Sweetie - I left a marriage of 33 years because I was in an abusive relationship - yes. it does get better. Just take it one step at a time. Taking care of yourself is so important - your focus needs to be on you and what makes you feel good about yourself.

You came to the right site and will get tons of support here.

Lynne

Welcome to crazy land. It's hard but we are all doing it together. Don't forget to eat.

Sweetie, you are so young! There is so much to do out there before settling down. And especially settling for someone who doesn't teach you right.

I hope you will take the time to get to know yourself, and learn that you deserve SO MUCH MORE than an abusive boyfriend.

Is there any way you can swing counseling? I hope so, it's so important for you to figure out why you allowed someone to treat you so badly. Figure this out, otherwise you might repeat it!

I have a 19 year-old daughter who just got out of a emotionally and mentally abusive relationship. I am so thankful that she left him. For the first week she cried her eyes out every hour of every day, but after that....she realized that her life was so much better without him.

I hope the same for you. Hang in there. Do not contact him....let this "prize" move on to someone else. Journal your heart out. Repeat to yourself "I deserve better" over and over until you start to believe it!

{{{Meg08}}}

It will get better, it might not seem like it right now, but all the experience on this board will tell you it will get better.

Like the posters above me said, you do not need to be in an abusive relationship.

You will get over this and heal, and somewhere down the line you will find someone more suited to you who will treat you in a proper fashion.

Good luck.

Welcome to ds Meg. As the others have said, that is so good that you were able to recognize this now, and want better for yourself. I also was married to an abusive man, and I did it more than once, I had to figure out why I made the choices that I did, but it took until I was in my 50's to do that. I am so glad that you are doing that now. You do deserve better, and you can not change another. Those are very valuable lessons, and you have learned them. I am sorry that you are hurting now, but better now than later, when children are involved, and the abuse has escalated, as it always does. Stay with us here , and make new friends. Try to get into some counseling, to deal with the loss of what you wanted to have in your life, and to realize that he was not capable if giving you the love , you so richly deserve. I am always hopeful when I see young people that are trying to get it, and live a better life, because it usually means they won't have to endure years of it, as I did , and others here. Try to take care of yourself, and surround yourself with loving friends, and family. And when he wants to come back and contact you, like they often do, tell him no or ignore him. You deserve better. Keep telling yourself this, and don't settle for less than that! We put together a manual for newcomers, and I hope that you will find something in it that will bring you some peace and comfort during this time. Big healing hugs for you, Kimmee

http://dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/2816539-manual

You are so right to end this relationship, I read your journals, OMG. What a PUNK BOY he was. This is not love by any means, love is being confused with fear.... step back from all this and breath..you are in good hands in this place, if you need further help, seek counseling at your school, local church, community outreach... Sever all contacts with him the best you can, I know it is tough. You will find someone in due time, but heal your heart first.... take care of you.
Big Giant Dad Hugs.... If you were my little girl, that boy would be walking with a limp by now...

just noticed I was leaving the "e" off of breathe, ok so I'm a dork dad, but a dad nether the less....... Laughing at myself again... Seriously Meg, take care of you, step back and BREATHE......Hugs

welcome Meg.I hope we can help u.If u need to talk or vent,we are all here for u.luci

Welcome to DS--you'll find lots of support here.

You say you were in this relationship for 3 years and you're 19 now so by my calculation you began this relationship when you were 16. When you are 16 love seems so magical and we believe a lot of the hype about love and relationships; in fact we believe it so much we don't see the red flags that tell us the relationship is bad.

And don't feel bad--many of us on here are ending long-term marriages because we believed the hype and didn't want to see the red flags either!

Take care of yourself physically--make sure you're eating, sleeping, and exercising. Don't immediately jump into another relationship, especially if you're coming out of an abusive one. You need time to be alone to heal. I would also suggest counseling so you understand why you were attracted to this type of person, what some of the warning signs are that you may have ignored, so you don't get into another abusive relationship.

Take you time and heal. Talk to us here. We understand.

Hugs!

(((((((MEG))))))) I'm so sorry you have to endure the pain of a unfortunate break up. It hurts so bad when you look at ending a long term relationship. You likely feel elements of rejection and inadequacy and low self esteem and anger. But I want you to take heart. You see what went wrong and that Is MONUMENTAL. You're right you gave up to much of yourself for a relationship. The relationship became emotionally abusive at best and very controlling. I applaud you for being strong enough to get up on your feet and walk away from it NOW. No man is worth being controlled over, no man is worth being told how to go, do and be. No man should tell you how to dress or who your friends should be. No man should alienate you from your family. No man should force you do anything you say NO to.... This creeps up covertly and it's hard to catch. The important part is to be true to you and hold yourself up and your needs on the same plane as your partner. It's likely one of the best checks and balances a relationship could have. If he is too "me" and "my needs" oriented GET OUT. Any man who will not change what he does when you say I'm uncomfortable, I need, I'm hurt, I don't feel safe......is the wrong man. You are learning this early and I'm so proud of you for taking the right steps in spite of the pain. Do take the time to learn more about what a healthy relationship looks like and how and when to draw the lines in the sand. Learn specifically about emotional abuse...it's harder to detect and is sneaky the way it is used. I promise you ...it will be one of the smartest things you will EVER DO! Just read here how countless women forsake themselves for 20 or 30 + years here on this site. We're not proud and we got no badge of courage....we are just learning it later.

I know you hurt. But don't feel like a failure. The only people who are real failures are those who do not learn from their mistakes. You made a choice that hurt yourself. But you can get beyond this.How do you get past this...support! Get a counselor, surround yourself with healthy friends, read books on relationships, If your religious pray...it all helps. The worst of the pain passes in its own time. Everybody processes it at their own pace. I believe if you understand what went wrong...you get over it sooner because you stop feeling like a victim/a rejectee and realize that you have the power of choice to stop this from happening to you again.


But until that happens be with us and we will encourage you.

Thank you all so much for your replies! I am trying really hard. He was the only person I talked to so its so hard when im feeling a little lonely or just feeling like talking to someone. I can talk to other people when I feel that way but its just not him...
Thank you for your support!