I think this is normal. I want my husband back after knowing that he is with OW and making plans to spend time with hIghschool ex girlfriend. But here I am hating myself for wanting him back. But is it really him that I want or is it the comfort I used to feel.

and you want your life back
You want normal again

Hugs to you

Probably because you really loved him. And it can take a long time for love to diminish for someone. Sometimes a love can last a lifetime and you can't shake the feeling of love for someone. My guess is that you didn't want your relationship to really end. Perhaps you had to reluctantly break it off with him due to some negligence on his part. Because you love yourself too and you have limits on what you will accept as certain behavior in a relationship. So perhaps you had to reluctantly break up with him, but deep down you probably didn't want to break up with him and I am guessing that you would have preferred to stay with him and that he wasn't negligent. But he was. So you had to end it. However, you feelings of love are still there and it is normal.

I do want my life back. I am with two grown sons that live with me. I love them very much. We are going to move from the family house. I don't want to learn a new house, neighbor hood etc. I don't want to sleep somewhere else alone! I had been sick for a year and things were just really rough and then I found out he was cheating and I now we are in the process of a divorce and the pitiful thing is I want him back. What does that say about the value of myself. crazy! I just feel like crying all the time. I am scared! This fucking sucks! I just can't believe my world is this....I just can't...I don't want to work....I don't want to do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jstcyn i feel your pain. it will be 2 months since my breakup on April 9. if she were to come and say i made a mistake and i want you back. i more than likely would take her back. i hope things will work out for you. prayers to you and everyone else going through this tough time.

Have you sought counceling yet? Many of us here on this board have and it has been very helpful during our healing process.

I know how hard it is but you have to shift your focus from him to you. You have to take care of yourself. I know moving and starting over can be scary but you can make a wonderful new life for yourself.

Since your children are grown you should be able to go completely no contact. This will be instrumental during your healing process.

Hugs to you!

I kept door open for several months
Until she started seeing guys and had a boyfriend

my door shut
She disgusts me

But I pine for and miss the 20 years together and planned future that I was deluded in believing we had

Give yourself time - that feeling will fade. We don't like facing pain. My ex cheated and neglected me - was a terrible relationship - yet, I still missed the IDEA of a relationship I was in love with.

We don't truly miss the person, we don't miss the BS - we miss who we wanted them to become - we miss what we wanted to have. Relationships end b/c they no longer are - either the person changed or was never who we wanted them to be - we want to so badly mold people into fitting our dreams, hopes, wishes.

When we finally wake up and realize there is more to life than that person, than that relationship - we finally start to live. Life isn't attached to a person, place or events.

Keep your head up, you'll be fine.

Milliejay is exactly right. We miss companionship, shared memories, routine, and the like. I miss those things, but I do not miss my ex. He was and still is a cheater, a liar, and an abuser. I never want that again. It is painful, especially when you find out suddenly and haven't had time to imagine a different life, but try to look at the change as healing. Love yourself, you will make it through the sadness. Promise!

millejay and callender are so right. Missing what you hoped to have, dreamed of having, but didn't actually have. Hard to let go of what you had hoped and dreamed for. Time to start learning about you and what you like and want in life. Take care.

Sadbutrue - yes sad but true for me too!

ALD - I am looking into counseling. I think I am losing my mind and just want to give away to it and go there so I don't have to deal with this world!

Murphy - sorry for what you have been through. I too feel the loss of 23 years and then growing old together. I am still spinning!

Milliejay - thanks for your words. I am not sure I think I miss him. It makes me feel like I should have done better.

Callendergirl - 25+ for you, sorry! thank you for your words. I hope I make it through the sadness.

tlc18 - thanks for your words!

therapy
groups
antidepressants
sedatives

friends and family
I am still alive 1 1/2 years later and off most drugs

Murphy I start counseling Saturday. I am leaning on my family. I am on medicine too. I haven't found the right ones yet. I can't keep from crying or feeling insane most of the time. Your year and half gives me hope but also makes we worried if it takes that long not sure how well I will do. Thanks for your words!