You have to put yourself and your needs first. And by needs I mean basic human requirements for love, connection to others, and positive emotional support. Anyone who tries to get in the way of you obtaining those things needs to be dropped from your life. Surround yourself with people who are good for you. Family, friends, coworkers who don't take from you without reciprocating. Realize that you are being treated like crap by this person- manipulated, abused, taken advantage of. Do you want this to continue forever? NO!

Try thinking about this from a different perspective. I don't know how old you are, but if you're of an age where you might have children - think about whether you would want your child being mistreated by a playground friend the way you are being treated. Or a best friend? You would step in and say "enough" - stay away from this person, they're hurting you. Oftentimes it's easier to see people we love being used and abused than this same thing happening to ourselves.

Love yourself first, then you can be better prepared to give and accept healthy love to and from others.

U are so right thanks bUT this will be a process that scares me

It absolutely is scary. It just is, there's no way around that. You have to believe that you can do it, that there is "better" out there for you, that you can manage and even thrive with the changes you need to make in your life. I saw this poster once that said "Without Scary, We Don't Get To Be Brave". I think about that saying every day because I want to be brave.

Step 1 is NO CONTACT. None. Change your number or block his. Cut off any and every means that you can get in touch with one another. Until you do that, he knows he can weasel his way back in whenever he wants. Each contact rips the wound open, prolongs your healing, and worsens the scars. I get it, I took my now EX husband back once, after our first separation. And I was tempted once we separated for good, but I took the advice of those here on DS and cut him off completely. My parents handled all necessary child-related interactions. And I healed so much faster. And by the next time he came around wanting me, I truly did not want him any more. He still tries from time to time, but I now see through all his BS and it rolls right off my back.
Until you are ready to commit to no contact, he is going to keep pushing your buttons and pulling your strings. Disable the buttons, cut the strings. If he can't contact you, he has no power over you.

Do you have any suggestions on our communication about my son I guess I can tell him to only contact me when it is and we it is in reference to him. I don't even want to see him but I know that I have to my son is only 3 I wish you was older where I could just drop them off at the door but I can't so I just don't know what to do

They generally disappear when they stop
Paying child support. Is he paying any yet?

Dont let him slide on being responsible or
Manning up. No visitation unless up to date
On payments otherwise you are enabling him
To be irresponsible father and man.

Keep your communications to emails, then related
Only to child care issues no personal stuff "none"

Dont chit chat with him he is not your friend
Or buddy or partner. Dont text for advise or
Help nothing.

Build up your boundaries and stay away from
Him so you get a little clarity. Detaching is the
Key with the help of no contact.

Go to support groups and/ or therapy to help
Guide you in your transition. HUGS

I don't know if this is an option for you or not, but is there a friend or family member that you trust to pick your son up from you and drop him off with his father?
My situation is a little different; I was granted sole custody, exH has only supervised visits with J. This is in our divorce papers, but that is how it's been from day 1, due to exH terrible drinking and now with the assault charges he received about a year after our split. My mom and dad take J to see his dad, and hang out there with them. J was 15 months old when this started, he is 3 now. Of course, my ex hasn't even attempted to see him in 3 months now, but that's another topic...
If you don't feel your ex needs to be supervised (most don't), if someone could handle the exchanges for you, at least for a little while, that would help.
If not, try to keep drop offs in a neutral location and keep it all business. Don't go in his home, don't let him in yours, meet at a park or a McD's with a play place and just say "ok, you're going to play w daddy for a while, mommy will be back later." Some things to try any way. It is hard, especially when the ex fights it, but plan to only engage with him about your son and only when absolutely essential.

No I won't go inside I'm just worried if seeing him well cause me to take steps back in my process of trying to move on