Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello guys, I hope you are all doing well :)
I'm a 20 year old guy.
I broke up with my first girlfriend of 3 years 2 months ago, Long story short... She cheated on me, I tried to forgive her, over a long period of time, but I just couldn't trust her.. I saw that we were going to be miserable if we stayed together, so I talked to her about it and we kind of mutually ended.
I've recently moved into accommodation near to university (2 days ago) - So I'm away from home now. Which is OK, There are some great people here and I've been getting to know them and trying to be social, But I feel very vulnerable at the moment, with moving in here and still being broken from this breakup.
I sometimes feel ok, but it's still only when Im distracted, Anything can set me off to feeling really upset, such as a song from her favourite singer (Taylor Swift) on the radio, or literally anything.
I'm wondering how much longer I have to endure this? I don't enjoy feeling so broken, I don't enjoy being scared of her finding someone else.. I wish I could just cut off my feelings for her, that would be so much easier.
Here is what I've been doing to help myself;
-Going to the gym regularly
-Socialising as much as I possibly can
-Keeping busy at all times, at night ill watch youtube or movies
-When I start to miss her I remind myself of what she did and that I can do better
-Forcing myself outside of my comfort zone, so that I'm able to move forward and grow
Do you guys have any suggestions to help speed up the process? I know she's going to have a soft spot in my heart forever because she is my first love, but I want to get to the point where I'm genuinely happy without her.. and Also where I don't care what she's doing etc.
Thankyou in advance for your responses :)
I'm a 20 year old guy.
I broke up with my first girlfriend of 3 years 2 months ago, Long story short... She cheated on me, I tried to forgive her, over a long period of time, but I just couldn't trust her.. I saw that we were going to be miserable if we stayed together, so I talked to her about it and we kind of mutually ended.
I've recently moved into accommodation near to university (2 days ago) - So I'm away from home now. Which is OK, There are some great people here and I've been getting to know them and trying to be social, But I feel very vulnerable at the moment, with moving in here and still being broken from this breakup.
I sometimes feel ok, but it's still only when Im distracted, Anything can set me off to feeling really upset, such as a song from her favourite singer (Taylor Swift) on the radio, or literally anything.
I'm wondering how much longer I have to endure this? I don't enjoy feeling so broken, I don't enjoy being scared of her finding someone else.. I wish I could just cut off my feelings for her, that would be so much easier.
Here is what I've been doing to help myself;
-Going to the gym regularly
-Socialising as much as I possibly can
-Keeping busy at all times, at night ill watch youtube or movies
-When I start to miss her I remind myself of what she did and that I can do better
-Forcing myself outside of my comfort zone, so that I'm able to move forward and grow
Do you guys have any suggestions to help speed up the process? I know she's going to have a soft spot in my heart forever because she is my first love, but I want to get to the point where I'm genuinely happy without her.. and Also where I don't care what she's doing etc.
Thankyou in advance for your responses :)
I'm sorry you're dealing with such a hard time. Honestly though, it sounds like you're doing all of the right things. Socializing, exercising, keeping busy, and positive thinking are all really important. Unfortunately from all I've been told, the only thing we *can't* do is speed up the process. Grieving takes time, and usually a lot more than we want to give it. You have to be patient with yourself, and make sure to let yourself feel things when you feel them - there's a difference between 'not dwelling' and 'completely ignoring.' Three years is a substantial amount of time to spend in a relationship, and even if you broke up for good reasons, we can't 'logic' ourselves away from those feelings.
I certainly wish it worked that way. I would love to fast-forward through the pain I'm in now, especially because I know there's nothing to be done about it - the breakup was going to happen, we still love each other, and there's no point in wishing he could be different than who he is. And yet, it's still destroying me.
The only suggestion I would give is maybe seeing a counselor or therapist to help work through the process and to gain additional mental exercises to help get you through the rough times. If you're in school, there's likely campus resources that you could utilize. It can be really, truly helpful. After not utilizing therapy for many months, I'll be headed back this week to help me get through this very rough time, and I know it will be helpful to talk everything out with an unbiased person.
Good luck to you, and I hope you find that happiness soon. :)
I'm doing sort of OK, but still pretty much the same, I feel like there is something wrong with me though, I have no sexual attraction towards ANYONE at the moment, I'm completely uninterested in anything like that, Which for a 20 year old guy, I feel like it's wrong? :S I worry that she is finding new partners etc, and that thought really destroys me.. I can be absolutely fine and then I will just randomly get strong emotional feelings and start thinking about her. Don't get me wrong I know she's single and she can do what she want but I still have strong feelings for her and a part of me wants it to just be me and her again, although I know that it wouldn't be right.
As for your suggestion on Therapy, however tough this is for me, I really want to try and work through it on my own if I can, I know therapy can be very effective but I'm just stubborn with stuff like that haha!
I'm just waiting for the day when I can look back and say "I'm over it!" Because I'm not there yet.