i was clueless. I just feel empty, we even spent our anniversary on april 2nd at the house, no affection, celebration, nothing what i had anticpated just weeks before. we didn't have any children together but he had two and i had two from previous marriages and we raised them together, they are all grown now but it still is hard for them too. again he doesn't show any emotion, I finally found a place i could try to afford, i moved in there on april 28th, again he helped me and my kids move all the heavy stuff in. I have since had no contact. I avoid his employment which is walmart, i avoid any chance i might see him. My biggest problem is accepting that its over, all i can think of is our history together, how do you let go and move on, I haven't been alone since i was 18, i was married to my first husband from 18 til i was 30, i was a single mom for awhile with my two daughters then i met my soon to be ex husband and we were together 21 years. now i am 51 and alone, i don't know how to be alone. I miss having someone to share my day with when i get home, just the conversation, support, just a hug, a i love you, or when you go all day and check your phone and theres nothing as i was used to texts daily. so i know i am not on his mind at all. People have told me, he hasn't had a chance to miss you as you were there up til a week ago and your daughter and grandson lives there, well they recently moved out, so now he is alone at the house. Well at least i think he is. Anyway, i am rambling on. I just don't know how to be alone,
You do know you have rights?
You're entitled to half of assets accumulated during the marriage. You can't be "kicked out" of your legal place of residence without a court order.
Get yourself an attorney and fight for what's yours.
Truly ridiculous that you fear living in your car after 21 years
He was wrong, and it bothers me to hear of others who seem to be suffering because they believe lies the other party told them.
Care group to help with the grieving and the
Divorce process. CODA/ alanon helps too.
I hope you have your own lawyer to watch out
For your interest. My ex had wanted to do it all
Ourselves. I did not trust him, i said forget it.
If they are abusive, sneaky, intimidating or just
Generally a bad guy. I would watch your front
And back at all times. My lawyer watched out
For me legally and financially.
When they want out they Want it without too
much Financial damage to themselves so their
Own lifestyles don't change much, HUGS
As mirandac states, once he found out there was ZERO chance of reconciliation, he hooked up with his first exwife and tried to cheat me out of EVERYTHING.
He would have literally left me penniless had my lawyer not stopped it.
Just a cautionary tale for whoever's reading.
Hugs to those of you who have jerks for husbands (or ex's). I feel for you, and I pray for peace for you.
Some people avoid conflict to such an extent that you never really know what they're thinking. I've encountered that myself. It sure doesn't seem fair.
I experience something a little like that 20 years ago. I spent way too much time dwelling on it. I wish I had found a way to be happier much sooner. There were too many wasted years.
I wish there was a secret to it, or some advice I could give. I poured my efforts into my career. That didn't make me feel any better, but years latter I had built a successful career. That's something at least.
You're only 51, that's very young. sounds like hubby no. 2 was unsuitable and you just didn't know it. HIS LOSS. Okay?
You're going to move on. Go to your new home, lick your wounds, and not do things this way again. keep going to work, it'll keep you sane. keep doing what you do, as much as you can. and cry all you like at home.
You'll quickly get used to it. I remember realising I could hold the steering wheel however I liked. :D heh. Just the little things. don't like living here? Move. Nobody to ask? oh dear. how sad. never mind.
No permission to be got. No person to obey. Eat what you want. Do what you want.
It will take a while to adjust. It's awful to start. Your body does adjust though. Adn better at 51 than 71. Yanno? Still got lots of years left. :)