Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I received a mid afternoon phone call from my ex husband today. He has not spoken to me, or my son in almost 6 months, which is not unusual. Currently he is in Afghanistan and although it was 1230 pm here, it was 9 pm his time. He knows my son is in school..so why did he call?
He chatted my ear off for about 15 minutes..kept asking how I was, general conversation..and then he said "you will never believe what I carry around in my pocket"
A chunk of amethyst that I gave him as a gift a few yrs ago, just after we divorced.
It was NOT an amicable split , and an abusive marriage which was ruled by his philandering ways, alcohol and drug abuse, as well as a whole lot of violence. I left 5 years ago because I couldnt raise my son in that environment. I was very angry for a very long time because I felt like I had to choose between my husband and my son.... my son won hands down..but i was resentful of him that I was forced to choose that way.
Anyways... Its taken me all this time apart to heal. I have been alone all the years and healed enough to finally enter into a really fantastic relationship with someone that means the world to me. I did my work, I pushed through and worked on myself..I stumbled and I fell and made it to the other side.....after almost 5 years... I guess Im a slow learner, but had a lot to resolve and make peace with.
So....... what does he say to me today when we said goodbye?
he said "i love you"
WTf?!
Part of me is angry and frustrated, part of me feels just plain strange, and another part of me knows that i will always love him in a way, as the father of my child. i need to let it all go.
So, while I wont analyze his words, I have to wonder if it was a knee jerk response, is he scared and lonely in the middle of this war, or what.
I dont understand
And never will.
Thanks for letting me vent. Has anyone else experienced this? Its kinda sad and confusing, but not confusing and strange all at the same time.
He chatted my ear off for about 15 minutes..kept asking how I was, general conversation..and then he said "you will never believe what I carry around in my pocket"
A chunk of amethyst that I gave him as a gift a few yrs ago, just after we divorced.
It was NOT an amicable split , and an abusive marriage which was ruled by his philandering ways, alcohol and drug abuse, as well as a whole lot of violence. I left 5 years ago because I couldnt raise my son in that environment. I was very angry for a very long time because I felt like I had to choose between my husband and my son.... my son won hands down..but i was resentful of him that I was forced to choose that way.
Anyways... Its taken me all this time apart to heal. I have been alone all the years and healed enough to finally enter into a really fantastic relationship with someone that means the world to me. I did my work, I pushed through and worked on myself..I stumbled and I fell and made it to the other side.....after almost 5 years... I guess Im a slow learner, but had a lot to resolve and make peace with.
So....... what does he say to me today when we said goodbye?
he said "i love you"
WTf?!
Part of me is angry and frustrated, part of me feels just plain strange, and another part of me knows that i will always love him in a way, as the father of my child. i need to let it all go.
So, while I wont analyze his words, I have to wonder if it was a knee jerk response, is he scared and lonely in the middle of this war, or what.
I dont understand
And never will.
Thanks for letting me vent. Has anyone else experienced this? Its kinda sad and confusing, but not confusing and strange all at the same time.
I'm sorry that you're in this place, but don't let him undo all the work you did for the last 5 years. You are better than that! You deserve better than that!
He is not sober....just got his 4th DWI which totaled his brand new truck and 2 other vehicles. He has supervised visitation with my son and only sees him once or twice per year. I can honestly count on 2 hands the number of conversations he and I have had over the course of these 5 years.
Who knows...
Im not placing any stock into his words because I cant.
I suppose Im frustrated and annoyed because that part of me is a little angry after all of these years that he has the balls to say that. He hasnt said it in 5 years...and it was a lie then too.
Which doesn't mean that he wants, or would be any good in any relationship.
So just take it in a general way, and continue to enjoy your new life.
Just as a part of you will always love him. We cannot just stop loving someone that was in our life that long, regardless of the infidelity, abuse, whatever. We don't like them but we will always have that little piece that loves them.
the gem is his charm( I have one too when I am deployed).
But I 100% believe his still is not grown up or ready to be mature yet. He knows he has screwed up to this point but clearly still isn't able to be in a committed relationship.
I don't think he is trying to f*ck with you(though he is). I think he's trying to clear his concience.
Just my opinion, from someone who has been over there and seen these guys alone and reflecting.
((hugs))
It sounds like he didn't call to hurt you, or ask anything of you, but offered something kind. What his motives were we may never know, but I'm thankful if he had to call, that it was kindness he gave and not something else screwy that addicts are known for.
I wish him well. I didnt say it back. I really hope nothing happens.
My apologies.
Prayers to you Namaste.