Just wondering...have you tried going for couseling? I am thinking of trying it myself. I don't want to get stuck in limbo and not be able to move forward. The loss of my marriage has been like a death but I have to move on and so do you.

After 2 years, you should be in a much better place. Yes, of course there will be times when you backslide - that's just going to happen.

I think you may want to seriously consider therapy to help you move forward and be happy with your new life.

(Hugs)

Yes, I spent the first year in therapy and it was amazing, I have a subscription for a antidepressant(Wellbutrin) but have not taking it. I need to do something.......it terrible not knowing your purpose.

(((hugs)))

it comes back

you have always sounded as though you've been patient and gentle with yourself
so I'm certain it will come back

i think your sense of purpose is within you - i just think you need to sit with yourself quietly long enough to hear it. its in there. i promise it is. : )

i have not experienced the loss of a parent, and can only imagine the grief that goes along with that. please dont discount that. it threads in to so many other things; amplifies them. perhaps i am off base on that- just my thoughts.

the you i knew a year ago versus the you i know now - light years apart. i dont doubt you still feel the loss of your marriage - maybe amplified even more because of your mum passing away - please trust that you are doing the right things and going in the right direction. as an "outside" observer it is something i have witnessed and it has been quite an amazing transition.

there is no time limit on this process - it cuts deep and wide - and with another huge loss in your life it must be overwhelming. please know that your purpose is within you - in your heart. just sit and listen for awhile - it will move through you and you will know. i promise. i promise.

wellbutrian is what i was on - it helped me tons - it really cleared up my head. i am not sure what the pause is in not wanting to take it - could you try it for a month and see if you feel any change? you know whats best for you and it works differently for everyone (but i dont need to tell you that) - if you have it, try it. it cant hurt. please?

i am sorry for the pain and grief you are going thru - i know you have to move thru it and cope with it in whatever way is best for you - i just hate that you are hurting. sending some peace your way big brother - xoxo xoxo xoxo - t

maybe you need to flood your mind with ideas and input. the more that we put into our heads, the sooner that directions and dreams can begin to be re-imagined.

everything from career to city can be put down and replaced. we are free to make our lives any way that we wish to.

What was your purpose prior to marriage?

I am 2.5 years after my split, and life has improved but I slip back often as well ... I didn't really find my sense of direction until I took a plunge and went for my master's degree a couple of months ago. Is there something of interest to you that you can immerse yourself in? Something you can accomplish and feel good about accomplishing? Give back to your community somehow? *hugs* It's a long road, for sure.

@Then Again,

Good question .....made me think......I guess it was my career, I could do no wrong and I had a clear focus..and I had the rest of the my life in front of me, does that make any sense?

I have always read your posts and I can feel you pain. It is a little over 2 years for me also, and I still feel stuck in all of this. I don't know what separates us from those who are able to move forward - that is the big question. So I am sorry I have no answers - just know you are not ALONE!!! ((hugs))

Yes, it does make sense and you still have you the rest of your life in front of you.

I think making someone else our purpose in life, or hoping they will help fulfill our purpose, will always let us down. We need to make our purpose our own, then invite someone to share that with us. I didn't have a purpose prior to marriage. I hoped that my ex would somehow give me one in life. I know it doesn't work that way.

Our lives will have many different aspects to it and we will fill many different roles--spouse, parent, work life, and other things. Each of those areas will give a little bit into the purpose of our lives in general, but not any one of those things can be our sole purpose. Find what you want from life in the areas aside from relationships and I think you will find yourself grounded again.

(((TML)))hugs.It sounds like you are very depressed.I am two years out also.Some days are wonderful for me.Some days, I am filled with profound sadness.I take Effexor XR and Klonopin for anxiety and depression.I am seeing a counselor.Tho, I havent seen her about six months, due to my insurance doesnt cover my visits with her.Its expensive.The ladies on here are right in maybe you need a new focus, possibly a change in career?Lots of hugs, you have had a double whammy with losing your wonderful mother and your divorce.It will get better, I promise.

Concentrate on your purpose of helping others in any way you can..Seek God and have a personal relationship with him , open up his love book to you and try to apply it to where you are in your life today..
I will and can tell you from my personal experiance it has worked for me better than what any counselor has ever even tried to understand any of my situations that I have been in.. And if you are in a mess and you only search within yourself, not that you shouldn't, but to meditate on self you will always only fail yourself..
Hoping you will find true love in Him, the Holy Trinity..Father, Son and Holy Ghost..

Hey there buddy hang in there i know your hurting i can feel it in your posts. My dear ex suffers depression i don't know if you do or not or whether its just emptiness you feel. Ex says he just goes through the motions, waiting for god a little like you floating like a leaf. Please, please seek help if you need medication and counselling for a little while so be it. Hey i take a shit load of medication for rhuematiod arthritis its just what i do to function and work to support kids without it i'm a stuffed cripple, with it i'm a force to be reckoned with. Either way give yourself a break, you are special because you are you

I depression and grief is a spiral staircase, being stuck back where you were is a common occurance. If you are making no progress what so ever in 2 years than its time to go back to therapy or find a better therapists. Therapists are as different as people,some are great , some are horrible.
Depression and working out are oppossites of each other.
The best thing I have ever found is to work out so hard that you come home and pass out.
There is no time to be sad when you are working out hard. Sounds cliche' I know but for me..it works.