Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I was very hesitant about this but after reading some posts I feel I'm in the right place. 2 years ago I moved with my husband and twin daughters to another state away from family and friends. Then one day out of the blue ne tells me he wants to be single again. He wants to travel and do all the things he feels he missed out on by having a family. He just turned 50 and I am 46. I immediately became furious, then hurt, then depressed. When I finally got to a place of acceptance I said file, just get it over with. He did not and it dragged on and on. He moved upstairs into the guest room and at one point asked if I would consider being roommates. Uh...no. We've been married 16 years and my kids are 14. This has been hell. Finally I got an attorney and then he cried and said he loved us etc. I dropped everything and since then nothing has changed. I just got back from being back home with my dad for his open heart surgery and Tim, barely acknowledged me when I walked in the house. When I confronted him he said there is no hope for us. He won't do counseling and he continues on in his daily life like life is great. He goes to the gym, and work and walks around smiling and laughing like he could care less.
I am now trying to save up for an attorney so I can file and be free. My girls don't want to move and the house is in his name and I cannot afford it by myself. Every time I think of moving and leaving them here I am crushed. I love them sooo much, but I am dying inside every day I stay. He makes me feel so ugly and unwanted. My self esteem is so low, and that is not me. Until now, I've been trying to keep all this inside as I don't have anyone to talk to here but co-workers and I don't want to bring this baggage to work. I love Texas and plan to stay here, and my friends back home know what is happening but not having them here is hard. I'm afraid to be alone, but part of me looks forward to a new beginning. It's just getting through this process that is killing me.
Detach and disconnect from us then they wait for The
right someone ( many times) and the right timing and
Then they want Out.
My ex it went on for 12+ years before He left, the woman
Stuff was near the end. It was a very unpleasant 12 years
too my mistake was not leaving him Sooner rather than
Later.
Do it one step to a time and you will get thru this, get
A good therapist and a good lawyer, HUGS
Stbx walks around the house like nothing is wrong - all the time! He appears as happy as a clam, unless he's in my presence in front of the lawyers. Then he's all sad and looks like he's ready to cry. It's bullshit. I called bullshit on him when he kept "forgetting" about the homework the marriage counselor suggested to us. Or 'forgetting' the appointments. That told me loud and clear that he had no interest in preserving the marriage. He only wanted to preserve the appearance of family.
Sure, your daughters won't want to move. I'm sure it's a nicer house than you'll be able to afford on your own, but is it a real "home"? There are tremendous stressors in the house that affect them, whether they're spoken of or not. Have your looked around the area for smaller more affordable houses, which would keep the girls in their same highschool? I know the prospect of moving can be immoblizing, but you have to consider all kinds of options in order to find what will work best for you and the girls. Under no circumstance should you leave them in the house. When you move, they move with you. That's why it's essential to do as much research now, while you save for your legal needs.
You really got me when you said you're "dying inside". That's exactly how I felt, and it was this way for years. It only felt worse and worse until I finally filed. I'm not divorced yet, stbx is doing an excellent job at prolonging the divorce (staying married is a win-win for him, getting divorced will be a lose-lose for him), but fighting for myself has eradicated that feeling of 'dying inside'. Once you start to see yourself as powerful, and in control of your destiny, you will feel alive again. It'll be a long road, but you're already on the right path. It's good that you're reaching out for support now. Be well :)
He has it made and you are in hell. Change that ratio to the opposite.
I'm 46 he's 51. We've been together 30 yrs with many break ups in between.
We have been living together again these past 5 yrs and now I find myself at my lowest point in my entire life. I've secluded myself from family and friends as I used to be quite the social active spouse. I also have had my fair share of mistakes that I'm sure I am paying for now. We have never in my opinion had a healthy emotional connection. Never, believe it or not have we had a real heart to heart conversation about one another. At 46 when I say that sentence, it sounds so unbelievable and shocking. So for the last 3 yrs he has joined the gym. He is gone from the home 6 days a week. Gets home from work and leaves for the gym till 930 10pm. I'm constantly nagging him thinking 6x a week isn't the so called gym! One night he never came home till 3am. I called police and made a report. He came home upset and said I only called the police to make it look good if we ever were to divorce. Also told me it was none of my business where he was and how does it feel as I have left the home in anger before and stayed in a hotel. I will say Ive never had suspision throughout our years of him cheating but I fear it it now happening. I'm angry that I'm at my lowest point in life where I can't move forward. My thoughts are consumed of him being with another women and it's debilitating. I used to be so strong.
So I'm not exactly sure how this site works but I am definitely here if you need to chat.
Stuff started. He was not anyone i knew, they cross that
Line in the sand where they are total uncaring strangers.
He had a hard heart and was cheating in his Heart. I still
have no clue about the physical does not matter Its still
cheating no matter what anyone says. Their heart Is not
with their spouse they said their vows with, its with Another
person and they are not honoring their Vows.
If There is no respect left there is no love left, one equals
The other no matter how you shake it, HUGS