"my craving to not have him begrudge me" - I suffer from this too. We have to let go of our misguided instinct to shield or help that person who did not shield or protect us. If you know he's an abuser, leave that message alone. Ignore it. Don't read into it, you might be getting it all wrong. Anyway, this time is about you, not him, not how he feels anymore.

It sounds like you have come along way in 2 months. It's not easy to come as far as you have to feel some peace coming back along with feeling like your old self.
He is playing with you and him saying he's done being angry is nowhere near an apology.

I would remember that you can tell how the future will be by past actions on his part.

You will never get the apology you want, no one ever does.
Do yourself a huge favor and do not answer him and keep moving forward. In the future you will be so happy you did.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.

He is shifting responsibility and accountability for his actions on to you. He totally discounted his "apology" by everything that followed the "I just want to say i'm sorry."

My guess is he's trying to hook you back in and and wants you to respond with an apology of your own. This is classic textbook abuse.

Nothing you could do would ever cause him to not begrudge you. If you can, think of him as incapable of having normal human rationale and emotions. And remind yourself that what he thinks about you is nothing more than a reflection of himself.

Best thing to do is block him from everything and go total No Contact.

~healing hugs~

nope, no, contact zero zilch nada

there will be no closure from him for you

if he begrudges you for his shortcomings or not so what, he is still an ass and you are free

Do not give in, you will loose any healing
And growth you achieved. He is trying to
Play you and sending out his hook to reel
You back into his playing field.

Keep up no contact, i am a year of NC and
i still struggle Daily and am very glad my ex
Does not try to get Back together. I have a
Hard enough time adjusting.

Sending you a big warm hug

Mirandac

Refurb said it all. No contact, nothing in any manner whatsoever. I felt that he is blaming you for everything and anything he can find. You slammed that door on him, now bar it with a reinforced steel bar. Hugs, my friend, you will be fine. It will take time, but you can do it.

Yes, they can sense when we are beginning to heal. So he sent you a message that was kind of sweet and kind of provocative. He knows how to get you. Don't take the bait! You could end up back at square one or worse. Closure is not possible--only moving on with dignity and wisdom.

Everyone has said the same thing, in a different way. I believe you know as well, what they are saying, is what you need to do.

You are right, why is he the one who is angry? And now, he knows its been 2 months or so, you haven't contacted him, so he is losing his grip on you. So he reaches out to get it back. I hope you don't give it to him whether you write him back or not.

I would say if you were strong enough, to write him and tell him a thing or two about a thing or two with his "No longer Angry comment". If you are not, then I would advise like everyone else here and say to not engage his text. Be prepared he will write again if you do not. He may even turn in to a more persistent and hateful thread of messages the more you do not respond. So you have to be ready for that and strong enough to continue to ignore them, and soon, block him from communicating with you if that needs to be the case.

If you are wavering on any of that, then please be safe in your interactions with him. remember what has happened with everything. Try to focus on your future and what it will be like with and without him in it. and so on.

is message is not an acknowledgement of any of his wrong doings, just that he is ready to not be angry anymore and "allow" you to talk to him. pfft.. what a nice guy...

Thank you Everyone for all the words of encouragement. Today has been very hard and I have stayed strong and not replied. I know that my urge to reply is fueled by a sense of needing to please him. My thought process is "if I don't reply, he'll be angry". I can see that now and that is progress because I don't need to please him anymore. He doesn't deserve my response and I'm going to try like hell to stay strong.

I learn a great deal from reading things here.

For instance right now I just totally identified with the whole "fear of displeasing others because they might be angry and not love/like me anymore" thing.

Very interesting. I pay my own bills, have my own place, am supposed to be an adult, yet that dysfunctional, invalidation of my own needs and feelings for the sake of another lives on.

I'm going to change that. Because I can.

Do YOU lostgirl.

Stay strong. They really do sense our detachment and want desperately to keep us trapped in their illusion. My exes abuse was verbal and emotional and they never want to acknowledge the pain they cause because it means having to be truthful about who they are. I won't tell you not to answer (although I would suggest it) but would ask you keep in mind how well you are doing and ask yourself if you want to get caught up in his web again ( and it is a web). Much love and hugs to you.

I agree with everyone else's advice about ignoring him and I would do exactly that if I were you, going on what you said. Good that you've made this much progress since going no contact from him and he sounds like a royal jerk. Such apologies don't mean jack shit when he clearly is not being accountable for his behavior. By the way, his getting angry is HIS problem NOT YOURS. I learned this mantra from another abuse survivor that I try to remember and this may help you also "I don't live my life to please others." I hope that helps.

Just checking in on you...

hope you are holding out...

Be stingy with your words, time, and help. Spend this time building yourself up, give yourself the time to heal, help yourself before you think about him. It sounds like you are a giver and need to give to yourself for once.

Until you can find the perfect response to him, don't say anything. In time you might feel the perfect response involves a finger and your silence. If you never get to that response at least you know you gave it some time and thought rather than acting on impulse.

Post # 16 is a fraud. Don't answer that anyone!