So sorry your going through this again. Its good that your venting ,releasing stuff in a safe way ,but your not a a failure your not the one leaving.In this process make sure your looking after yourself and be strong.No matter the outcome.

Thanks, angelicc. It hurts twice as much the second time around. I am definitely lost right now. I'm having a tough time functioning and having a tough time figuring out who to talk to. My family is too judgmental and my friends are her friends. I've used up my company's Employee Assistance Program for free therapy and I can't afford to pay a therapist out of pocket.

Although I appreciate this site and the support from here, I sometime feel like I need to actually speak to someone. I'm not affiliated with any church groups, so talking to a non-judgmental pastor is not possible.

I too have been married twice, now sadly divorced twice. My first marriage lasted 20 years, we had for children together. He was a controller and I just couldn't live like that anymore. I met my current ex about a year after my divorce. He was my hero. I fell in love fast and hard. We were married 7 years, had a few rough patches after a couple of years of marriage but I truly thought we would grow old together, he had other plans and left me. As far as I know it was not for another woman, just claims to not be the marrying type, he left me during the night last Feb. He also left his first wife and kids years ago, I thought for some reason he would never do that to me but he did. I nearly died from grief, pain and heartbreak, but I am making it, you will too. It's a long, painful journey, I won't lie but just take it one day at a time.

That being said, I would love to be in another relationship too, but I have developed a fear of neglect and abandonment and worry I don't know how to be in a healthy relationship. Trust will be an issue on my end as well fear of him leaving me. I know we all come with baggage, sometimes I wonder if it is even worth trying again.

I hate being divorced twice, but it is what it is. I'm sorry you can't do therapy, I know it's expensive. See if there are any local support groups you can join. Check out divorce.org. They may have something in your area. Reading self help books helped me too, if you are a reader.

Take time to heal, take time for yourself and try and stay busy. Sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves is ok on occasion but try and not start that habit. This website will be a huge help to you, lots of us going through the same thing, unfortunately. Sending you hugs and prayers!!!!

I too am now a member of that club

Shame...Grief....and I feel like a big Loser

and now my girlfriend and I are on the rocks

I give up