Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
It has been almost two years now since my separation and ultimately divorce of my wife here are a few things I would like to share
-There are no short cuts to healing, now matter how much pain and hurt you feel in your heart and how hard it is just to get out of bed, you need to bleed this out. If you reach out to other to bring you solace, it will be only short term and it will leave you in worst shape.
-Putting a time line on this, as I mentioned it has been almost two years for me, even though my head says, "let go" your heart will take it's own time to mend.The other day I met a friend for coffee and half way through the conversation she took my hand and said, "You're still in pain...I see it in your eye and I hear it in your voice" Your heart is a very strong organ...it it has a mind of it's own.
-You need a plan in place to move forward, you will get through this...I promise you that, and let it not be in vain ....think of yourself....first get to know yourself again embrace the qualities you like about you and shed the traits you don't....it time to improve you.
-I stop communicating with her altogether except when it was dealing with the children, I cut off all communicate because I knew it was like a Cancer and it would eat at me and I needed to remove that.
-For the first 18 months I think I broke down everyday.....let it out.....flush all the pain out......in the shower, driving in the car....where ever.
-Create a very short horizon for yourself.......My horizon was nothing more than 3 months out.....I did try to take on big plans because I knew I need to be flexible... I feel (and this is my own opinion) that people make these big goal for themselves and only disappoint themselves.
-Stay away from the bad habits.....eating,alcohol and drugs.....I don't think I need to expand on this ......I know that the one thing that would bring me down lower than whales shit is looking and feeling like crap.
Some of these things I have posted in the past but I really just wanted to share again.....I was in places so dark it consumed the light.....I really don't know how I made it through....I did know that I couldn't hold anything back and that I jumped on any therapy I could receive and I was totally honest with myself....all the BS is gone I have stripped away the veneer ....what you see is what you get.
....and thanks to DS I really have found this place to be an incredible tool and has helped in my healing process.
-There are no short cuts to healing, now matter how much pain and hurt you feel in your heart and how hard it is just to get out of bed, you need to bleed this out. If you reach out to other to bring you solace, it will be only short term and it will leave you in worst shape.
-Putting a time line on this, as I mentioned it has been almost two years for me, even though my head says, "let go" your heart will take it's own time to mend.The other day I met a friend for coffee and half way through the conversation she took my hand and said, "You're still in pain...I see it in your eye and I hear it in your voice" Your heart is a very strong organ...it it has a mind of it's own.
-You need a plan in place to move forward, you will get through this...I promise you that, and let it not be in vain ....think of yourself....first get to know yourself again embrace the qualities you like about you and shed the traits you don't....it time to improve you.
-I stop communicating with her altogether except when it was dealing with the children, I cut off all communicate because I knew it was like a Cancer and it would eat at me and I needed to remove that.
-For the first 18 months I think I broke down everyday.....let it out.....flush all the pain out......in the shower, driving in the car....where ever.
-Create a very short horizon for yourself.......My horizon was nothing more than 3 months out.....I did try to take on big plans because I knew I need to be flexible... I feel (and this is my own opinion) that people make these big goal for themselves and only disappoint themselves.
-Stay away from the bad habits.....eating,alcohol and drugs.....I don't think I need to expand on this ......I know that the one thing that would bring me down lower than whales shit is looking and feeling like crap.
Some of these things I have posted in the past but I really just wanted to share again.....I was in places so dark it consumed the light.....I really don't know how I made it through....I did know that I couldn't hold anything back and that I jumped on any therapy I could receive and I was totally honest with myself....all the BS is gone I have stripped away the veneer ....what you see is what you get.
....and thanks to DS I really have found this place to be an incredible tool and has helped in my healing process.
fabulous post
love this. saving it to reference again. i am in the "cancer" phase and the "lower than whale shit" phase. commentary like this is what gives me inspiration to keep going. i will get there. we all will.
you have seen me post it before, but i will post it again - you are a good person to know. i am thankful to have you as a friend.
and might i say - its been amazing to see the progress you have made since late last year - leaps and bounds - keep doing what you are doing. good things will continue to be in store for you.
xoxo
And one last thing...don't be ashamed at what you are feeling or what you have gone through ....I was AMAZED when I started to tell my story and admitted my mistakes and what I was doing to make myself better how many people truly listen and cared....
I still have a long journey ahead, but I know I'm 1000% better than what I was last year at this time and look forward to my growth and development in the future.Good Luck everyone.
In the very beginning I took on too much- back to school, etc- and I broke. It was too much too soon. You really do need to be VERY kind and pacient with yourself. And honest with where you are at.
You were honest with yourself and waited through the blackness. I applaud you. It's the only way to come out of this healthy.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. .
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to leave you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure;
You really are strong, you really do have worth.
And you learn, and you learn
With every goodbye you learn.
Well done on doing the hard work to get to where you are.
thank you for that -- I am still crying every day and it's been 6 months, I think I'll go with your advice and just let it OUT instead of trying to hold it in and feeling embarrassed about it!
((hugs))
18 months of breaking down each day--that must have been horribly painful. I am at the beginning more or less. Separated end of April and divorced as of yesterday morning at 9:15. I have learned from this group that the hurt isn't likely to really end, it may always be there in my heart. But that doesn't mean that I cannot heal and move on to a better present and future.
I wonder what my now ex-wife is feeling about this. Does she hurt too? Is this hard for her each day too? Is she happy to be finally done with me? To be able to move on with her life and leave me in the past forever? Why did this have to happen at all. I feel empty but also that I will be fine and that much better things await. Like you, I am going straight through all the emotions. I am not taking a shortcut only to wind up in the gutter. This is the time to make positive changes. To build a new and healthier and happier life. And to be patient. It all is going to take time--that's a big part of what I got from your words. best of luck to you!