Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I just need to vent, sorry.
I just got a text message from my ex husband. He is back in the states on a 2 week leave from military duty overseas.
First off, a little background. According to our court order, he is to give me 30 notice for visitation. He only sees my son TWICE per year, as he lives in another state. With the circumstances of his deployment I have been more than lenient to accommodate. Our order also states that he is to get him the day after Christmas for 1 week, 2 weeks for the summer, and an additional week int he year if he wishes. I let him go FOR Christmas because of the deployment. He stayed for a week. I have to drive him 6 hours from our home, which is half way between the 2 of us.
He called 2 weeks ago saying he would be home soon,but with no date. Once again, I understand considering the situation and dont have a problem with that. Then the text today...
He wants to purchase a plane ticket for my son who is 9 (unaccompanied) because he doesnt want to make the drive. Once again, I understand he needs the break and dont begrudge him that.
Im not comfortable letting a young child fly alone. He agreed that ONLY if there was a nonstop flight, thankfully..and even so, that makes me very uneasy.
Anyways...there are no nonstop flights from my city, or one close by.
And his response...
That he doesnt want to drive and then worst case scenario it will just be next Christmas.
How do you do that to your child????? Especially considering the circumstances.. WTF
I understand his job. I appreciate what he does. but hasnt the poor kid been put on the back burner enough? And how does he say that knowing damn well that there is a possibility that he may not even come home alive doing what he does. To make matters of anxiety worse for my son..his dad was wounded in combat a few years ago when he went 'there" and the poor kid sure does remember that.
Ugh.... once again...its going to be time to be on damage control.
Is he being selfish in this? Or is it me? I cant wrap my brain around it.
I just got a text message from my ex husband. He is back in the states on a 2 week leave from military duty overseas.
First off, a little background. According to our court order, he is to give me 30 notice for visitation. He only sees my son TWICE per year, as he lives in another state. With the circumstances of his deployment I have been more than lenient to accommodate. Our order also states that he is to get him the day after Christmas for 1 week, 2 weeks for the summer, and an additional week int he year if he wishes. I let him go FOR Christmas because of the deployment. He stayed for a week. I have to drive him 6 hours from our home, which is half way between the 2 of us.
He called 2 weeks ago saying he would be home soon,but with no date. Once again, I understand considering the situation and dont have a problem with that. Then the text today...
He wants to purchase a plane ticket for my son who is 9 (unaccompanied) because he doesnt want to make the drive. Once again, I understand he needs the break and dont begrudge him that.
Im not comfortable letting a young child fly alone. He agreed that ONLY if there was a nonstop flight, thankfully..and even so, that makes me very uneasy.
Anyways...there are no nonstop flights from my city, or one close by.
And his response...
That he doesnt want to drive and then worst case scenario it will just be next Christmas.
How do you do that to your child????? Especially considering the circumstances.. WTF
I understand his job. I appreciate what he does. but hasnt the poor kid been put on the back burner enough? And how does he say that knowing damn well that there is a possibility that he may not even come home alive doing what he does. To make matters of anxiety worse for my son..his dad was wounded in combat a few years ago when he went 'there" and the poor kid sure does remember that.
Ugh.... once again...its going to be time to be on damage control.
Is he being selfish in this? Or is it me? I cant wrap my brain around it.
I think it is great that even without the required notice you were willing to have your son fly to see him.
Turns out, he wasn't bothered at all, other unaccompanied kids on the flight, kept him occupied, and the connecting flight transition was easy as pie.
But I swear if I was given the chance to do it again, at that age, I wouldn't have done it. if only for my own nerves.
So I hear ya chickiepoo.
Choose what you want and stick to it, waiting until Christmas won't be that bad a compromise.
That wasnt a nice thing for me to say..but its sadly truthful. He claims money is not an issue for flying, but he wont get on that plane to pick him up, or to just fly here and stay for a few days.
I wish he could just be a dad, but then I have to remind myself that he really isnt capable and I shouldnt judge him for that. It is what it is and need to find a way to put the focus back on me and my son.
Sometimes...its just a hard thing to do.
His dad has little to do with him...and has called him THREE times in the past 7months. And no..that is the norm each year aside from his deployment.
I just hate that he continues to send the message to the kid that he is not a priority.
And if you just put your feet back on US soil..you can text me..but not pick up the phone and call the kid?!
am I making sense?
If you don't think he's old enough for it, then just don't do it.
Some kids could handle it, but a whole lot more could not.
(And I have a very independent almost 9 year old and an 11 year old. As as much as I let my almost-9 year old do, I just don't think that I'd let her do that.)
And I don't think either one of you are being selfish.
If he can't be bothered to drive, then his rear should fly up, get the kid and fly back down or he should pay for you to fly down with your son, your expenses to stay there for the week and then fly you both back.
Your custody agreement doesn't say the child gets shoved on a plane alone, so tell him if he doen't like it he can drive like the Order says. Otherwise tough noogies and he won't have the boy. I would NOT mention these dicussions to your son though.
If Mr. Cant-Be-Bothered won't drive up to get his son, then they can Skype.